


the mess that we'll become

by mundaneanarchy



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, References to Drugs, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, explicit for later chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-07 09:07:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 62,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1118075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mundaneanarchy/pseuds/mundaneanarchy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Newt is a famous rock star in the punk rock alternative band Kaiju Blue that wears skinny jeans that are too skinny and Hermann is a modest part-time bookshop employee and engineering and science student who's never heard of Kaiju Blue in his life. Classic cliched superstar-falls-for-the-only-person-who-treats-him-like-he's-human. Blushing nerds and awkward tension ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song _Casual Affair_ by Panic! at the Disco. Bear with me on this one; I only have 13k written and I have no idea how far I'm going to go with this. I'll update as frequently as possible and try as hard as I can not to abandon it. God knows that's not my strong suit.

It’s a quiet day in the bookshop. Raining outside, so there’s not too much foot traffic. Pentecost would kill him if he heard him say it, but he loved the days with practically no customers. In his mind, there’s less stupid questions to answer; less frazzled students to explain that they don’t carry obscure textbooks; less loiterers to glare at accusatorily. While the rain doesn’t exactly do wonders for his leg, it’s still nice to only have a few stragglers here and there in the shop.

The bells ding and Hermann doesn’t even bother looking up. Probably just another tourist trying to get out of the rain.

He only tears his eyes away from the book in his hands when he sees a drop land on his counter. He looks up and takes the highlighter from between his teeth and strikes his best bookselling pose.

The man in front of him is grinning at him lopsidedly with his dark hair slicked back from the rain and his glasses covered in raindrops. He’s wearing an expensive-looking leather jacket, a drenched tee shirt that clings to his skin, and almost impossibly skinny jeans. He runs a hand through his hair and looks at Hermann expectantly, as if he’s the one being approached in this situation.

“May I help you?” Hermann says pointedly.

Skinny Jeans blinks at him, almost taken aback at the plainness of Hermann’s greeting. “Uh, sorry. Yeah. Yeah, you can.”

Hermann catches one of the students behind the man’s back fiddling hurriedly with his phone, glancing up every now and then as if he can’t believe his eyes. Hermann swears he sees him snap a picture and thinks about worrying about that before Skinny Jeans interrupts his thought process.

“I was actually looking for this book on the theoretical anatomy of extraterrestrial beings?” Skinny Jeans asks. His voice is squeaky and perpetually excited about nothing in particular. Hermann fights the urge to roll his eyes. God, how he despises biology majors. Skinny Jeans takes a slip of paper out of his jeans and slides it across the table. Hermann can barely make out the title in the indecipherable chicken scratch scrawled across the crinkled paper. “I’ve looked everywhere for it, man, like, you wouldn’t believe how hard this shit is to fine. Guess I’m not the only nerd in town, huh?” Skinny Jeans smirks in a way that Hermann refuses to admit is only just this side of adorable.

“Yes, I do believe we have that. We’ve just gotten a new order. I’ll check in the back. Wait one minute.”

Hermann can feel Skinny Jean’s eyes on his back, as if he’s carefully examining him for something in particular. When he returns he’s giving him that same look and it’s really starting to get a bit irritating, if he’s being honest.

“Here you are,” he says coldly, dropping the book in front of him.

“Ah, awesome, dude!” Skinny Jeans cries excitedly. He digs in his pocket for his wallet and glances quickly at the ridiculous name tag Pentecost makes Hermann wear. “What’s the damage, guy?”

“Sixteen dollars and ninety-three cents.”

He hands Hermann a crisp twenty dollar bill and says, “Keep the change, Hermann” before winking and making a ridiculous clicking noise with his tongue as he strides out of the store confidently.

Hermann waits for the door to close before allowing himself the much-needed release of rolling his eyes and scoffing loudly. God, does he hate biology majors.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day it’s disgustingly perfect out, which means, of course, the usual influx of hipsters that think Barnes & Noble is the ‘opiate of the masses’. Hermann doesn’t have the heart to tell them that they don’t plan to stock any John Green anytime soon.

The bell at the front of the store dings, and like intuition, Hermann can tell before he even looks up that it’s Skinny Jeans.

He’s wearing another pair of his trademark skin-tight trousers, except these are ripped ( _Oh, how punk_ , Hermann thinks to himself) and his leather jacket again. His hair is propped up today with a little product, flowing freely in a truly gravity-defying way. This time he’s got a faded looking baby blue tee shirt that Hermann rolls his eyes at and won’t allow himself one thought about how it does wonders for his ocean-colored eyes.

“Was the first book not sufficient enough?” Hermann asks. He can’t contain the sarcasm that seeps through. “Or was my presence simply so overwhelmingly charming that you couldn’t tear yourself away?”

Skinny Jeans laughs, and Hermann’s scowl just turns deeper. “The latter, actually, if you can believe it.”

Hermann’s eyebrows shoot up. He coughs to hide his blush. “Yes, well. What can I help you with today, sir?”

Skinny Jeans laughs again and Hermann admires for a second the little crinkles that form around his eyes behind thickly framed glasses. His smile seems to suck the air out of the room and that frustrates the living hell out of Hermann, who happens to like his air very much, thank you. “God. You’re funny, dude.”

“I fail to see how offering my assistance to a customer is humorous.”

“Jesus.” He folds his forearms on the desk and leans over it to be at the same height as Hermann in his seated position—which he doesn’t have to go that far to do, Hermann notices. He’s quite short. It’s almost endearing, except that it’s not, because Hermann’s already decided that this man is Not Endearing, and Hermann is nothing if not decisive. “You really don’t know who I am, do you?”

Hermann looks around at the teenagers in flannels and impractical hats gaping at them in disbelief. “Given you’ve never told me your name, I’m afraid that I don’t.”

“God, this is so exciting!” he beams at Hermann. “I haven’t introduced myself to anyone in years.” He sticks out his hand for Hermann to take it. Hermann raises an eyebrow at it but shakes it tentatively. “I’m Newt!”

“No you’re not,” Hermann laughs.

“What?” Newt furrows his brows at him.

“What’s your real name?”

“My real name is Newt, dude. I don’t get the confusion here.”

“You were christened after an amphibious reptile?”

“No, dude, it’s _Newt_. Short for _Newton_. Like Isaac Newton, y’know?”

“Ah. That makes more sense.”

“Am I gonna have to relate everything to ancient scientists to make you understand?” Newt grins lopsidedly.

“No, you’ll just have to try say something with a trace of intelligence next time.”

“That’s not my strong point, but hey, for you, Hermie, I’ll give it my best.”

Hermann’s stomach twists at the nickname. “I’ll await that day with bated breath.”

Newt smiles at him fondly as Hermann turns his chair back to face his computer and starts to type nonsense, just to seem busy. He glances at Newt after a minute, twisting his mouth in frustration. “Do you require any further assistance, Newton?”

Newt rests his chin on his closed fist and sighs dreamily. “Aw, man, I’m gonna have so much fun with you.”


	3. Chapter 3

Hermann hauls a box over to the desk and wishes, not for the first time, that Pentecost would give in and hire some extra help around here. Not that Hermann needs the help, per say, it’d just be nice to have someone to order around and do things for him instead of having to juggle giant boxes filled with what are basically bricks with words written inside in one hand and a cane in the other. He can’t even find the energy to pretend to be surprised when the bell at the front of the store rings again. Like the horrible, Pavlovian animal he is he looks up expectantly and nearly collapses as a result.

Newt all but falls over himself running over and grabbing the box out of Hermann’s hands before he can have the chance to refuse any sort of help.

“Jesus Christ, Hermann,” Newt huffs before dropping the box on his desk. “That’s insane. Why the hell are you lugging that thing around by yourself?”

“I’m perfectly capable of carrying a simple box,” Hermann sneers down at him.

“No, I didn’t mean—I wasn’t talking about—I just meant, it was, um, it was, like, heavy, y’know?” Newt stammers. His face turns a light shade of red and Hermann almost feels pity for him, this stuttering idiot. “Even I couldn’t lug those kind of boxes around all the time. And let me tell you, I am in _great_ shape.” He quickly regains his cockiness and Hermann loses all pity for him, especially when he leans over the desk and winks, sticking his tongue out at him.

“That was actually so disgusting I think I may no longer be attracted to the male gender anymore.”

“Ha!” Newt exclaims. “So you _do_ like guys. I knew I was onto something.”

“Yes, you’re the pinnacle of genius, Newton.”

“Are you gonna call me that, now? Should I have just let you believe I was named after the animal? Do you, like, get your rocks off on old mathematicians? Because, and tell me if I’m crossing any lines, but we could, like, totally make that work, if you catch my drift here.”

“I may have just vomited inside my own mouth.”

“But you were able to keep it inside, so clearly we’re getting somewhere, right?”

“Backwards logic.”

“I think you’ll find it’s utterly forwards logic, Hermie, baby.”

“Is this your attempt at flirting? Because I feel as though I may be obligated to inform you that it’s positively horrendous.”

“Nah, I think it’s going pretty well.”

“Well, a hypothesis is nothing if not tested thoroughly.”

“Exactly.” Newt grins at him. “Okay, I’m gonna cut to the chase, because I’m only in town for the next couple of weeks. When do you get off work?”

“Er, my next break is in about fifteen minutes.”

“Alright. How’s about coffee?”

“How about it, Newton?”

“I’m not being cute, here, Hermann. Come on. Let me buy you coffee. There’s a little place just a block away. My treat. I’ll totally shut up. Won’t even ramble a little bit. You can lead the whole conversation, if you want to. About anything you want. I’ll even listen to the math boners you get about old guys in powdered wigs if you wanna. I don’t even care, dude, that’s how far I’m willing to go with this.”

Hermann glares at him with his mouth pinched up at the sides. Newton bats his eyelashes at him again and licks his lips in a manner that seems all too coordinated. Hermann sighs and slumps in on himself. “Alright. Fine. Might as well. Haven’t properly slept in two days.”

Newton quickly pumps his fist in the air before turning around giving Hermann wide, sympathetic eyes. “Why haven’t you slept, man? Party too hard? I know how that is.” He sticks out his tongue and waggles his eyebrows.

Hermann scowls at him. “No, you delinquent. I’ve been studying. I’m getting my doctorate in physics.”

“Oh. Well, same thing, am I right?” Newt smirks. “Knowledge is power, amiright? The wildest ride there is.”

“Quite.”

“Jeez, Herms, I love that little thing your mouth does when you’re pissed.” He bites his lip and his eyes glitter, Hermann swears to high on, his eyes actually glitter, like some sort of bloody anime character. “You’re precious. Talk nerdy to me, you crazy mathematician, you.”

“Dear God, how is it possible to regret a decision I’ve not even fully made yet?”

“You’ll get used to it real soon with me, babes, don’t you worry about that.”


	4. Chapter 4

When Newt walks through the doors of Pacific Printed the next day, Hermann wails dramatically. “For Christ’s sakes. Haven’t you got _classes_ to go to?”

Newt grins and cocks his head, giving Hermann a confused look. “What makes you think I’m a student?”

“Oh, please. You scream ‘biology doctorate’.” Hermann gestures to his matching leather jeans and jacket, white button up, and the unbearably skinny tie around his neck that looks nowhere near properly tied.

“That’s not all I scream, babe,” Newt winks. Hermann feels his heart stutter in his chest and inwardly berates himself for it. “Look, normally I’d love this whole witty banter thing, but I actually have a lot to do today, so I’ve gotta get out of here pretty soon. But I’m working at the Garden tonight and I thought you might wanna check out my gig, since I’m pretty familiar with yours by now.” He slides a ticket across the counter.

“This is a front row seat.” Hermann picks the ticket up and gapes at it. “At Madison Square Gardens.”

“Well, yeah, man.”

“How could you afford this?”

“Got it for free,” Newt shrugs. “I got a pretty sweet deal over there.”

“What do you—”

“Newt!” a menacing-looking boy with a thick Australian accent barks from the doorway. “Tell y’ boyfriend over there you haven’t god time for a goddamn cuppa. We gotta go!”

“I’ll be right there, Jesus Christ!” Newt calls back. He turns around to look Hermann with those infuriating blue-green eyes. “So? Can you make it?”

He considers declining and giving the ticket back, because Hermann Gottlieb does not do handouts. But, on the other hand, when in the hell will he have the chance, much less the money, to sit _front row_ at Madison Bloody Square Garden? Plus, it’s such a nice gesture, it would be truly impolite to refuse at this point. It has everything to do with politeness and absolutely nothing to do with how very, very blue Newt’s eyes are.

“Yes. Fine. I believe I’m free.”

Newt’s face splits into a heartbreaking smile. “Awesome. _Awesome_ , dude. I’ll see you there.” He taps the counter a few times before backing away, his smile still lighting up his whole face. “Awesome,” he repeats before turning around and jogging out the door, where the angry Australian is still waiting for him with his arms crossed.

Hermann sighs and opens up his textbook and wonders how the hell he allowed a skinny-jean-wearing amphibian with eyes the color of the sea after a storm have this much control over his life.

…

He arrives at the Garden fifteen minutes early and not entirely sure whether he’s over- or underdressed. He hadn’t thought to look up what the performance was that he and Newt were seeing, and his only clue was the giant, unhelpful marquee that read _KAIJU BLUE_ , whatever the hell that’s code for.

After waiting a frankly ridiculous amount of time, he resolves that he’ll just have to meet Newt at their seats. He quietly stews at the fact that he never had the foresight at the bookshop to get Newton’s number and thus can’t send him mass texts and phone calls telling him how rude it is to be late.

When he gets to his seat and finds Newt nowhere to be scene, he allows himself to stew a bit louder. Amazing. He’s being stood up in the front row of Madison Square Gardens by a boy named after a reptilian Isaac Newton.

Before he can get the nerve up to storm out of the arena, the lights start to dim and he realizes that dear god, he’s stuck in Madison Square Gardens for Christ knows how long, and he’ll probably never get out of this place alive, by the looks of it.

Four dark figures filter from behind the stage set up and quietly go to the four instruments set up on stage. Hermann squints and can make out the angry Australian from back at Pacific Printed settling himself at the drums and furrows his eyebrows. Is that Newton’s connection with the band, then? He’s the Australian’s assistant, or something? Hermann can’t decide to take this as a good chance that Newt is here after all and is just busy or if this is possibly more embarrassing because Newt is backstage laughing at Hermann right in his face without his knowledge. His train of thought is cut off by a familiar scratchy voice echoing through the arena.

“Hello, New York, New York! Are you ready for Kaiju Blue?”

Hermann’s mouth falls open and his heart stops in his chest when his eyes catch sight of tight skinny jeans and a terribly thin tie. The stage lights up and he has to shield his eyes before gazing up in awe at Newton—Newt—clad in the very same outfit he was wearing when he saw Hermann earlier today and holding a microphone stand tightly in his hands like it’s a lifeline. The crowd meets his enthusiasm tenfold and screams back in excitement.

Newt’s eye catches Hermann and he grins wider at his appalled expression. “Okay, okay, then, let’s go, let’s go! Jeez, I feel like I should be saying everything twice in New York, fuckin’ New York!” The audience screams in response. “Alright, alright, alright. This one’s called Drift Compatible, everybody, hope this one helps some of you remember a thing or two.” Newt slyly winks down at Hermann before biting his lip and shredding into the guitar strapped around his chest. Hermann can barely keep his feet on the ground as the crowd swells around him, screaming and crying as if they’re under attack.

…

“Hey, everybody, you guys are fuckin’ grade A,” Newt shouts into the mic, his voice already a bit hoarse. “But the voice in my ear says it’s time to take a break. We’re gonna take a quick intermission and then we’ll be right back to rocking your world, yeah?”

Hermann stares up at Newt with his mouth still wide open and can’t remember the last time he was actually stricken speechless. Newt wipes the sweat from his forehead and looks down quickly to catch his eye. He smiles and bats his eyelashes innocently at him as if he hadn’t just been gyrating against a mic stand for the last two hours straight right in Hermann’s face.

Hermann all but sprints to the bathrooms. He grabs the first person he can find fiddling with some sort of device and asks them desperately to use it. They hand it over in a dazed confusion, most likely under the influence of something Hermann doesn’t have time to worry over now.

He goes hurriedly to Google on the tiny screen and quickly taps in the phrase ‘Newt Kaiju Blue’. The first result blares, _Did you mean: “NEWT.”._ Hermann squints at it, wondering what the difference could possibly be. He taps on it and immediately the page is flooded with pictures of Newt— _his_ Newt, bookshop Newt, apparently-a-Rock-Star Newt—and, even more concerning, pictures of _him_. On _Google_. His eyes go wide and he starts to lose the breath in his lungs.

He scrolls down and sees several news headlines that do nothing to help his worsening condition.

_LEAD SINGER OF KAIJU BLUE “NEWT.” SEEN WITH MYSTERY MAN IN MANHATTAN EARLIER TODAY! COULD THE FAMOUSLY SINGLE STAR BE FINDING LOVE IN THE BIG APPLE?_

_ROCK STAR “NEWT.” HAVING COFFEE WITH UNKNOWN BACHELOR! COULD THIS MEAN THAT THIS KAIJU HAS FOUND HIS MATE?_

_GUITARIST AND LEAD VOCALIST “NEWT.” FINDS LOVE IN THE MOST UNEXPECTED OF PLACES! IS THE INFAMOUS ‘SOLO STREAK’ OVER FOR THIS STAR?_

As he scrolls down he can see pictures of him smiling with Newton, of Newton gazing at him with his lower lip between his teeth while he’s not looking, of their heads bent together looking at something on Newton’s phone and giggling, of Hermann rolling his eyes as Newton gestures wildly about something absolutely ridiculous, no doubt. There must have been paparazzi hiding around when they had gotten coffee yesterday. They were too caught up in each other to notice. He feels as though he may be sick.

He murmurs a thank you before shoving the phone back into the stranger’s hand and running to the nearest trash bin to effectively puke his brains out.

The lights blink, signaling that the show is starting again, and Hermann can’t get out of there fast enough.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bit long lol sorry but i couldn't bring myself to delete anything or find a way to break it up into parts...it's only around 2k though i'm sure we'll all get out of this just fine

Hermann calls in sick on Saturday and doesn’t work on Sundays so the next time Newt has time to disturb him is Monday. Hermann closes his eyes and forces himself to breathe deeply when he hears the familiar ding of the bell.

“Hey!” Newt calls out, and there’s a tinge of concern there he’s doing terribly at concealing. “I noticed you, ah, missed the second half of the show.”

“So I did,” Hermann says calmly. He silently scolds his hands for shaking over his keyboard.

“I looked for you afterwards,” Newt offers. “I was gonna have you backstage. To meet the band. They were all really excited to get to know you.”

“What is this?” Hermann asks, swiveling his chair to look Newt dead in the eyes. Newt staggers back at the coldness in his voice. “Are you having fun playing around with me? Oh, look there, there’s the simpleton, there’s the idiot, Hermann Gottlieb, doesn’t know a bloody rock star when he sees one. Are you mocking me? Because I must say, Newton, I don’t find it funny in the very least.”

“No—dude—” Newt stammers, and he sounds downright genuine, damn him. “I swear to god, I’m not playing you, no joke. I don’t think you’re stupid, man. I just—I like you. Honest.”

“And inviting me to your concert? What was that?”

“I just wanted you to see what I did. I thought that would be a cool way to show you.”

“Yes, quite a ‘cool’ way to give me a panic attack.”

“Oh, shit, man,” Newt scratches the back of his neck and blushes. “Seriously? Is that why you left early? Dude, I’m so sorry. I was just trying to be, like, I don’t know, quirky, or whatever. I didn’t know you’d freak out.”

“You truly are a genius in your own regard.”

“Hey, Rock Genius isn’t a bad title, don’t knock it till you try it.”

Hermann shakes away the thought: _I could stand to try you_.

“Okay, Herms, I’m really, really sorry about all this. Let’s start over, alright?” Newt smiles at him with that same smile he had his very first day in the bookshop. He sticks his hand out as some sort of peace offering. “My name’s Newt, like the scientist, not the amphibian. Lead vocals and guitar for the punk-rock alternative band Kaiju Blue. Rock God-slash-Genius extraordinaire. And you?”

Hermann takes his hand and shakes it. “Hermann Gottlieb. Part-time bookshop employee and full-time engineering and applied sciences student at Cornell University.”

“Cornell!” Newt shouts, and Hermann winces at the volume. “Sorry, dude. But, like, Cornell! So the stuffy professor look isn’t just a fashion statement; you really are Hermann Gottlieb, Supergenius.”

“I wouldn’t classify myself as that.”

“That’s alright; I’ll do it by myself and it can be our little secret.”

“Can we discuss how in Google your name is autocorrected to all caps with a period at the end?”

“Aw, Hermie. You googled me? That’s true love if I’ve ever seen it.”

“Shut up. You talk too much. Explain the all caps.”

“I dunno, my stage persona is pretty loud and boisterous, it seems kind of appropriate. Plus, our first album was called “NEWT.”. Not my idea, by the way, so don’t label me a narcissist for that one.”

“Explain the period.”

“Ah, I think it started out as a typo in the beginning, but we were too poor to pay for reprints so my manager sort of just spun it somehow. I forget how. Something about how we’re the Be All, End All of punk rock and how our album is both the beginning and the end? I dunno, to be honest. Something really pretentious and artistic or whatever. Tendo’s some sort of PR genius, you’d have to ask him.”

“So it’s just ‘Newt’.” Hermann raises an eyebrow. “No last name?”

“I mean, yeah, I have a last name, obviously,” Newt squirms uncomfortably, “but, like, I’m a rock star, right? Rock stars don’t need last names. Like Beyoncé.”

“Are you comparing yourself to Beyoncé?”

“What? Hell, no. No one can compare themselves to Beyoncé, dude. Don’t be stupid. I’m just pulling out examples.”

“I see.” Hermann folds his hands together and leans over the counter. “Out of curiosity: what is your last name?”

“Oh, no,” Newt grins at him. “I’m not playing that game.”

“What game?”

“I know your type. You’ll start calling me only by my last name. It’s hard enough having to hear ‘Newton’. Next thing I know you’ll be calling me by my full name, middle and all, like my dad, or something.”

“This is going very well, just so you should know. So far you’ve compared me to a stuffy professor and your mother.”

“Hey, I’m nothing if not one part Oedipal and two parts naughty schoolgirl.”

Hermann sneers at him. “Charming.”

Newt smirks and winks in response, biting his lower lip tauntingly and feeling his heart rate speed up a bit at the way Hermann’s eyes flicker down for just a moment to stare at the sight.

The bell at the front of the shop rings and neither of them dare to break eye contact. They’re only forced to tear their eyes away from each other when a loud cough interrupts them.

“Tendo, buddy,” Newt sighs, and Hermann refuses to miss his gaze as he turns around. “I told you I had stuff to do today. Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Yeah, you know who else are busy? The dozens of reporters that are outside because they found out the address of your new boyfriend over here’s place of business. I _told_ you that you can’t go walking around in broad daylight with the shit you wear on stage, dude.”

“Ah, shit,” Newt sighs, bowing his head in defeat. “Assholes follow me fucking everywhere. But I _hate_ wearing sunglasses and hats all the time, y’know? Ruins my hair. And covers my gorgeous eyes.” He sneaks a smile up at Hermann, who purses his lips and clenches his stomach at the butterflies that form there.

“The only reason they’re not inside right now is because the owner of this place is one seriously scary dude. Didn’t you say that he’s our sweet little Mako’s dad? How did that happen?”

“I mean, there’s no blood relation, so there’s a start.” At that moment the bell dings once again and Stacker Pentecost strides in, as if on cue, poised and polished as ever. Newt and Hermann both unconsciously straighten their backs. Hermann has to hold back the urge to salute—where the hell did that come from?

“Gentlemen,” Pentecost says, serious as always.

“Sir,” Newt smiles and bats his long eyelashes. “ _Real_ sorry about all the papz out there. Some people just don’t know boundaries, am I right?”

“Don’t be,” Pentecost says. “I’m sure the buzz will do wonders for foot traffic. Also, I’ve just learned that I’ve always wanted to make a reporter cry.”

“Right on, man,” Newt grins up at him.

“Been keeping my Mako on the right track, Mr. Geiszler?”

Hermann smirks silently. Geiszler? Oh, how very, _very_ punk. Newt turns a bright pink and Hermann can read his mind seamlessly: _Godfuckingdamnit_.

“Oh, yes, sir. No late nights or crazy parties for her, you have my word. She’s been hitting the books. I think she’s leaning towards a degree in engineering, in fact.”

“Wonderful. Keep up the good work.”

“Thank you, sir. I love your shop, by the way. Real great atmosphere. Great staff, too.” Newt points behind him and Hermann flushes red. “Hermie over here’s been showing me the ropes of the bookshop game. I’m learning a lot. There’s a real integrity to this place, y’know?”

Pentecost quirks an eyebrow and the corner of his mouth raises in a smirk. “‘Hermie’?”

Hermann glares at the back of Newt’s head. He grins widely. “Yeah, dude. I personally think you should print that on a new nametag. Give it a think.” He taps his own head winks.

“I’ll be sure to do that.” Pentecost looks over Newton’s head to Hermann. “Mr. Gottlieb, have the new books been put away?”

“Yes, Mr. Pentecost, I finished this morning,” Hermann answers hurriedly.

“Excellent. I’ll need you to order some copies of these English Literature textbooks, as well. We seem to be running low.”

“Already done, sir.”

Pentecost cracks a large, genuine smile at him. “Good work, Mr. Gottlieb.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Newt raises an eyebrow at the two of them and opens his mouth to say something before deciding against it and choosing instead to run a hand through his hair and turn back to Hermann. “Alright. Better get this over with soon. They won’t stay behind the red line forever. I’m real sorry about this, Herms.” He smiles at him sweetly. “Hey, you wanna hang out sometime? At someplace other than a packed stadium or a bookstore, I mean? Not that this place isn’t lovely, or anything. You’ve given it a nice touch, I must say.”

Hermann turns up his nose at him. “I suppose I wouldn’t be against the idea.”

“Awesome!” Newt’s face splits into a smile. He digs out a sharpie from his back pocket and tears the cap off with his teeth. He says out of the side of his mouth, “Just write your number on my palm.”

Hermann grimaces but follows orders, neatly tracing his phone number onto Newton’s pale flesh. If Newt objects to how Hermann’s hand lingers a bit longer than it should on the skin of his wrist, he doesn’t say a word about it.

“My friend’s having a small get-together tonight—just close friends—at her place in the city. I’ll text you the details tonight. Just tell me if you can come, alright? You can tell me more about the exciting life of a young, sexy mathematician and I’ll tell you about the time I met Stephen Hawking, yeah?”

Hermann salivates at the thought. “You didn’t actually meet Stephen Hawking, did you?”

Newt winks—damn him, that should be getting irritating by now but it’s really, really not for some reason—and smiles at him in response. “Guess you’ll just have to come see me to find out, huh?”

Hermann scowls and pinches his mouth up.

Newt laughs and blows him a kiss. “See you tonight, Hermie, dearie!” He salutes Pentecost in mock seriousness. “At ease, sir!”

Tendo raises his palm as a goodbye and smiles politely at them as he leads Newt out. “Nice to meet you, man.”

Pentecost turns to Hermann as the door closes and gives him a knowing smile. “Mr. Gottlieb. You and Mr. Geiszler?”

Hermann blushes and shrugs. Pentecost chuckles a little before nodding. “I’ll be in my office if you need me, Mr. Gottlieb.”

Once the door is safely closed, Hermann sighs and folds his arms on his desk before throwing his head against it in surrender. He is so terribly, awfully, and undeniably _fucked_.

…

“Who the hell is _that_ , then?” Tendo grins devilishly at Newt as they safely climb into their car. “Mayhaps there be some truth to what the papers are saying?”

“He’s no one,” Newt says, but the fond smile on his face betrays the sentiment. “He’s just a guy I met, is all.”

“No one is ever really ‘no one’ with _the_ NEWT.” Tendo waggles his eyebrows.

“Don’t call me that.”

“What? It’s your name.”

“I can tell when you’re adding the caps and the period. You do something different with your voice.”

“Hey, brother, it’s my job. Fire me if you don’t like it.”

“I can’t say I haven’t thought about it.”

“Hey, don’t even joke about that. You know we got something special. Now,” he leans closer into Newt’s space and smirks, “give me the details. Every boring, nerdy last one of them. Let’s start with his name and how long you’re planning on waiting until you give him your flower.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another 2k chapter. im sensing a pattern.

The “small get-together” at Newton’s friend’s “place in the city” turns out to be a booming party Hermann can hear from four blocks away from one of the most expensive parts of town. He feels his face go red as he realizes that perhaps his choice of blazer, sweatervest, dress shirt, and black trousers weren’t appropriate for this sort of soiree when Newt greets him in an oversized red sweater and faded skinny jeans.

“I look like a fool,” Hermann growls as they mill through beautiful, tipsy people in the lobby wearing tight skirts and ripped tee shirts.

“You look _awesome_ , dude, no kidding,” Newt beams up at him. “Hey, can I introduce you as a college professor? Up the shock value?”

“I’m a student teacher that’s only a year older than you. I doubt we’ll inspire much shock.”

“I dunno, man, I think you could pass as one hell of a sugar daddy.”

Hermann turns a bright shade of red and Newt giggles and twists away from him when he pinches him for that comment.

The elevator doors open to an intimidating penthouse flat. Hermann gapes inside, not even realizing he hasn’t moved an inch until Newt chuckles beside him and puts his hand on the small of Hermann’s back to guide him inside.

The walls seem to be made completely of glass, giving a gorgeous view of Central Park. He’s not sure exactly how to describe the décor, but it’s something like a modernist take on steampunk. Everything has a rustic feel to it, with gears lining the walls in lieu of where some might put artwork, and everything in this place looks as if it could break if Hermann looked at it the wrong way, even the furniture.

Newt grabs his wrist—and carefully avoids taking his hand—and leads him over to a group of couches in the center of the room. Two men and two women, all of whom are stylishly dressed and look about twenty thousand times cooler than Hermann could ever hope to be, sit on the couches and look up expectantly when Newt approaches them.

“Hey, guys!” he says brightly. “This is the guy I was telling you about. Hermann, this is Kaiju Blue.”

“Hello,” Hermann says shyly. He tries not to focus on the fact that Newt hasn’t let go of Hermann’s wrist since he started talking.

“Okay, so, these two right here are Sasha and Aleksis. The Kaidanovskys.” A petite but powerful looking blonde woman and the large man draped around her nod at him stoically. “Sasha plays bass in the band and Aleksis is her husband who’s also head of security. This is their place. Awesome, right? They bought it about a year back. I love coming to New York just to crash here.”

“Even though we did not ever give him an outright invitation,” Sasha says in a thick Russian accent, raising one perfectly arched eyebrow.

“It was implied, Sash.”

“It is a very lovely home,” Hermann offers nicely.

Sasha smiles approvingly. She nods at Hermann. “Thank you, small scientist man.”

Hermann turns to Newt, who grins at him and shrugs. “I may’ve told everyone you were a super smart science genius. I can’t help it! I get excited about these things!” He turns back and gestures to the large, angry Australian Hermann met the other day who seems to be whittling something out of soap, which Hermann was not aware could be done in such a threatening manner. “That there’s Chuck—you know Chuck. He’s the guy that doesn’t know body language for ‘gimme five, asshole, I’m trying to get my flirt on’.” Chuck gives him the finger, never looking up from his handiwork. “Chuck plays drums and is kind of a dick but we keep him because he does a mean solo.”

“Don’t fuckin’ forget it, either,” Chuck growls.

“Now, this, this here is our _shining star_. Don’t believe the papers, man, she’s the true frontwoman of the band. I’m just dust in the wind in comparison. This is Mako Mori, our superhero with a guitar strap.”

The young Japanese girl with blue streaks in her short, dark hair blushes and bites her lip shyly. “Newton, stop it.”

“She looks all cute and innocent now, but believe me, dude, she shreds the guitar like _crazy_ , like she was born with one in her hand or something, no joke. It’s the eye of the tiger, man, like you wouldn’t even believe.”

“It’s nice to meet you all,” Hermann says.

They all offer a chorus of grunts and polite smiles.

“Hermann, here,” Newt says proudly, puffing out his chest, “has _never heard of us_.”

Hermann turns a bright red. “That—that’s not true, I—I have…I mean, I’ve…”

“Didn’t even know who I was when we first met,” Newt says, almost shaking with excitement. “Isn’t that _awesome_?”

Chuck raises an eyebrow at him. “Jesus Christ, man. It’s almost as if you don’t even know what being a rock star is supposed to be like.”

As if to prove his point, right on cue a blond-haired boy races over to the couches, tripping over himself to deliver a glass to Chuck’s hands.

“Here you go, Mr. Hansen,” he says quickly, batting his eyelashes down at him. Chuck doesn’t even spare him a glance. “Scotch on the rocks, just like you like it.”

“Thanks, Roy.”

“It’s Raleigh, actually.”

“Whatever.”

Hermann whispers to Newt, “Who is that?”

Newt rolls his eyes. “Chuck’s new PA. He’s sweet on him. It’s painfully obvious. Don’t say anything about it. He likes him so much, it’s almost embarrassing.”

Hermann looks back at them with a raised eyebrow. “Who, Chuck or Raleigh?”

Newt smirks. “Both.” He quickly returns to Host Mode. “Hey, Mako, Hermann works at your dad’s bookshop, too!”

“You do?” Mako says excitedly. “Oh, how sweet! I haven’t had the chance to visit the shop yet. My father had mentioned that he had a very intelligent, hardworking man working at his store. It’s nice to meet you. He thinks very highly of you.”

Hermann’s cheeks turn pink and he smiles down at her. “It’s nice to meet you, as well. He’s spoken to me a lot about you.”

Newt looks at him puzzlingly before moving his hand to clutch his elbow, almost possessively. “We’re gonna go get some air, alright? See you guys later.”

Chuck whistles as they walk away and Newt flips him the bird.

He leads Hermann out to the small deck at the side of the penthouse and leans on the railing, smiling tentatively at him. “So? What d’you think?”

“They seem very nice.”

“They are, dude, they so are, they’re so cool. They like you, too, I can tell, which is really good. Really, really good.” He turns around to look out to the park and closes his eyes at the breeze that pushes his wild hair back. His posture gets awkward as he crowds in on himself and says quietly, “So, uh, do you and Mako’s dad—do you have like…I mean, do you two…”

“Do we what?”

“Don’t make me say it, man,” Newt whines. “Do you have, like, a thing? With Pentecost?”

“What?” Hermann splutters. “Mr. Pentecost? And me? No. No, of course—no!”

“I mean, it’s just, back at the shop you two seemed pretty, I don’t know, flirty, or whatever. And when Mako said that he said you were, like, intelligent you sort made this…face…and I just—I just don’t wanna be some weird third wheel you’re using to make someone jealous. I didn’t think you’d do that, but I just wanna make sure.”

“Mr. Pentecost is…a war hero,” Hermann sighs. “I admire him. I look up to him. He gave me a job even though he’s perfectly capable of managing the store on his own because I was having trouble paying my bills. Not to mention he has a husband and step-child to worry about along with his own daughter. I think he’s a good man. That’s all there is.”

Newt relaxes, somehow relieving all the tension and seriousness in the conversation with a single grin. “But you wanna bang him, right?”

“Newton!” Hermann gasps.

“Aw, c’mon. Let me have some fun. You obvs have at least a crush on him, anyways. It’s kinda cute, actually. You don’t have to be all Victorian with me, Herms. I know you’ve got this whole stuffy professor act down pat but I can tell under those tweed jackets and cheesy leather elbow patches there’s a stone cold fox.”

“I will leave, Newton.”

“God, I hate when you call me that,” Newt groans. He grapples with the lapels of Hermann’s jacket and pulls him closer. “Can’t you just call me Newt? Even once?”

“I don’t think you’ve earned it, yet,” Hermann says quietly. He pretends he doesn’t feel Newt shiver against him.

“Ooh, strict disciplinarian voice. Hot. I like it.” Newt sticks his tongue out at him teasingly. “What do I have to do to earn it, Dr. Gottlieb?”

It’s Hermann’s turn to shiver this time. Newt doesn’t even hide the way his smile grows bigger and his grip grows tighter. He reaches his hand up to stroke the nape of Hermann’s neck and pull him closer. Hermann allows his eyes to close and leans into Newton’s touch, moving forward slowly into his space.

At that convenient moment the door bangs open and Tendo decides to yell, “WHAT UP, BITCHES” at the top of his lungs.

Newt sighs and buries his head in the folds of Hermann’s sweater. Tendo stands up straighter, clutching the champagne and glasses he’s holding in his hands to his chest.

“Oh. Jesus. I’ve interrupted something, haven’t I.” He stands awkwardly for a few moments before looking back inside and pretending to hear his name. “What’s that, Alison? Be right there!” He sets the champagne on the ground and smiles apologetically. “For your troubles.”

“Tendo’s an ass,” Newt mumbles into the fabric of Hermann’s shirt. Hermann hums in agreement. “’M sorry.” He bounces back immediately, bounding to the bottle left by the door. He picks it up and smiles. “Might as well celebrate the mood being ruined with a bottle of champagne, eh, Herms?”

Hermann sighs and capitulates, bowing his head and taking the glass Newt offers.

…

Half a bag of family-size Chex Mix and a bottle of champagne later Newt and Hermann are strewn across each other in the guest bedroom that Newt is staying in while he’s in New York. Hermann sits propped up on his bed and Newton lies with his face buried in Hermann’s good leg. They listen to the sounds of a party dying down outside the door.

“Herms,” Newt murmurs, struggling to get up. He crawls on his hands and knees to sit next to him with his legs crossed. “Herms.”

“I’m right here, Newton.”

“I _like_ you.”

“Mm. I could tell.”

“No—shush, you’re not—you’re not _listening_ ,” Newt insists, slurring his words terribly. “I _like_ you. And I, I haven’t liked anyone in, like, a long time. A _long_ time. I’m serious. Are you listening?”

“Of course I’m listening.” Hermann forces himself to open his eyes and look Newton in the eye.

“Alright. Good. What was I saying? Oh, yeah. I like you. And I’ve never really done…this…before, you know?” Newt makes a messy gesture between the two of them. “But I wanna do it for _real_ , okay? You know what I mean? I don’t want you to think I’m just, like, using you for your hot bod or whatever. I mean, I’ll get there eventually, but that’s not the end goal.”

Hermann giggles a little despite himself.

“No laughing, man! No laughing! I’m serious! This is serious stuff!”

“You’re right. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“So, like, the point is, I think we should take it _slow_. Alright? _Sloooowwww_. Super slow. Like a couple of snails. Like a couple of super sexy rock star snails.”

“You’re straying from the point, Newton.”

“Right, right, right, right, right, right, right.” Newt bounces up and down on the bed. “Ah, god. I’m losing my initiative now. See what you do to me? This is your fault. I like you too much, dude.”

“I think the alcohol might be partially to blame.”

“Right. Obviously. God, you’re so smart, Hermie.” Newt yawns and rests his head on Hermann’s shoulder. “My hot, smart scientist.”

“I should be getting home,” Hermann murmurs. “’S getting late. And ‘s dark out. And I’m drunk.”

“Mhm,” Newt agrees sleepily. He says through a yawn, “I’ll call you a cab.”

“Mm. Yes. A cab.”

They stay lethargically slumped together the whole night, mumbling plans about how to get Hermann home before slipping into a deep, unintentional sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3k chapter this time. is it still a slow build if there's semi-porn in chapter 7? at any rate: this chapter is explicit, but not very, so don't get too excited.

Hermann wakes up with a start, bolting forward and blearily looking around at his surroundings. He hisses slightly at the pounding in his head that occurs as a result. He nearly jumps out of the bed at the groan that arises next to him. He’s only stopped when a hand shoots out and tugs him close.

Newt mumbles something indecipherable and Hermann nudges him into consciousness.

“Newton,” he slurs, his tongue overridden with sleep. “Newton. Wake up.”

“Hm?” Newt hums. His eyes blink open blurrily and Hermann scowls at how obnoxiously gorgeous he manages to look, even first thing in the morning. His hair sticks up randomly with what Hermann can only imagine is what young men strive for in the “bed-head” look and his eyes are a charming color in the early morning light. He props himself up on his elbow and smiles with half of his mouth up at him and, goddamnit, Hermann absolutely _loathes_ him. “Jesus, is that mid-morning light? I haven’t seen that in years. Er, I haven’t woken up to it, at least. Why are we up so _early_ , for fuck’s sakes?”

“I have a fine-tuned internal clock,” Hermann yawns.

Newt grumbles something under his breath and throws the blanket back over his head. “Wake me up after noon.”

“Jesus, Newton, what’s the time?” Hermann scrambles around the sheets for his phone. He finds it and snaps it open before making the most unpleasant screeching sound. “ _Newton!_ It’s nine-thirty! You let me sleep to nine- _bloody_ -thirty!”

“You weren’t exactly resisting,” he says from under his pile of blankets.

Hermann leaps out of bed, throwing the covers off him and leaving Newton whining and shivering. He dashes around the room, looking for any of his things which he may have dropped the night before. “I was supposed to be at work half an hour ago!”

Newt scratches his head and kneels on the edge of the bed, watching Hermann with a lazy smile.

“No, don’t get up!” Hermann sneers. “I’ve got it all covered here, all on my own.”

“Yeah, I thought so. That’s why I didn’t get up.”

Hermann glares at him before returning to his crazed chase. “Cane, where’s my cane?”

Newt yawns before slowly climbing out of bed. “Hermann. Listen to me, alright? Take a chill pill.”

“Don’t tell me what to—”

Newt shushes him and wraps his hands around both of his wrists. “Hermann,” he says calmly. Hermann stills and stares at him expectantly. Newt turns around and goes to the bedside table and cleanly pulls out a stack of Hermann’s thing. He turns back and hands each of his things to him one by one. “Cane. Wallet. Keys. You left them there before we fell asleep. Alright?”

Hermann looks down at his things, speechless. He feels his pulse start to slow and his heart stops beating as quickly and drastically.

“Call Pentecost. Tell him you were stuck on the other side of town. Tell him you were with me and Mako. He’ll be fine with it. He’s a good guy. He won’t get you in any real trouble.” Newt grins slyly up at him. “Now. When can I see you again?”

“I—I—” Hermann stammers, at a loss for adequate brain function. Goddamnit; he’s supposed to be the genius here.

“How about tonight? Are you busy tonight?”

Hermann shakes his head wordlessly.

“Alright. Text me your address and I can meet you at your place tonight. We can hang out.”

“Okay,” Hermann manages to choke out.

“You gonna make it okay?”

“I’m not a child,” Hermann growls.

“There’s my Hermie,” Newt beams. “Okay, get your tightass self down to your prissy little bookshop gig. I have work to do here.”

“You’ll go to sleep the second I leave.”

“And I’ll be thinking of you the whole time.” Newt winks. “See ya later, Herms.”

Hermann flushes a deep red before disappearing out the door and doing his best impression of a running gait downstairs where Newt had already called a cab for him.

When he arrives at Pacific Printed he finds a $50 bill Newt had tucked into his wallet while he wasn’t looking—substantially more than he needs for cab fare. He snarls at it and hands the driver his own credit card. The last thing he needs is to be coddled.

…

A loud buzz sounds through Hermann’s apartment and he walks briskly to the door to press the button to unlock the entrance to the building. He immediately hears stairs being climbed hastily and stands in the doorway waiting for Newt to make his way.

The second Newt sees him he grins brightly and Hermann’s icy stare almost falters when his lips unconsciously tug at the corners. He manages to keep himself in check.

“Hey,” Newt says warmly. He stands up on his tiptoes—which is not endearing in the least—and holds Hermann’s elbow gingerly as he kisses him gently on the cheek. When he pulls back he gives Hermann a puzzled look. “You okay?”

Hermann pulls the fifty dollar bill from earlier that day from his pocket and holds it between two fingers in front of Newt’s face. “I do not require a caretaker.”

Newt sighs and his whole body slumps in dejection. “Can I come in?”

Hermann steps aside in silent affirmation. Newt walks in, surveying the place quietly. Hermann had quickly tidied the place before his visit and only realizes now as his anger is starting to subside in the Newt’s all-encompassing presence how small his apartment is. It’s the only place he can afford in a neighborhood that doesn’t require a bulletproof vest along with the purchase. It isn’t terrible—enough for him, at least. He had never required much space. But now, compared to what he’s seen, with Newt’s friends and his career and lifestyle and to how undoubtedly impressive Newt’s own residence must be, he can’t help but feel self-conscious. It had never occurred to him to make the place more visitor-friendly as, he realizes now, he hasn’t had a visitor since he bought it. The only things in the tiny studio apartment are a tiny kitchenette, rickety table big enough for two people, three if he squeezes tight, a small television his sister had insisted on buying him as a house-warming gift when he first moved in, a couch facing it, and a mattress in the corner of the room with a place set aside next to it for his cane and alarm clock. The rest of the space is filled with books or papers which look disorganized at first but are actually organized in a very particular, if not mad, way.

“I like it,” Newt observes after a few moments of silence. “It’s very you.”

“Thank you,” Hermann says stiffly.

Newt sighs again and turns around to face him. “I’m sorry about the fifty, okay? I didn’t mean to, like, demean you, or whatever. I just wanted to make sure you got back safe.”

“I’m perfectly capable of getting in and out of a car, Newton,” Hermann glowers.

“I _know_ that, dude. It’s not that big of a deal, alright? It’s just a fifty. You know what I do. I’ve got all this money floating around. I might as well spend it on something worthwhile.”

“Brilliant. So now I’m just ‘something worthwhile’.”

“You know that’s not what I meant. Come on. Don’t do that.”

“Mr. Geiszler, if I’m some sort of charity case for you where you can tell your precious tabloids all the good you’re doing in the world, helping a poor, lonely, old, crippled sod, then you can just—”

“Jesus, Christ, Hermann, I’m not doing this because of your _leg_ ,” Newt snaps. “I couldn’t give a _shit_ about that. Like, obviously I _do_ , but not for selfish reasons. If you need help getting from place to place or need to take a rest day from time to time, I’m your guy. But if I lend you some money because I notice you’re low on cash or help you calm down during your asscrack-of-dawn-freak-out it’s not because you have a cane, for God’s sakes. It’s ‘cause I _like_ you, you idiot. And I want to take care of you. Because I’ve never taken care of anyone before. And I want to do that with you. Not your leg. You.”

Hermann glares down at him, his mouth still pursed menacingly.

“Herms,” Newt runs a hand through his hair. “Can you please not be mad at me? We barely even know each other. At least let me learn your middle name before you decide to never speak to me again.”

They stare at each other with steely stubbornness until Hermann lifts his chin and breaks the silence. He speaks tersely with a clenched jaw. “I apologize for overthinking things.” He pauses thoughtfully to torture Newt a bit. “But I maintain that I have the capacity to take care of myself.”

Newt visibly relaxes and even allows himself to smile a little and step into Hermann’s space. “No doubt, dude. I doubt Hermann, Cornell-Certified Supergenius needs a quaint little old rock star to help him cross the street or carry his groceries home. I won’t give you stupid amounts of money or excessively fuss over you or whatever if you let me at least help you out when you’re having trouble sometimes. Deal?”

Hermann turns up his nose at him but sticks his hand out. Newt snorts at it but takes it, giving it a few exaggerated pumps.

“Okay. Good. Are we cool now?”

Hermann allows a hint of a smile to pass by. “Yes. I believe so.”

Newt beams at him. “Awesome.” He flops down on Hermann’s well-worn couch. “Oof. You need a new couch.” Hermann glares down at him and Newt holds up his hands in mock surrender. “That wasn’t an offer, just an observation! Scout’s honor, dude. Come on, don’t make me do that whole thing again. Just come over here and sit next to me, you dork.”

Hermann bristles at the odd choice for a term of affection but obeys and carefully places himself next to Newt so as not to be too forward and get too close. Newt, it seems, has no qualms with being too forward and all but crawls into Hermann’s lap.

“I brought us a movie to watch.” Newt looks at the tiny TV with a raised eyebrow. “That is, assuming you have a DVD player.”

“Ah, no. I’m afraid I don’t.”

“That’s cool, man. Don’t worry about it. Brought my laptop just in case.”

Newt tears himself away from Hermann’s side to go to the knapsack he brought along and set up his laptop on the coffee table opposite the couch, talking all the while. Hermann puts a ridiculous amount of focus into setting up the pillows and checking his own nails to avoid accidentally leering at Newt’s ass too long. (In his defense, it is a very nice ass.)

“I brought _Star Trek_ along. The reboot. It’s pretty good, not amazing, but, you know, that’s a reboot for you. I thought it would be good for us, though, ‘cause there’s a lot of talking and dialogue and blah, blah, blah for you and lots of explosions and cool science shit for me. Plus, who doesn’t wanna stare at Chris Pine’s face for two hours? It’s a win-win if you ask me. Win-win-win if you count Chris Pine’s genes.”

Newt pops in the disc and settles the laptop at a good angle before settling back into Hermann’s couch. He looks over at Hermann with an agitated look and Hermann just sits, frozen still, afraid that he’s somehow unknowingly offended him. After a few seconds Newt picks up Hermann’s stiff arm and drapes it around his own shoulders before snuggling into him like some sort of small child. Hermann summons every dark part of him to be annoyed by this act of unabashed affection but instead, he actually has to actively suppress a smile that bubbles at the corners of his lips.

It’s a decent movie, to his surprise. He had known of Star Trek, of course, Spock had always interested him from an academic view, obviously, but Captain Kirk had sparked something inside him at a young age he preferred to never talk about in polite company. He had found comfort in his heroic and admirable qualities and the smooth way with which he handled crisis after crisis. Hero stories were a cliché but never failed to entertain Hermann, despite his father’s disdain for the fictional world.

Sometime during the movie—he doesn’t remember how—his fingers had moved to the back of Newt’s neck, carding long fingers through his soft hair. The second he realizes what he’s done, Hermann freezes, his hand poised in mid-air to stroke Newt’s hair. He almost considers withdrawing the hand altogether until Newt moves himself closer to Hermann and leans his head back into the touch. Hermann smiles, satisfied, to himself and continues to stroke the nape of Newt’s neck affectionately until the movie ends.

Once the credits start to role Newt rests his head against Hermann’s shoulder and smiles into the fabric of his sweater. Hermann rubs slow circles into Newt’s neck and Newt hums against the crook of his neck. Newt presses his lips to the side of Hermann’s neck; not a kiss, necessarily, but just intimate displays of clear affection against bare flesh. He does it over and over again until Hermann nudges his face over, giving Newt the excuse to move his lips closer. He mouths the underside of Hermann’s chin to his jaw and over his cheekbones. Newt moves onto his knees to sit on his heels and get better access to Hermann’s neck, sucking and licking and biting at every inch of skin he can access. Hermann stretches it to give him more to tease at.

When Newt places a hand on Hermann’s knee, he feels his heart rate speed up so quickly that it pounds through his chest and he thinks that Newt must be able to hear it. It only quickens as his finger inch closer and closer up his thigh. When it finally lands on Hermann’s crotch, he gasps with his whole body and throws his head back. His hips buck up to meet the touch, and he breathes heavily, never saying a word but instead using meaningless moans and grunts.

Newt sucks at his flesh hungrily and without mercy, desperately marking Hermann with his mouth. His left hand—the one that isn’t making Hermann omit the most sinful noises from his thin, pristine, pink lips—grips the couch so tightly that his knuckles turn white.

Hermann grinds desperately against Newt’s hand. It’s been so long since anyone’s touched him there that the stimulation is almost painful, it’s all too much. He whines and cries as Newt digs his teeth into his neck, leaving bruises and etching his name into the skin in the most animalistic way he can manage.

“Newton,” Hermann gasps, but it’s not a cry of pleasure, it’s an inquiry. “Newton.”

“Mm,” he hums back absently.

“Weren’t we…aren’t we…” Hermann screws his eyes shut, unable to process words with the warmth of Newt’s hand so close to his aching cock. “…Slow?”

Newt immediately stops sucking and his hand goes limp and Hermann almost cries out at the loss, but knows it’s for the best. Newt nods and pulls back, breathing heavily and running a shaking hand through his hair. Hermann sneaks a discreet look down and can see him clearly straining against his skinny jeans.

“Yeah,” he gasps. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.” He closes his eyes and swallows. He laughs in a purely humorless way that cuts Hermann right to his core. “I’m such a fucking idiot, wow, Jesus, I am so sorry.”

“Newton,” Hermann says carefully, cradling his face with both hands. “It’s fine. It’s fine.”

“I was the one who said ‘slow’. Jesus Christ. I’m such a dumbass. I can’t believe I just did that. Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” Hermann says sternly. “I did it, too. We both did it. It’s alright.” He swallows thickly and presses his forehead against Newt’s. They both close their eyes and breathe together, slowly and silently. When Hermann speaks again, it’s gentler this time. “I want to, Newton. With you. Eventually. But we should give it some time, okay? Let’s give it time.”

“You’re right. I agree. Totally.” Newt nods. “I’m sorry, Hermann.”

“Shh,” Hermann shushes him, pulling him close and pressing his fingers against Newt’s neck. He maneuvers them carefully so he’s lying down across the couch and Newt is between his legs. Newt’s head rests on Hermann’s chest and his fingers clutch the fabric Hermann’s sweater desperately. Hermann hikes Newt’s shirt up to rub comforting circles into his back.

“I’m still not using you for your hot bod,” Newt mumbles into his sweater, “I swear, Hermann.”

“Go to sleep, Newton.”

…

A few hours later Hermann wakes with his leg aching and confusion as to how someone so tiny can be so unexpectedly heavy after several hours of sleep.

He shoves Newt awake. “Newton. Bed. Up. Bed.”

Newt mumbles and grunts into Hermann’s chest. A pool of drool has formed around his mouth.

“Charming,” Hermann rolls his eyes. “Get up, Newton. We can’t sleep on the couch all night.”

“What? Who?”

“Newton,” Hermann says, trying to be as gentle as possible. “Get up, love. Come on. Up you go. Very good. Bed’s over there, in the corner.” Newt scratches at his face, where his five o’clock shadow is starting to become more beard than stubble. He sleepily tears off his shirt and starts to shed his jeans. Hermann’s too caught up being impressed with how he manages to shed what looks like an extra layer of skin so easily in such a sleep-addled state to realize the ramifications of Newt taking off all his clothes right in front of him. “Newton! No! Wake up! Put your clothes on!”

“Jesus, Herms,” he says, smacking his lips. “Chill out. I sleep in my boxers. I’m not sleeping in skinny jeans two nights in a row. M’legs’ll fall off.” He starts to wander over to the bed.

Hermann considers climbing into the bed fully clothed, so as not to provoke any further incidents such as earlier or give Newt the wrong idea, but realizes he is right. Even in his loose-fitting trousers, his legs feel stiff and uncomfortable. He skips stumbling around in the dark for his pyjamas and instead just strips down to his undershirt and boxer briefs before hobbling over to where Newt is cuddled up in his bed and, of course, taking up all the blankets, why not.

Hermann crawls in next to Newt, who immediately slots himself so his back is pressed up against Hermann’s front.

“Like being the lil’ spoon,” he mumbles through exhaustion.

Hermann just hums back in response and lets Newt takes his arm and wrap it around his waist.

…

The next morning Hermann wakes up with the most predictable hard-on and has to stick his fist in his mouth in the shower to keep from waking Newt up. He comes thinking about Newt’s warm hand on his trousers and cool lips against his neck with a muffled, needy groan.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back to a shorter chapter...1k this time. lots of fluff. don't hurt me; 2k tomorrow, i promise.

Newt doesn’t wake up until noon, long after Hermann has left for work. He finds a small plate with a bagel with cream cheese smeared on and a cold cup of coffee next to the bed along with a note that says “ _Be back around 2. You’re free to stay as long as you like._ ”

Newt grins at his neat, blocky handwriting. Polite bastard.

He flops back onto the bed and turns his head to inhale the scent of the pillow one more time. It smells inherently _Hermann_ —like shampoo and mint and the distinct smell of sweets that Newt knows just from looking at his uptight ass he has a weakness for.

Much as he’d rather not, he does his best to clean up. He makes the bed and puts away any of his shit he may have left strewn around and packs his laptop back into his bag. Sometime after that he realizes that Hermann’s got nothing in his fridge except some condiment packages, a few slices of cheese, and half a carton of milk. He sighs and calls for pizza.

Hermann arrives home juggling two or three grocery bags in his hands. Newt makes sure not to walk too quickly or take the bags from him with too much urgency. Hermann doesn’t say anything about it, just leans against his cane and sighs with gratitude.

“I got groceries…” he says and trails off when he sees the pizza box sitting on the dining table.

“Ah, yeah,” Newt says. “I got pizza. Look at us, what a pair.”

Hermann glares at him for a while before Newt catches on. “Before you accuse me of anything, Herms, this pizza was _not_ an act of charity, alright? Shit was, like, fifteen bucks from this joint around the corner. And I was hungry as hell. If it makes you feel better, I’ll eat the whole thing on my own. Trust me, I’ll have no protests in that department.

Hermann rolls his eyes and takes a seat at the table. His eyes trace the wad of napkins and paper plates sitting on the bed. “Newton, please tell me you weren’t eating pizza in bed.”

“No. Uh. I mean. Yes. But if it’s any consolation, I was super, super careful. No grease stains on the sheets or anything, see that? Oh, shit. Maybe a few. I’ll wash those out. Sorry.”

Hermann grits his teeth and takes a slice, dabbing it with a napkin. Newt smirks at him fondly.

“How was work?” he offers to break the silence.

“Fine,” Hermann says, waiting until he’s finished chewing. “Ms. Mori came by.”

“No kidding!” Newt exclaims. “I would have made an appearance, too, but, uh, you know. My whole disposition to waking up before noon thing.”

“Yes. Quite.” Hermann turns his head and something in Newt’s bag, flung open on the couch, catches his eye. “Is that the book that you bought? From Pacific?”

Newt follows his gaze. “Huh? Oh, yeah. I brought it as something to read on the way here. It’s interesting as hell. Why, you wanna borrow it?”

“No, I just...” Hermann stands up and takes the book out carefully, examining it with questioning fingertips. “I didn’t know you were actually into this sort of thing. I thought it was just…an excuse. To speak to me. That was stupid; ignore that.”

“Why, because I’m the idiot in a punk band that doesn’t know a book from a guitar?”

“Newton, I didn’t mean…”

“No, jeez, I’m joking,” Newt insists, flashing him a reassuring smile. “I get it, man. I don’t like to talk about it a lot, because people treat you a lot different when you’re not an idiot. It’s best to play dumb. But yeah, I’m really into that whole anatomical science shit. I was actually working on my first doctorate in biology at MIT right before I formed Kaiju Blue.”

“Newton Geiszler,” Hermann says, staring right past him. “Newton Geiszler. You—I knew I knew that name. You were the second youngest student to ever be admitted to MIT. You were in the papers.”

“Ah, yeah,” Newt blushes. “See, that’s why I don’t like to talk about it.”

“What are you doing in a rock band?” Hermann asks, before straightening his posture and trying to look more dignified. “That was rude, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“No, yeah, I get it. Why aren’t I out there, like, finding the cure for SuperCancer or whatever instead of singing into a mic to a bunch of walking mohawks.” Newt bites his lip and Hermann can tell this is hard for him.

“We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, we might as well. Better now than later.” Newt chews his lower lip nervously. “I got admitted young—really young. I was just desperate to find people who wouldn’t treat me like some sort of weird alienating child prodigy, y’know? Maybe make some friends, since I wasn’t exactly brilliant at that growing up. I’d hook up with anyone who’d believe I was legal and there was this one chick…she was into some more…unsavory stuff. Of the illegal variety.” He licks his lips before continuing. “We don’t have to get into the specifics. Long story short, I got mixed up in the wrong crowd. And in the end none of them so much as blinked before using me as their scapegoat. So I got into some deep shit with drugs, which MIT is very strict about, by the way, in case you were planning on taking some pills on campus. Yeah. Don’t do that. Got kicked out. Met Mako at a rehab center, where she was volunteering part-time. We got to be pretty close. She introduced me to her step-brother, Chuck, and their fathers, who had connections with Sasha. I had started writing music in rehab and we started playing it and then somehow people started to like our shit, don’t ask me how. Tendo approached us after a few of our gigs actually filled a room and we just took off from there. And now I stand before you, half-naked with pizza grease all over my fingers. Poster boy for world-fame, huh?”

Hermann pauses, looking at Newt with an amount of pity he had never imagined the man before him would ever deserve. “I’m sorry that all happened to you.”

“Hey, don’t be. Every star needs a rehab phase. Mine just happened to happen a little earlier than expected. No big deal.” He takes another huge bite of pizza. “Plus, I still keep up with my studies, as you have evidence of in your hands. I love reading about that shit. I’m actually working on a paper about that stuff—under a pseudonym, of course. That’s why I stopped in for that book last week.”

“I’ve only just realized,” Hermann says thoughtfully, “that I know almost nothing about you, Newton Geiszler.”

Newt grins wide at him, his teeth stained with tomato sauce. “We can change that real soon, babe.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just some background info so no one is confused: Vanessa is introduced in this chapter, who, if you don't know who she is bc she's never mentioned in the movie itself, is Hermann's canonical model wife. though, obviously, she's not in the universe this fic takes place in.

Pentecost may love the foot traffic that Newt’s visits have brought to the bookstore, but Hermann certainly doesn’t. His least favorite thing in the world may just be having to deal with people, much less people who want to speak with him _specifically_.

“Is it true that you’re _the_ NEWT.’s new boyfriend?” one brave girl asks one day with a copy of Sylvia Plath in her hands. Pink streaks line her dreadlocks and a shameless nose ring juts out of her dark skin.

“What?” Hermann splutters. He looks at the long line of people behind her, all glancing at him nervously and pretending not to listen closely for his response. “Who told you that?”

“It’s everywhere,” she answers coolly, pulling her phone out quickly to show him a headline with a blown up picture of him and Newt smiling at each other outside the bookshop.

“We’re just good friends,” he replies hurriedly, and visions of Newt’s solid hand against his crotch flash before his eyes. He touches the bruised skin of his neck that’s hidden behind his collar as he hands her change back to her. “Next, please.”

…

“Hermann!”

“Vanessa,” he says through gritted teeth, holding the phone an inch from his ear. “It’s a telephone. The point is that when you speak it is supposed to create the effect that you’re speaking right in my ear. There is quite literally no need to shout.”

“Hermann, goddamnit, I will shout all I _bloody_ want,” she yells, and Hermann realizes that that must have been where he picked up his nasty habit of swearing in times of distress. Since they’d become friends when he joined Cornell, he’d started to pick up on her keen abilities in emotional intelligence and become more sociable. Not much, of course, because there’s only so much Hermann Gottlieb can learn in that area. But he’s improved, especially since they’ve started teaching together. “My best bloody friend starts dating one of the most famous up-and-coming rock stars in the world and doesn’t so much as send a _text_?”

“You know I have a limited number of text messages a month.”

“And you know that’s not what I meant.” She makes an excited squealing noise into the phone. “Just tell me this: how does he kiss? Is it good? He has that funny voice and is so jumpy all the time—I bet he uses his whole body, does he use his whole body?”

“I don’t know.”

“What are you talking about? You haven’t kissed him yet?”

“No,” he explains calmly, “We’re taking it slow.”

“Hermann, ‘slow’ means wait a week or so till you’re totally fucking. Kissing is just about the only thing you can do while taking it slow. Tell me you’ve at least gotten a handy out of it.”

Hermann’s cheeks burn. “I’ll do nothing of the sort.”

“What? What’s that I hear in your voice? Holy shit, I was _joking_ , Hermann—have you two actually done anything? And you haven’t kissed? I don’t mean to judge, darling, but that’s pretty fucking strange, I must say.”

“We haven’t done anything, thank you. And you have a terrible vocabulary.”

“Ah, sorry, but I think my third paper this year is being published in the fall, so I’m quite sure my vocabulary is doing spectacularly, thank you very much.”

“Congratulations,” Hermann says, smiling a little. She’d been working hard on that paper for the last few months. They’d barely seen each other during that time.

“Shut up,” she says fondly. “I haven’t even told you the best bit yet. My agent, the one I just hired a month ago? She’s gotten offers from three different agencies. I’m supposed to try out this weekend for a department store gig! It’s not much, obviously, but it’s a good start if I want to give this whole ridiculous modeling idea a go.”

“That’s wonderful,” he says genuinely into the phone. “I’m sure you’ll get it.”

“Bollocks, shut up, you’ll jinx me.” She giggles into the phone. “Stop trying to change the subject. Tell me all about NEWT. What’s he like?”

“Well, first off, he adores his privacy.”

“You are absolutely no fun, Hermann Gottlieb. No fun at all.”

“Brilliant; that was what I was going for, actually.” His phone buzzes in his hand and he looks at it to see a new text from Newt. “Vanessa, I’ve got to go. I’ll phone you later and we can make plans to meet up and talk about curriculum.”

“Bye, love. Tell the rockstar BF I say hello.”

He scoffs before ending the call. He opens the text message quickly, cursing his nervous, shaking fingers.

**im outside**

He stares at the text, bewildered, until going to look out the window. Newt looks up at the same time and smiles, waving enthusiastically. _COME HERE_ , he mouths.

“What the _hell_ are you doing here?” Hermann says as he walks outside.

“That’s a nice way to greet the love of your life,” Newt deadpans. He’s unusually formal today, with a jacket over his button up—not rolled up to the elbows this time—and trousers that don’t look like they were painted on. “I’m taking you to dinner, buddy!”

“What?”

“Yeah, I realized today that I haven’t taken you out on a proper date yet. That’s my B. So I’m gonna make it up to you. Come on, I don’t wanna keep my driver waiting any longer. Poor guy’s been driving me around all day. I made reservations for seven. Let’s go!”

“To where?” Hermann asks helplessly. “Am I dressed appropriately?”

“You look like ten million bucks, Herms, I swear to god. You’re always dressed like you’re going to a five-star restaurant, trust me.”

Hermann climbs into the car after him in a dazed state.

“We’re going to this Italian place the Kaidanovskys recommended,” Newt says. “I think they’re just glad I’m getting out of the apartment. I always just mope around whenever we’re in New York. The city’s so full of punks, though, it’s pretty much impossible to go down the street without being noticed.”

“I’m sure taking some random bookshop worker out to a nice restaurant on whim won’t do anything to the press.”

“Hey, I’d go through a field of flashing bulbs and invasive questions if you were at the other end, Herms,” Newt grins and winks. “Anyway, this place we’re going is top notch. They’re famous for having a lot of notable clients so they have a reputation of being a safe haven for anyone avoiding the press. They won’t tip anyone off that I’m there. Especially if I’m just some nobody B-list with a guitar and George Clooney’s sitting in the corner.”

“From what I’ve heard, you’re nothing short of A-list.”

“That’s sweet, but I’m really not.”

“The customers at Pacific Printed would beg to differ.”

“Shit, Herm, you’re not getting harassed, are you? God, I’m sorry. Fans can be really intrusive sometimes.”

“It’s fine,” Hermann assures him. “They’ve been more or less respectful, for the most part. It’s really not bad.”

“God, I’m sorry,” Newt says, chewing his lip. His entire demeanor has switched from cocky to anxious in a matter of seconds. “That’s all my fault.”

“Newton,” Hermann smiles at him nicely, laying a cool hand on his cheek. Newt leans into the touch. “Stop. It’s fine. It’s all fine.”

“Thanks, Herms,” Newt licks his lips and smiles back.

The car pulls to a stop and the driver says, “We’re here, Mr. NEWT.”

“It’s just Newt, buddy,” he laughs and hands him a folded bill. “Here—thanks for the lift. We’ll be done in about two hours. I’ll text you when we need a ride back, alright?”

“Of course, Mr. NEWT.”

“God, I hate all those dumb formalities,” Newt grumbles as he climbs out of the car. He lends his hand for Hermann, who takes it silently and climbs out after him. “You ready?” He offers his elbow for Hermann to take it, but he just stares at it with a raised eyebrow. Newt blushes and straightens his arm out. “Right. Sorry. Lame. I’ve never been on a real date before. I’m not totally sure how this kind of thing goes.”

Hermann lays a hand on the small of Newt’s back and leads him inside. “I’ll help you through it,” he says softly into Newt’s ear. Newt shivers and grins to himself.

Newt rushes to get to the table before Hermann can and pulls out Hermann’s chair for him, beaming at him proudly. He takes a seat across from him and leans in with interest.

“God, I’m nervous. Why am I so nervous?” Newt babbles. “Look, my hands are shaking. That’s crazy! That’s insane. I don’t even shake when I’m on stage in front of thousands of people. That’s absolutely fucking crazy. I can’t believe I’ve never done this before.  You look so cute! Did I say that already? If I could I would totally just, like, go back in time to when we both weren’t crazy busy and take you on a date every single day for a year just so I could see you be this super cute and get used to this weird feeling. God, this is weird. I’m so nervous. How many of these date things have you been on?”

“I’m not so sure we should talk about things like that…”

“Aw, c’mon, Herms,” Newt pleads. “Come on! For me. Look at me, I’m so nervous. Just make me feel better about this whole thing. Tell me what I’m supposed to expect.”

“Well,” Hermann starts patiently. Newt looks as if he’s leaning on his every word. “I haven’t been on many. Just a few, here and there, in high school and maybe one or two my first year of university. Most have been like this, to dinner, sometimes to a movie, but that’s a bit more juvenile. Usually you just talk a bit and get to know the person and see if you like them or not.”

“What? Are you kidding? That’s easy. That’s _super_ easy. We’ve practically _done_ all that already!” Newt cries excitedly. “We talk all the time, I totally am getting to know you, and I already know that I like the _shit_ out of you. We’re, like, two thirds of the way there! This is gonna be a fucking cakewalk.”

Hermann blushes, smiling into his wine glass. The waiter comes by and quickly takes their order, professionally never mentioning Newt’s namesake. Hermann is silently grateful.

“So, look,” Newt says. “The real reason I wanted to go out tonight—other than the date, of course, I shouldn’t say ‘real’ reason because that implies that going out with you is a fake reason, which it most definitely is not—is because I wanted to tell you something. I was gonna go to the bookshop and tell you there but there’s already so much buzz around it, I thought showing up unannounced would just reignite the flames. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know—I’m leaving in two weeks. Not for long! Just a little while. I’ve gotta go back to LA for a few weeks to do some finishing touches on an album we’re planning to drop in a few months. So, yeah, you know, I’m just—I’m just letting you know because, as I hope I’ve made abundantly clear, I really, really like you. And I really wanna stay in touch. But if that’s too much for you then obviously we can cut this off once I leave, no biggie. Basically, I just wanna know how serious you intend for this to be. Because I know we said ‘slow’, but ‘slow’ can mean anything. Honestly, I’m comfortable with whatever you’re comfortable with. Please talk now, Hermann, my hands are starting to shake again.”

“I can wait a few weeks,” Hermann responds simply, his lips curling a bit at the corners.

“What—seriously?”

“Of course.”

“You’re sure?”

“Completely.”

“Awesome. _Awesome_. Fucking awesome. Alright. Shit. I feel so much better now. God, I was so nervous. Alright. Awesome.” Newt taps on the table a few times, unsure what to do with his hands. “That’s awesome.”

Hermann smiles at him fondly. “Quite.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> v quick 1k fluffy chapter...im running out of prewritten fic :0!!!!!! just dont expect the updates to be so quick one after another after this bc im terrible at forcing myself 2 sit down and write....lets hope for the best i guess :o)

Before they leave for LA, Kaiju Blue decides to do an impromptu gig at a bar that’s one of Newt’s favorites. It’s set up in a matter of minutes and a casual phone call from Tendo, which never ceases to amaze Hermann. He doesn’t think he’ll ever understand fully how big Newt’s band actually is.

It takes a little bit of convincing to get Hermann to come to the show, given his last interaction with that particular setting. Newt promises that it’ll be a controlled environment, he’ll sit him next to Tendo and Aleksis, who’ll keep anyone from trampling over him or asking him any unfavorable questions, and that straight after the show they’ll run out of there. No more than one celebratory drink and Hermann’ll be home free.

It’s a bit awkward to be seated next to two men he barely knows and-+ who barely know each other as well, but Newt can’t exactly be his buffer right now. Tendo and Aleksis both jab quickly at their smartphones, both looking like they’re settling a deal to buy a small island each. Hermann looks at his insignificant little flip phone and blushes in embarrassment at it.

 _Good luck_ , he texts Newt just to have something to do with his hands.

 **aww thx babe xxxxxxx ;)** , Newt texts back promptly, and Hermann rolls his eyes at the ridiculous immaturity of his typing style, **ill be holding the guitar but pretending its u <3**

“So,” Tendo says, and his voice is so booming Hermann nearly drops his phone. He leans across the table and grins at Hermann. He’s all teeth, like some sort of charismatic shark. “You and Newtie-poo. How’s that going?”

“Well,” Hermann stammers, “I, ah, I think it’s going well.”

“Never seen him warm up to anyone as quickly as he has with you. You’re real special, Mr. Gottlieb.”

“Erm. Thank you?”

“Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup,” Tendo says. “You ever see him perform before? It’s a real treat, lemme tell you, sir.”

“I have, but, er,” Hermann thinks back to vomiting in a waste bin in the bathroom of Madison Square Gardens, “I didn’t get to pay as close attention as I would have preferred to. I was a bit…distracted.”

“Newt, as I think we both know, has a really _unique_ voice.” Tendo chuckles a little at the word ‘unique’. “His singing isn’t much better. He’s amazing, don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t do any better, but his real talent lies in songwriting and performing. That’s what really sells the band, what makes it original. His stage presence is awesome. Unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. He draws in a crowd. It’s really something.”

“I see,” Hermann says, trying to look as if he isn’t entirely enraptured.

“Yes, siree, Bob. He really is something to watch. Trust me.” The lights flicker overhead and Tendo looks up. “Oh, brilliant, now you’ll get to see for yourself sooner rather than later.”

The lights dim completely and the bar erupts into applause and shouts as the band makes their way to their respective spots on stage. Newt bites his lip and grins, pushing hair out of his face as he approaches the mic. Hermann hears a few girls screaming something from the back of the bar and tries to force himself not to worry too much about that.

“Hey,” Newt says softly, and Hermann always knew that he liked the strange scratchiness to Newt’s voice, but he never imagined he’d hear it in such a sultry tone from an amplifier just a few feet from his face. He licks his lips and feels something get caught in his throat as he swallows. Newt scans the crowd and his eyes land on Hermann. His grin widens and he winks down at him and Hermann digs his nails into his palm to combat the flutters his heart does in his chest. “We’re Kaiju Blue, as you probably already know. And, uh, we’re leaving pretty soon, I’m sorry to say, but we wanted to say a proper goodbye to this lovely city. So this is one of my favorite songs that we don’t get to play at a lot of shows: _Up Close and Personal_. Hope you like it.”

Hermann hold his phone tightly throughout the show as something to ground him and keep him from falling out of his chair. Newt’s eyes only leave Hermann to flicker down to his guitar or close as his voice strains into the mic, but 90% of the time they’re staring at him with a sly smirk. Tendo wasn’t upselling anything—he has an overwhelming stage presence, one that takes up the whole room. Hermann knows that he could be biased in the matter, but the entire time he can’t take his eyes off Newt and even forgets towards the end that there are other people on stage at all. He has a real—and Hermann doesn’t even want to think these words—sex appeal when he’s got a guitar in one hand and a mic in the other. He’s so skilled it’s barely a struggle for him, and he seems so comfortable in front of a room of screaming fans. It pains Hermann how incredibly attracted he is to him at this moment.

After the show he can’t even move, and he probably wouldn’t ever have if Tendo didn’t grab his arm and haul him backstage before fans could glom onto them like crazy. Hermann fights to keep up, grappling with his cane helplessly.

Once they’re backstage Newt jumps out of his chair at the sight of Hermann and smiles at him brightly. He fiddles with his disheveled tie nervously and wipes sweat from his brow.

“Well? What’d you think?”

“Brilliant. You were…you were brilliant.”

“What, seriously? Are you kidding?”

“Yes, you were…yes. Thank you, for, er, letting me see you,” Hermann says, shuffling awkwardly.

“Hermann,” Newt beams, holding his face in his hands delicately, “You have no idea how awesome that is coming from you. You can see me anytime. You’re, fuck, you’re amazing, and so cool. I can’t believe you liked it.”

Hermann hums and presses his forehead against Newt’s, nudging their noses together. Newt’s eyes fall closed and he smiles to himself in contentment.

“Uh,” Chuck says loudly, “You know there are other people in here, right?”

“Fuck off, Chuck,” Newt says, his eyes still closed. He sighs and pulls away from Hermann regretfully, whirling around and going back to rock star mode in a blink of an eye. “Alright, some celebratory shots and then I’m out of here. Who’s got the booze?”

Hermann looks down at the floor and smiles shyly to himself. Drinks with a popular band and a famous rock star who happens has an insane crush on him in the back room of an exclusive bar. How the hell did he get here?


	11. Chapter 11

By the time Newt’s supposed to leave, they still haven’t kissed.

It’s not one overall reason or any conscious decision from either of them. It’s a laundry list of outside factors. There’s the occasional phone call or text alert that ruins the mood or take-out being delivered at exactly the wrong time or the ever-popular choice of bursting in on them when they’re at their most intimate. A large portion of it has to do with nerves, for the most part. It’s always time to go at the most inconvenient moments or a swift turn of the head when things get a little too close. The timing just never seems right.

They don’t see each other the day of. They’d decided not to make a big deal out of the whole thing, given they weren’t even really sure what they are to each other quite yet.

“Kaiju Blue is leaving today for LA,” Pentecost observes as he and Hermann stack away the books.

“Yes, they are.”

“Mako came over this morning and sends her best,” he says. After a few seconds, he asks nonchalantly, “When does your Mr. Geiszler plan to make an appearance?”

“He doesn’t,” Hermann replies. “They’ve already left, in fact, I believe.”

“Without a goodbye?”

“It’s only for a month. Less than a month. We’ll see each other again.”

Pentecost clucks his tongue and shakes his head. “A damn shame. A _damn_ shame, Mr. Gottlieb. That’s no way to leave things.”

“We’ll call each other. We’ll text. We won’t be totally apart.”

“A voice on the end of a phone is hardly the same as the real thing.”

Hermann doesn’t reply to that, afraid that he might accidentally second-guess himself. He’s never been quite fond of that sort of thing. Being wrong doesn’t suit him in the least.

…

The store is starting to wind down—only a few stragglers here and there. They’re set to close in just under thirty minutes. Hermann twists in his chair, willing himself not to think about the phone in his pocket that hasn’t buzzed once all day. It was ridiculous to think Newt would still want him after remembering what a huge rock star he is. Hermann was an idiot for ever believing that act.

The bell dings and Hermann doesn’t even look up from his laptop where he’s e-mailing Vanessa mindlessly in messages that are half sarcasm and half serious discussion about the fall semester teaching plan. It’s mostly a mix of both. He doesn’t look up, that is, until he’s being spun around in his chair and comes eye-to-eye with familiar blue-green eyes and a blindingly impish smile. He stares up at Newt, speechless.

“I know we said no goodbyes,” Newt says, and it’s at once the best and worst apology he’s ever heard, “but it was driving me insane not to have done this.” He digs his short nails into the back of Hermann’s neck and drags him into a sloppy, desperate kiss. Hermann sits still, stunned for a few seconds, before allowing his hands to fly up and cradle Newt’s face. He kisses back obsessively, catching Newt’s mouth sweetly and opening his own to allow him to tentatively press his tongue to the inside of Hermann’s mouth.

From the front of the store, they’re interrupted by a loud cough. Hermann’s head jerks away from Newt and toward the door. Newt’s eyes never leave Hermann’s face.

Chuck is glaring at them with a frightening looking snarl on his face. Mako is looking at them with hearts in her eyes and her hands clutched to her chest. She claps and jumps up and down in excitement. The Kaidanovskys both look on, expressionless and bored. Aleksis has a slight smile on his lips that no one thinks to catch.

“Can we go now?” Chuck scowls. “Newt had us turn the goddamn bus around for this shitshow. I’m glad to see this beautiful reacquainting, but we still gotta be in LA by tomorrow, and there are only so many flights from New York to California, for Christ’s sakes.”

“I’ll be right there,” Newt calls out. Hermann turns back to face him and Newt smiles wide at him. “I’ll miss you, dude.”

“Likewise,” Hermann says, swallowing thickly at the look of hunger in Newt’s eyes.

“I’ll call you when I get settled, alright?” He leans in and presses another quick kiss to Hermann’s lips.

“Let’s _go_ , nerd!” Chuck shouts from the doorway.

“Jesus, give us a second!” Newt screams back. He bites his lip and turns back to Hermann, pressing their foreheads together. “Alright. I have to go. For real this time.”

“Goodbye, Newton,” Hermann says.

Newt whines a little as Hermann presses a chaste kiss to his cheek and stomps out the door. “Wait for me, Hermann!” he calls out dramatically, blowing him an exaggerated kiss.

Hermann rolls his eyes but catches himself touching his lips gingerly throughout the day. He prolongs brushing his teeth that night later than he normally does to keep the faint taste of Newt on his tongue and falls asleep regretting every kiss he’s ever had that wasn’t the one he’d had that day.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might be kinda poorly written bc i cant read my own nsfw without cringing so editing it was kind of out of the question....but yeah minor nsfw in this one woahhhh

“I miss you.”

“Newton, it’s been less than twenty-four hours.”

“I’m allowed to miss you, Hermie-kins. You can’t tell me what to do.” Newt pauses for a second. “That’s a lie, actually. You totally could, if I’m being honest. What’s up with that?”

“I have absolutely no idea.”

“What would you tell me to do if I was there with you right now?”

“What?”

“Oh, come on, dude, don’t make me spell it out for you.”

“Are you seriously instigating…that…with me right now? We haven’t even done anything in reality yet.”

“Well, I mean, come on, Herms, we’ve done _some_ things.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Oh my God, it’s like I can hear you blushing through the phone. You’re so prim and proper, it’s fucking adorable.”

Hermann twists his mouth up and pushes away any thoughts of Newt’s hands or his mouth or what those might feel on his skin right now. “I’m busy right now, Newton. I’m meeting Vanessa later on to discuss curriculum. School starts in three weeks, mind you.”

“Ah, shit, man, I know you were trying to get me off the topic of phone sex, but now I can’t stop imagining you at the front of the class with some chalk and some little glasses perched on your nose. Fuck. Punish me, Mr. Gottlieb. I’ve been a bad boy, Mr. Gottlieb.”

“Newton,” he warns with gritted teeth.

“Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine,” Newt sighs. “God, you’re no fun at all, dude.”

“Precisely,” he says before promptly ending the phone call.

…

**\- supposed 2 b writing a new song but all i can think abt is ur mouth**

**\- r u rly busy or do u not reply 2 my sexy txts on purpose**

**\- afraid of being turned on mr. gottlieb**

**\- oh mr. gottlieb ive been so bad I deserve detention**

**\- punish me by correcting my grammar & pointing out the flaws in my theories concerning extraterrestrial existence**

**\- wld u b mad if i wrote a song abt ur lips**

**\- u hve rly nice lips**

**\- they’re like thin but a hot kinda thin u kno it gives u tht sexy professor look where u look pissed off & tired all the time but in a super hot way & it kinda makes me wanna tear u apart**

**\- im gonna write a song and call it Why Wont Hermann Gottlieb Respond 2 My Texts—Is It Because He’s 2 Busy Jerking Off 2 Them???**

**\- might have to shorten it**

**\- or i cld pull a fall out boy & just not give a fuk**

_\- I’m in the middle of class and your incessant buzzing is disrupting my lecture._

**\- omg seriously???????**

**\- quick stuff ur phone down the front of ur pants & pretend im giving u a blowjob under ur desk**

**\- hermie?????**

**\- hermz?????????????????????????**

**\- HERMANN?????????????????????????????????????????**

**\- 1 of these days ur gna regret ignoring me**

**\- u’ll say ‘oh please newt ur such a hot rock god plz give me a blowjob under my desk plz plz plz!!’**

**- & ill say ‘no hermie u ignored my txts u dnt deserve it’**

**\- thts a lie**

**\- id still blow u**

**\- i rly wanna blow u Hermann**

**\- fine don’t respond fuckface**

**\- (((im gna blow u so fckn hard)))**

...

_\- I heard your song on the radio this morning. I recognized your voice._

**\- what omg srsly????????????????????**

**\- which song????????????**

_\- Drift Compatibility if I recall._

**\- did u jerk off 2 it**

_\- Honestly, Newton._

**\- tht wasn’t a no ;)**

…

**\- im drubk**

_\- How brilliant that you’ve decided to pass this information along to me_.

**\- u luv it Hermann dnt lie**

**\- u luv my s xey stage dancing & u want mee 2 dance up on u admit iT**

_\- I’m grading papers, Newton._

**\- grade my papers u hunka junka man**

_\- I don’t have time for this._

**\- im gna get u drunk 1 of these days Hermann**

**\- 1 of these days mAry**

**\- 1 OF THESE DAYS!!!!!!**

**\- U WANT THE MOON HERMANN ILL GIVE U THE MOON**

**\- JUST SAY THE WORD & ILL THROW A LASSO AROUND IT & PULL IT DOWN**

**_-_** _Please stop_.

**\- y do u nvr apprc eciat e my spontaneouneous bouts of romance**

**\- 1 of these days hermann**

**\- 1 of these days…………………………………………………………………..**

…

While his students are quietly working on an assignment, Hermann’s phone buzzes on his desk. He grabs it quickly, embarrassed by the sound, and answers it hurriedly.

“Newton, for God’s sakes, what is it?” he hisses into the phone.

There’s no response on the other end—at least, not any words. Newt makes small whining noises on the other end of the line, accompanied by quick gasps for breath.

“Newton?” Hermann asks, his tone hushed and alarmed. He grips the phone tighter. “Are you alright?”

Newt laughs on the other end and lets out an affirmative noise. “Couldn’t stop…fuck…couldn’t stop fucking…thinking about you, Herm, Jesus Christ—I, uh, had to go home from the studio early because I was so distracted, God…kept thinking about your hands and your mouth and your tongue and, shit, God, I’m gonna—fuck, I just, hah, okay, I just wanted you to know what you, what you do to me and…oh, Christ…”

Hermann clutches the phone in his hand, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. His mouth goes dry and he holds the desk with his other hand to keep him steady.

“I wasn’t joking about blowing you, man, I wanna suck you until you’re crying and begging me to stop. And I wanna do so much more, like, you don’t even fucking know. I want you to bite me and bruise me so everyone knows I’m yours, fuck, I…I want you to fuck me so hard I forget how to speak, I want you to fuck me so hard I can feel it in the morning…shit, fuck, Hermann, I’m gonna fucking…shit, Hermann…”

Newt moans loudly in his ear and Hermann hears him let out a long breath. Hermann can almost hear his grin when he says hoarsely after a few seconds, “I just wanted the last thing you heard before you gave your lecture to be the sound of me coming.”

“Newton…” he chokes out, but the line’s already dead.

He turns back to the class, and if anyone noticed the stiffness in his posture and the bulge in his trousers, his students make no sign of it. Vanessa raises an eyebrow at him from her desk and he just swallows and shakes his head.

“Wrong number,” he mouths to her.

She smirks at him knowingly and mouths, “I’m sure.”

…

That night Hermann comes with Newton’s name on his lips and his eyes screwed so tightly he sees stars.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACTUAL smut in this one for once lmao hope its not disappointing

“I told you we can’t stop for your precious Starbucks every bloody day,” Hermann snaps as he and Vanessa speed their way down the halls of Cornell. “Now we’re late. I _knew_ we’d be late. But, no, Vanessa had to get her _bloody_ coffee fix.”

“Do you know how little sleep I’m running on right now? Call me when the photographer at your modeling shoot has deluded himself into thinking he’s David Bloody Fincher and decides to hound me into taking about 30 shots more than he needed.”

“Perhaps he wanted your number.”

“Well then perhaps he can _take_ a fucking number, the prick. I’m sick of men, Hermann, I really am. I just want to meet a nice girl and shove my relationship in every bastard heterosexual man’s face. ”

“I can’t say I feel the same.”

Vanessa flings the door to their classroom open, just missing smacking Hermann right in the face.

“Hello, class, terribly sorry we’re late, but—” Vanessa cuts off mid-sentence and drops her coffee, shrieking so loudly Hermann staggers back and covers his ears.

“Oh, shit,” a familiar voice says, and Hermann fights to push through the crowd of students that have formed in his class, most of which he’s certain are not his pupils. “I’m not in the wrong classroom, am I? I asked the front desk and everything. D’you happen to know where Hermann Gottlieb’s class is?”

Hermann shoves his way to his desk, where Newt is sitting with his feet propped up and signing something quickly. A line of students are in front of him, holding notebooks and camera phones in their hands.

“Herms!” Newt exclaims when he sees him. He jumps up and hands a notebook back to the girl he’s just signed it for, who looks at it like it’s a prophecy for all mankind. “Oh, awesome, thank God I found you. Your friend over there had me worried. I wanted to surprise you at work.”

“You’re…” Hermann splutters, looking out at a sea of students, who are all gaping at him with a newfound reverence. “You’re not supposed to be back until tomorrow.”

“Yeah, that’s where the ‘surprise’ bit fits in.”

“Hermann,” Vanessa says, wrapping her hands around Hermann’s elbow for support, “Hermann, NEWT. is in my classroom.”

“Yeah, hey, I’m—” Newt sticks his hand out in a greeting. Vanessa grabs it and shakes it violently.

“I know who you are. I love you. Not like that! I’m gay. I love your band. Sorry. Hello.”

Newt just gives Hermann a concerned look.

“Newton,” Hermann says with a sigh, “this is my friend Vanessa. She’s a fan.”

“Oh, right, Vanessa,” Newt smiles. “Hermann’s talked about you.”

“What? No, he hasn’t. Has he? Shite. He has. _Shite_.”

“Is she going to be alright?” Newt whispers to Hermann.

“Despite her current performance, she’s actually quite intelligent. Once she comes out of shock she’ll probably write an essay for you about your influence on her life, or something of the sort. She does love her dramatics.”

“Fuck off, Hermann.” Vanessa snaps at him. She turns back to Newt and says pointedly, “But he is right, I might actually do that.”

“I look forward to it,” Newt says with a grin. He says to Hermann, “Listen, I just wanted to pop in real quick and say hello. I should go now, don’t wanna totally disrupt your class.”

Hermann smiles a bit down at him. “It’s nice to see you.”

Newt bites his lip. “I’ve missed you,” he says softly.

 Hermann glances up over his head at the freshmen all gaping at him before muttering, “As have I.”

Newt chews the inside of cheek and smiles brightly at him. He tilts his chin up and licks his lips expectantly.

“Newton, _no_. Not in front of my students.”

“Hermann, if you don’t give me a goodbye kiss I’ll sit in the back and heckle you all class.”

Hermann scowls at him and leans down to press a chaste peck to his lips, partly because he knows Newt isn’t kidding and partly because he really, really wants to. They’ve only known each other a short while, but for some reason being apart from each other for less than four weeks felt like a lifetime.

“Can I see you tonight?” Newt asks quietly. Hermann nods quickly. Newt smirks. “Alright, I’ll text you later, okay?” Hermann just nods again hurriedly in response. Newt rolls his eyes and pats his shoulder before heading out. He raises a hand as a goodbye to the class and tells Vanessa it was nice to meet her on his way out.

Vanessa watches him go before whirling around and shooting daggers at Hermann with her eyes. “You absolute _bastard_.”

Hermann sighs and shuffles his papers together on his desk. “Back to work, everyone,” he says, fighting the smile that threatens his lips.

…

Hermann nervously paces his apartment, reorganizing his books, realigning all the things in his refrigerator so all the labels are facing out, and making his bed at least ten times in a row. When the doorbell buzzes he nearly falls off the chair he’s perched on to dust above his cabinets.

He stands by the door and counts to three before opening it. “Hello, I—”

Newt cuts him off by surging forward and pulling Hermann by the lapels of his jacket into a desperate kiss. He pulls back and breathe heavily against his mouth. “I was too nervous to make small talk.”

“Thank God, so was I,” Hermann says before pulling Newt back into the kiss.

They kiss until their mouths are swelled and bruised and Hermann’s hip starts to ache unforgivingly. Newt notices the way he leans against him a little harder than usual and tries to discreetly lead them over to the bed.

They settle themselves so Hermann’s lying down and Newt is propped over him, careful not to settle too much weight on his bad leg. He kisses Hermann sweetly and softly, sucking his lower lip into his mouth and smiling to himself every time he earns the small noises of pleasure that reverberate from the back of Hermann’s throat. Newt undresses him slowly, toying with the buttons on his shirt before Hermann nods shakily against him, allowing him to fully remove all his clothing.

Newt draws away from the kiss to quickly tear off his jacket and tee-shirt. When he moves back in, Hermann holds him back by pressing gently against his chest. Newt looks at him quizzically until he follows his gaze and understands.

“Oh,” he smiles shyly, “my tattoos. I guess you haven’t really seen them all yet.”

“I knew you had them,” Hermann says in awe. He reaches out and traces the colorful patterns on his skin. “I see them when you roll your sleeves up from time to time. I’d just never realized that they extended so far.”

Newt frowns a little. “Look, if they’re, like, too weird for you, or whatever, I can put a shirt on while we’re doing this…”

Hermann’s eyes shoot up to meet Newt’s. He wraps his hand around the back of Newt’s neck to pull him in to a rough kiss. Their teeth click together when their mouths meet and Newt groans against Hermann’s lips.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Hermann says into the kiss.

They kiss for a while longer, their crotches bumping up against each other tentatively and sending shock waves of pleasure down both their spines. Newt pulls away to catch his breath and Hermann moves his hands to cup Newt’s hips and his thumbs stroke the skin of his hips. “Do you want to…” he starts.

“Can I suck you off?” Newt asks at the same time.

“What?”

“I wasn’t kidding when I texted you all that shit, Hermann. I wanna blow you ‘til you see stars. Can I? Oh, god, please let me.” Newt’s hand moves down to press against Hermann’s crotch. Hermann gasps and shuts his eyes tight, bucking his hips up into Newt’s touch.

“Yes—yes, of course, Newton,” Hermann says breathlessly.

In a matter of seconds Newt’s moved so that he’s facing Hermann’s stomach. He frantically undoes his belt and starts to rip his trousers off before remembering his leg and proceeding more gently. He presses wet kisses and breathes heavily against his stomach, growing more excited as he gets closer to the arch of Hermann’s hips. Hermann moans breathily above him, tossing his forearm over his eyes and gritting his teeth with an expression that looks like a mix of pain and pleasure. Newt smiles smugly up at him. He revels in the sight of Hermann torn apart and wanton and silently begging for mercy underneath him.

He mouths at the fabric and smiles against it when he hears another helpless moan. He breathes heavily against it, sticking his tongue out to tease at the wet patch that forms there.

“Please, Newton, please, for the love of God,” Hermann cries, writhing against the mattress.

Newt complies wordlessly. He makes quick work of removing Hermann’s shoes and trousers all the way before settling back on his crotch. He pulls back his underwear slowly, biting his lip when Hermann’s flushed cock is totally freed. He glances up at Hermann and a jolt of electricity goes down to his own dick at the sight of his mouth wide open in desire and his hands both twisted into the sheets. Newt leans down and licks a stripe up his fully hard cock, earning him a twitch of Hermann’s hips and a curse under his breath in German.

He wraps his hand around the base of Hermann’s cock and wraps his lips around the head. Hermann’s dick jolts against his lips and he lets out a strangled breath. Newt teases him, licking the slit of his cock until Hermann can’t contain his ungodly moans. He flattens his tongue against the head and laps it lazily. He reaches up and wrenches one of Hermann’s hands from its death grip on the sheets and coerces him into burying it in Newt’s hair. Hermann’s fist clenches and pulls at it. Newt smiles at the uncharacteristic display of passion and takes that as a sign to take more of him into his mouth.

He opens his mouth and slowly takes goes deeper, little by little, all the while praying his gag reflex doesn’t kick in and ruin the mood. He hears choked noises above him and Hermann pulls harder at Newt’s hair, which only excites him more.

Newt starts to bob his head up and down slowly, alternating between licking and sucking with each move of his head. He pumps his hand in time with his mouth to get a good rhythm going.

“Newton…” Hermann says, and Newt stills a little. He closes his eyes and prays he won’t have to stop, not again, but Hermann just tightens his grip on Newt’s hair. Newt sighs with relief and continues working Hermann’s cock. Hermann groans louder. “Jesus, Newton…”

Newt licks another hard line up the underside of his cock. He’s rewarded with a swift buck of Hermann’s hips and a loud gasp. He presses him gently against the bed and smiles around him, licking and sucking harder. Newt quickly unbuckles his jeans and curses himself for purchasing extra slim when he shoves his hand down his pants to stroke his throbbing dick.

Hermann tugs at his hair and cries, “Newton, Newton, I’m going to—I’m going to come.”

Newt holds firm and screws his eyes shut. Hermann comes with his whole body, wrenching forward and calling out Newt’s name as if in pain. When Newt pulls back a dribble of come rolls down from his lower lip but he just swallows the burning sensation in his throat and wipes it away with the back of his hand. He blinks away tears from his eyes and chokes out, “God, you really pack a punch, don’t you, Herms?”

Hermann responds by grabbing the back of his neck tightly and pulling him into a harsh kiss. He breathes heavily against him, gritting his teeth and keeping his eyes shut tight.

“Do you want me to…” Hermann starts, trailing his hand down to cup Newt’s crotch. He makes a face at the seeping wet patch that’s already formed there.

“Ah, yeah,” Newt blushes. “I wanted you to, honestly, I did, but, uh, I sort of had to, y’know, take care of that on my own.” He smiles bashfully. “You just look so hot when you’re getting your dick sucked, Herm, what can I say?”

Hermann pulls him into another kiss, softer this time. They stay wrapped up in each other for a while until Hermann realizes it would probably be wise to be the realistic one of the two of them and ease them into the more unexciting parts of this business. He coaxes Newt’s jeans off his hips and Newt capitulates easily, pulling away so he can shed them. Hermann disappears into the bathroom and returns quickly, throwing a wetted towel and a pair of boxers at him.

“Clean yourself up. You can borrow my underwear.”

“Are those pajamas? Tell me you wear pajamas.”

“What else do you suggest I sleep in, Newton?”

“I don’t know, your undies, like a normal person?”

“Not all of us like to sleep in the nude.” Hermann pulls on a pair of striped pajama bottoms.

“Oh my God. The top buttons. It’s a button-up! And they match! Oh my God, Hermann. Oh my God.”

“Shut up.” Hermann crawls into the bed and shoves him back onto the pillows before pulling him into a more comfortable position. “I seem to recall you saying you preferred being the ‘little spoon’.”

“You recall precisely.” Newt grins and pushes himself closer against Hermann. He closes his eyes and settles into the blankets comfortably.

After a few moments Hermann breaks the lethargic silence. “Where are you staying?” he mumbles into Newt’s neck.

“Four Seasons,” Newt yawns. “Got a room there. No check-out date.”

Hermann pauses before saying simply, “Stay here.”

Newt turns over to face him, suddenly wide awake. “What, really? Are you serious?”

“Of course I am. No use in you wasting your money at a hotel when there’s plenty of room here for the both of us.” Hermann looks a little nervous and averts his eyes. “I mean, that is, if you are willing.”

“I’m _totally_ willing, dude. I’m _more_ than willing. Call me Willing Smith.” Newt beams and leans in to kiss him. He says in a softer tone, “Thank you, Hermann.”

Hermann scowls, but Newt can detect the hint of softness in his eyes. “Shut up and go to sleep.”

Newt smiles and presses another kiss to his cheek before turning back around and wrapping Hermann’s arm around him. “Sure thing, roomie.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: newt has anxiety issues and those are discussed in this chapter. there's nothing serious, just light talk of implied anxiety disorders/issues. i'll put a note if there's anything more serious in coming chapters, like an anxiety attack or anything, so watch out for that.
> 
> also just a warning this is my last prewritten chapter so mixed in with the fact that i've hit a pretty mean streak of writer's block and that i have midterms next week, just don't expect the updates to be as frequent as they used to be

Hermann wakes up startled by how cold he is. He swats the sheets next to him a few time before it fully settles in that Newt is no longer next to him. He sits up blearily, blinking sleep from his eyes. His heart sinks in his chest as he looks at the empty bed next to him. How ridiculous of him to believe anyone would actually ever stay.

His private pity-party is cut short by Newt peeking his head out of the corner where the kitchenette is hidden and smiling widely. Hermann relaxes and smiles back reflexively.

“Oh, good, you’re up!” Newt says. He disappears and reappears quickly with a large, embellished tray of food. “I made breakfast.”

Hermann stares in shock as Newt sets the platter down in front of him. He pokes at it with the fork he’s been provided. “You did all of this? On your own?”

“Well, yeah, dude, it’s not that big of a deal. Just some blueberry pancakes and a few croissants and some sliced apple. I’m not totally useless.”

“No, I didn’t mean…” Hermann gapes up at him. “What time is it? How late have you let me sleep?”

“Oh, no, it’s, like, eight o’clock.”

“You woke up while the sun was still in the sky?” Hermann can’t suppress a surprised laugh. “Has the world started spinning in the wrong direction?”

“Wow, you’re a math genius _and_ a comedic genius,” Newt replies sarcastically. “How will the universe face this new discovery?” He crosses his arms and continues, “For your _information_ , I was up at four AM while your lazy ass was still tucked up tight in bed, with visions of equilateral triangles dancing in your nerdy little head. Normally I go to sleep at that hour, which is the only reason I don’t wake up till noon most days, I’ll have you know. You know we went to bed at eight-thirty last night? That’s fucking ridiculous. I’d forgotten how much a good orgasm absolutely wipes me out.” Hermann blushes at that and Newt catches it and smirks. “I got up early, went back to my hotel, checked myself out, brought my shit back here, took a shower, sent a few emails, finished my book—it was awesome, honestly, you should give it a read—and then made breakfast. You’re welcome, by the way.”

Hermann rolls his eyes and says, “Thank you, Newton,” before taking an exaggerated bite of apple. He chews and furrows his brows at the tray. After swallowing— _God fucking forbid he talk with his mouthful, the polite asshole_ , Newt thinks with a grin—he notices, “I don’t have pancake mix. Or blueberries. Or croissants.”

“Oh, yeah. I also went to the store. What kind of person only has plain cereal for breakfast? A goddamn monster, I’ll tell you who. I stocked you up on the most important meal of the day. You’ll thank me later.”

Hermann huffs and takes a bite of the pancakes. His eyes widen and he says (after chewing, of course), “These are fantastic.”

“Did I not tell you I can kind of cook? Those aren’t the box pancake mix kind, by the way, that’s straight up scratch. My dad taught me how. I can show you, too; it’s really fun, actually.”

Hermann sets the tray beside the bed and reaches one finger up to crook it at Newt. “Come here.”

Newt smiles like a proud puppy before crawling onto the bed and climbing onto Hermann’s lap. He settles his hands on both of his shoulders and Hermann cups Newt’s face sweetly in his hands, leaning up to kiss him softly. They kiss for long, lazy minutes, rocking against each other only slightly. Newt pushes Hermann onto his back and drags their hips together in tantalizingly slow circles.

“I just realized,” Newt says when they pull back quickly for breath, “that this is the first time I’ve really gotten the chance to have a long make-out sesh with you.”

“How’s it going so far?” Hermann asks, looking up at him with hooded eyes. Newt’s cock twitches in his underwear.

“Awesome,” he says, unable to think up a wittier response. Hermann smiles as he leans back in to kiss him again.

Newt opens Hermann’s mouth slowly, running his tongue against the inner edge of Hermann’s lip shakily. When Hermann shivers against him he takes that as an invitation and presses his tongue further into his mouth, cautiously brushing it against his. Hermann jumps against him and pulls him tighter in response. Newt kisses him triumphantly, grinding harder against him as a personal reward to himself.

After a few minutes Newt is almost painfully hard but too nervous to say anything about it. He all but cries out with pleasure when Hermann’s hand trails slowly to cup him through his boxers. He ruts into Hermann’s hand desperately and licks further into Hermann’s mouth. Hermann grins and presses the heel of his hand against Newt’s crotch, listening hungrily to the breathy moans and soft keening sounds Newt makes into his mouth.

He carefully pulls himself and Newt out of their underwear and slots them against each other so he’s stroking both of them together.

“Is this okay?” Hermann asks into Newt’s mouth.

Newt just screws his eyes shut tight and nods jerkily, kissing Hermann harder.

Hermann tugs at them both slowly, his breath hitching in his throat. Newt braces his hands over Hermann’s head and thrusts against him, eliciting a throaty moan from them both.

Newt comes first, his hips twitching against Hermann’s hand and his lower lip between Hermann’s teeth. After he quickly collects himself he props himself up to wrap his hand around Hermann’s trembling fingers and pump him firmly. He moves his lips to kiss Hermann’s neck and swipes his thumb over the head of Hermann’s cock swiftly, which causes him to gasp and thrust up against Newt. He comes instantly and they both breathe heavily together, waiting to catch their own respective breaths before they have to deal with the boring business of clean-up duty.

“Fantastic,” Hermann grumbles against Newt’s hair. “Now I have to clean these sheets.”

Newt laughs into Hermann’s chest and reaches up to kiss him deeply and fully. “I could so get used to lazy Saturday morning sex.”

Hermann grins and kisses him back. “So could I.”

…

Hermann has to work that day at Pacific Printed. When school starts again he usually has a busy schedule, but he picks short shifts up at the bookshop whenever Pentecost will let him just for the extra cash. Today he works for a few hours, dodging the knowing grins Pentecost sends his way. No doubt Newt called Mako this morning and told her all the details and that now inexplicably his boss knows every bit of his personal life. At least, he reasons, it’s not in the tabloids. Yet.

Newt attacks him the second he walks through the doorway, going up on the tips of his toes to kiss him fervently. Hermann returns the kiss after a few seconds of shocked stupor. Just as he’s starting to really get into it Newt laughs and pulls back, pushing Hermann away gently.

“That was supposed to be a ‘welcome home from work’ kiss,” Newt grins, “not a ‘welcome back from war’ kiss.”

Hermann hums absently in response, his gaze falling down to scan the rest of Newt seductively.

“Hey, buddy, my eyes are up here,” Newt says, directing Hermann’s chin up to face him. Hermann smiles and leans into the touch. “I got something. You’re gonna like this. Or hate it, possibly. I never know with you. Please try not to hate it, though.” He turns around and rummages through his bag. Hermann leers at his backside obviously, but Newt shows no signs of argument towards it. He pulls out two pairs of sunglasses and two hats, grinning triumphantly.

Hermann raises an eyebrow. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“They’re for us!”

“Yes, I gathered that.”

“Well, look, I know you’re gonna start to resent me if I make you stay cooped up here the whole time I’m staying here just rotting away in your little apartment. So I broke my ‘no disguises’ rule and got us some matching hats and sunglasses, so we can be mysterious _and_ stylish!” Newt smiles at him proudly. “I was gonna splurge on the balaclavas, but then I realized you’d probably say something lame like ‘people will call the police on us’ or ‘it’s not practical’ or whatever other dumb excuse you can come up with because you’re Hermann the Naysayer and I’m sorry for interrupting myself but I just thought that up on the spot and 100% serious can we pretty please play Dungeons and Dragons together and make that your character name?” Newt closes his eyes and pauses to take a breath. After a moment he opens them again and licks his lips and scratches his arm shyly. “Do, uh, d’you…like it? You haven’t spoken in a while. Is it stupid? It’s stupid, isn’t it. Sorry, Herms, I just got carried away—”

“Newton,” Hermann says firmly, cutting him off quickly. He cups Newt’s chin and tilts it up to kiss him softly on the mouth. “I love it. I think it’s terribly sweet.”

Newt’s shoulders fall with released tension. “Oh. Good. Awesome. Cool.” He grins and throws the hat and sunglasses at Hermann before putting his own on. He turns and looks in the reflection of the window. “Woah, look at that, Hermann. I make a hot hipster. I might make the switch to the alternative genre now.”

“Yes, you’re an absolute vision,” Hermann rolls his eyes before staring at his beanie and putting it on directly. He glares at Newt. “I look ridiculous.”

Newt laughs and helps him adjust it. “That’s because you’ve got it on wrong. Alright. Okay! There! Look, now we’re both hot hipsters.” Newt tosses on his knock-off Ray Bans and grins at Hermann. He nods at him and says, “Your turn.”

Hermann puts on his sunglasses and blinks a few times. “Are you sure this is alright?”

“It’ll be fine. No one will recognize us. And if they do, we’ll just be really quiet about it. Pose for a few pictures, sign a few tee shirts, ask politely for them to not tell anyone, and dash out of there quick as a bunny.”

Hermann leans down and tilts Newt’s sunglasses up so he can look into his eyes. He smiles, comforted by the warm blue that gazes back at him. “Okay,” he says simply and leans down to kiss him.

Newt bites his lip and smiles back up at him. He threads his fingers through Hermann’s shyly and squeezes. Hermann feels Newt’s quickened pulse beat against his and nods at him reassuringly, squeezing Newt’s hand back and letting himself be dragged out the door.

…

“This is so weird, man. I haven’t been to a park in fuckin’ _years_ ,” Newt babbles, looking around him in awe, “This is, like, Central Park, huh? Not at all how I imagined it. I don’t know what I imagined it as, though, to be honest. Y’know I’ve never been here? I mean, obviously I have, like on the outside, because Sasha and Aleksis’s place is right on it and all, so I’ve been around the perimeter. And I think I played a show here once. Long, long time ago, like ages ago, you know, and it was dark, anyway, and I was only here for maybe two, three hours before I zoomed out of the place like crazy. It’s much different being on the inside when there’s still daylight. And just being a casual observer and all. Why am I nervous? Do parks usually make people nervous? I feel like I read this really in-depth paper once on how colors and smells and sounds and all that jazz have this weird impact on our neural systems and bring back long-suppressed memories—I wonder if something ever happened to me in a park when I was younger. Or maybe it’s the whole giant superstar right in plain view thing—are those people looking at us, Hermann, I’m dead serious—I’ll die if they are—hey, real quick, where’s the most public place you’ve had sex? Because I’m thinking that those bushes are the best way to break some kind of record if you’re game—”

“Newton,” Hermann says calmly, threading his fingers through Newt’s hand, “Do shut up.”

“Sorry about that,” Newt says, blushing behind his thick sunglasses. “Sometimes when I get nervous I tend to ramble and say shit I wouldn’t otherwise.

“I’ve noticed.”

“So, do you, like, come here often?” Newt asks. “That wasn’t a cheesy pick-up line, I swear I’m just bad at talking.”

“Sometimes, to grade papers or just to stretch out my legs when they get too stiff.”

Newt smiles up at him. “You’re kinda quiet and withdrawn, Herms. I like that.”

“I’m loathe to admit that I can’t say the same about you.”

“What, you can’t say I’m quiet or you can’t say you like me?”

Hermann glares down at him underneath his sunglasses. “You know which.”

Newt laughs and pulls Hermann’s arm close to him, nuzzling his nose in the fabric of his sweater. “Oh, God, Hermann. You’re gonna kill me, you really are.”

“I look forward to it.”

…

While they’re sitting on a bench, they start to get more comfortable and a bit cocky about the fact that no one has recognized them yet. Brilliant as they both are, they’re simply too foolish to realize the fact that hats and sunglasses have never successfully deterred the public.

In the end, it’s two girls who notice them first.

They’re both perfectly lovely, around 16 years of age. One has short, spiky power blue hair and the other has long, brown hair and wide, shy eyes. They approach them timidly and quietly, politely never doing anything attention-attracting or overly intrusive.

“It’s so crazy to meet you,” the blue-haired girl—noticeably the more talkative of the two—says, “My girlfriend—this is Nellie, by the way, my name is Jasmine—and I were literally just talking about how cool and awesome your band is and, like, how totally cool it is to have a real-life unabashed queer role model. You two are the cutest couple, by the way.”

Newt grins up at her and Hermann blushes beside him, folding in on himself warily.

“That’s awesome, dude,” Newt says with genuine excitement. Hermann smiles to himself. “I’m so glad you like the band. You guys are so cool. Love your hair, by the way. Big Mako Mori fan?”

Jasmine strokes her hair and giggles. “Yeah, actually. I’m in love with her.” Her girlfriend smacks her lightly and Jasmine laughs before throwing her arm around Nellie’s shoulders. “In a totally platonic way, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Newt jokes. He licks his lip in concentration as he leans down to autograph the girls’ papers.

Hermann folds his hands in his lap and stares down at them awkwardly. He only lifts his head in surprise when Nellie says softly, “I like your hat.”

He blinks at her a few times before remembering how to speak and saying, “O-oh. Oh. Thank—ah, thank you.”

She smiles down at her shoes. Jasmine snickers and says, “She thinks you’re cute.” Nellie gasps and shoves her. “She dragged me to your bookstore and got all pouty when you weren’t there.”

Hermann’s face turns red and he stammers in embarrassment. “I, ah, um. Oh. Thank…thank you?”

Newt grins and hands his autograph back to the girls. “I think he’s cute, too,” he says, winking as he slides his sunglasses back on his face and holds out his hand to lace it in Hermann’s. Hermann follows his lead and stands up next to him. “Listen, could you two be the punkest angels ever and not tell anyone else we’re here? We’d hate to be bombarded by photographers on our day out.”

“No, yeah, totally!” Jasmine shakes her head fervently. “We won’t tell anyone.”

“Thanks so much. You guys are so cool. Please don’t sell my autograph on e-bay. I’ve already tried, they’re not going for much anyway.”

“Of course,” Jasmine laughs. “Have a nice day.”

“Bye,” Nellie says quietly. Hermann blushes back and waves in response.

“Ready?” Newt asks him. Hermann nods and they head off in the opposite direction, both smiling fondly as they hear the girls squeal together behind them.

“They were very nice,” Hermann comments after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah, we have the best fans.” Newt scrubs a hand over his face. “Listen, you wanna get out of here?”

Hermann pulls Newt closer to him. “Alright.”

When they settle into the backseat of Newt’s private car, he tosses his hat and sunglasses off and throws them onto the floor of the car. Hermann does the same and calmly folds his, placing them neatly in the pocket of the car door beside him. He glances over at Newt’s crumpled position and discreetly closes the partition between them and the driver.

Newt holds his hand over his eyes and sighs. “Sorry for bolting back there. We were having a nice time, too. Wow. Jesus, I’m a dick.”

“It’s fine, Newton. It’s getting late. We ought to have been getting home anyhow.”

“It’s just…those girls, man. They really messed me up.” He rubs his fists over his eyes until he sees stars behind his eyelids.

“They seemed perfectly polite to me.”

“No, they were cool, they were totally awesome. I just—Christ. I don’t know. I wasn’t _prepared_ for them, you know what I mean?”

“I don’t think I do.”

“It’s like…” Newt fiddles with his hands and stares down at them. “It’s like I have this weird…I don’t know. Anxiety problem, I guess. Which sounds dumb and made up, because how can someone whose career is 50% being surrounded in a huge crowd have an anxiety problem, but it’s true. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s not serious, like, I don’t have to take medication for it or anything. I’m just, like, petrified of social interaction. My whole drug problem thing all started because I just had no idea how to deal with people sober. And I know my whole job choice seems strange or whatever because of that, but—I don’t know how to describe it. When I’m on a stage, you’d think my anxiety levels would be up to the roof, but for some reason when I’m performing I just—it all goes away, you know? I feel like I can breathe again, because I’m doing my thing and I’m doing what I’m best at and I’m doing it in front of people who have pretty much affirmed in every conceivable way they dig me, too. And usually I’m okay with fans, because I can prepare myself, you know? I’m at an event or like when I was at your school and knew I’d probably run into a few fans or I’m in LA where fucking everybody’s famous so who would even bother me for an autograph. I know I said it was cool and that I could handle it or whatever, but I guess I was lying. Because I had totally forgotten who I was just then and those girls came up and totally shattered that illusion and, I don’t know. It threw me off, I guess. I’ve gotten better at masking it but for some reason I can’t contain it fully. It’s just anxiety, is all. I don’t know. I’m an asshole. Sorry for all…this.”

Hermann leans over in his seat and turns Newt to face him instead of the window and kisses him softly. Newt melts into the kiss, holding Hermann’s hand gingerly in his. “You should tell me about these things before we leave the house, Newton,” he says. “You shouldn’t be embarrassed of something like that.”

“I can’t help it. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Stop apologizing. You’ve done nothing wrong,” Hermann scolds him gently. “I can’t say I fully understand your condition, but I want to try. And I want you to be honest with me next time.” He kisses him again. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Okay.” Newt smiles against Hermann’s mouth, releasing the tension with just the slight quirk of his lips. “That girl had a crush on you.”

Hermann scowls and rolls his eyes. “Must have been a practical joke.”

“What, are you kidding? She looked like she was gonna explode.”

“She could find someone better.”

“Don’t even joke about something like that,” Newt smiles at him and pulls him into a deep kiss. “She’s got good taste, Hermie. Girl’s going places.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I have a crush on you, too, Hermann Gottlieb,” Newt says, batting his eyelashes.

“I’m warning you, Newton.”

“Oh, Hermann Gottlieb,” he gushes, giggling as Hermann grumbles into his mouth. “What a hunk. What a babe. What a heartthrob. Did you see Hermann Gottlieb on the cover of Teen Beat magazine? God, the things I’d do to him.”

“I’ll end you, Geiszler,” Hermann growls as Newton kisses his way down Hermann’s throat.

“I’d like to see you try,” Newt counters, nipping lightly at the edge of Hermann’s jaw. Hermann shivers against him and grips the back of his neck tightly, spending the rest of the ride home wondering how exactly he’s going to go about doing just that later on that night.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff fluff fluffity floofy fluffy fluff fluff fluff fluff
> 
> i hope it's not too apparent that i have absolutely no fucking idea how to bake a cake/cook in any way shape or form

When Hermann enters his office, he cringes at the sight of Vanessa already there before him. He walks quietly to his desk and tries to cause not too much of a fuss, to no avail.

Vanessa leans over her desk at him and grins like a shark. “You’re _late_.”

“So I am,” he replies casually. “Won’t happen again.”

“You’re _never_ late.”

“And as I said, it was an err on my part. I’m sure you’ll forgive me given the fact that you’ve never been less than five minutes late every day.”

“Hey, I was three minutes late today. And don’t try to change the subject.” She tilts her head and squints at him. “There’s something _different_ about today.”

“Haven’t you got work you should be doing?” he says, and looks up to glare at her sharply, which is his one fatal mistake. She looks into his eyes and gasps, smiling wide like a proud mother.

“Oh, _Hermann_ ,” she cries, clutching her hands to her chests. “You had _sex_.”

His eyes go wide and he flails his arms at her. “Would you keep your bloody voice down?”

“A lot. You had a _lot_ of sex. Oh my _god_.”

“Brilliant. Now the entire science department knows.”

“You little minx, you. Stop acting so English. I know you. Even you would want to scream it from the rooftops you’re finally screwing someone worth your time.” She laughs a little. “How funny is it that the only person good enough for Hermann Gottlieb is a fucking rock star?”

“Hilarious,” he deadpans.

“Tell me everything. What’s he like in bed? God, I’ve been waiting so long for this.”

“Is your life truly that sad?”

“Yeah, still no girlfriend. So you’ll have to entertain me instead.” She bats her long eyelashes at him. “What happened?”

“You have to know I’m not giving you the details of my sex life.”

“ _Humor_ me at least, for god’s sakes. Jesus, Hermann, I’ve known you for over four years now, I have earned the perks of hearing about the nasty between you and your famous boyfriend.”

He sighs and hangs his head in defeat, fully aware of the fact that she’s going to wear him down sooner or later. “Alright. Fine. But this never leaves this office, do you hear me?”

“Loud and clear.” She crosses her hand over her heart.

“He came over to my place,” he starts quietly, “last week. Friday. The day he came back from L.A. We’d only kissed twice before, so it was a bit awkward at first, but it was—good. I don’t know. It was very good, actually. I don’t like this, Vanessa.”

“You’re doing so well, Hermann, please, please, please give me more blackmail material.”

“So he…I don’t know. We had. Sex. I guess. It didn’t last very long, because we hadn’t done anything for almost a month and a half.”

“What? Blow job? Hand job? Rim job? Anal?”

“Jesus _Christ_.”

“Fine, fine. God, it’s like talking to the Queen. Go on.”

“We had…sex. And I invited him to stay at my place instead of his hotel. And then we had sex again the next morning. And that night. And the morning after that. And also this morning.” He blushes and bites back a smile. “Twice.”

“Good God, it’s as if your libido has come out of a bloody _cage_ ,” Vanessa laughs gleefully. “This is brilliant, absolutely fucking brilliant.”

“If I hear so much as a word about this outside of this office—”

“Oh, hush, Hermann, your secret is safe with me. I’ll never let your students know the startling truth that the Tin Man actually had a heart all along.”

“Your wit astounds,” he snaps. “Get to work. We have papers to grade.”

“Of course, Hermie-poo,” Vanessa quips, her voice only getting the slightest bit screechy at the end. He looks up to glare at her but she’s so invested in her work there’s nothing to accuse her of. Vanessa smiles to herself in triumph and does her best to conceal the small smiles she has the urge to flash at him throughout the day.

…

When Hermann opens the door to his apartment that night, Newt races out looking like a housewife in a very I Love Lucy-esque sitcom. His hair is disheveled in the most infuriatingly picturesque way and there’s flour and traces of sugar smeared on his face and on his apron because of course he packed a bloody apron for his trip to New York. He smiles apologetically at Hermann and bites his lip nervously.

“Oh, shit, Hermann, you’re home…early? No, you’re not, I just haven’t looked at the clock in, like, six hours, cool. Um, so, don’t be mad, but your place is kind of a mess. And it may or may not have been my fault.”

“What did you do?” Hermann says, too tired to muster any actual anger.

“Baked a cake?” Newt replies carefully. “I mean, technically. Not even technically, more like theoretically.”

“My kitchen is covered in flour.”

“Yeah, I sort of forgot you don’t have a maid. That’s a new thing for me.”

“Newton…”

“No, dude, just listen, listen, listen,” Newt says hurriedly and stops himself from grabbing Hermann and getting him dirty which would only serve to hurt his cause. “Okay, so, I was getting really bored just sitting around here freeloading all the time and felt kinda bad that you were being such a nice guy and I was just lounging around demanding takeout and sex all the time, so I decided to make an apology cake! I remember you saying you liked chocolate so I sucked it up and borrowed some of your ill-fitting grandpa clothes and some big sunglasses and an embarrassing hat and went to the supermarket and got eggs and flour and—you know, cake stuff, you don’t need a grocery list. And then I kind of messed up on the measurements and dropped a fuckload of flour at some point and may have gotten a little frustrated so there might be an exploded egg in your microwave, sorry about that. And I’m really really really super-dee-duper sorry that I got your nice kitchen all gross and Newt-y but I swear to Hendrix and Metallica that I’ll spend all tonight and tomorrow making this place _sparkling_ , no joke, I’ll get down on my hands and knees and—”

Hermann cuts him off by dragging him into a kiss, stained apron be damned. Newt makes a surprised noise into his mouth before threading his fingers through Hermann’s hair and humming contently as he kissed him back thoroughly.

When he draws back Hermann says breathlessly, “You went to the supermarket for me?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t—too bad, it was just a couple, uh, blocks away and no one recognized me or anything, so, you know,” Newt stammers back.

“Newton,” Hermann says, cupping Newt’s face. “That’s amazing. Thank you. I’m so proud of you.”

Newt blushes and looks downward, embarrassed. “It’s nothing, honestly.”

“It’s everything.” Hermann leans in and kisses him again. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Newt says quietly, looking at him gratefully. At that moment the oven beeps, and Newt jumps a little before running to the kitchen. “Fuck, it’s ready! Oh, shit, Hermann, that smells so good, even you can’t be mad at me for this one, this is gonna be fucking awesome.”

Hermann follows after him with a smile. Newt takes the cake out of the oven carefully and places it on the counter proudly.

“Look at that,” he beams. “That’s gorgeous. That’s some great handiwork right there.”

“It looks very good,” Hermann says, cornering Newt against the counter and turning him around to face him.

“Mm,” Newt responds, his eyes flickering down to Hermann’s mouth. “How fucking weird is it that we didn’t have sex for, like, a month after we kissed and now we can’t keep our hands off each other.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Hermann says, leaning his cane against the cabinets and placing his hands on Newt’s hips. He rubs slow circles with his thumbs on his hipbones, which he knows sends a shiver up Newt’s spine. He leans in close and says softly with their lips inches apart, “I’m perfectly capable of controlling myself.”

“That’s good,” Newt smiles and plays with the collar of Hermann’s shirt, “because I’m not.” He pulls him by his lapels down to kiss him again, thrusting his hips up so they meet. Hermann moans against Newt’s tongue and whines as Newt grinds their crotches together.

After a few moments of blissful kissing, Newt pulls back and breathes heavily. He glances down at the counter and says, “We still have to ice the cake.”

“Screw the cake,” Hermann says and leans down only to have Newt turn his head. He sighs and slumps against him.

“I went to the supermarket for this,” Newt says quietly.

“You did,” Hermann smiles and kisses Newt’s temple before stepping back and standing tall, smoothing out his shirt. “Let’s ice the cake.”

“You’re gonna love this,” Newt babbles as he spreads the icing haphazardly with a knife, his mood immediately perking up. “I didn’t have time to, like, make icing from scratch, so I just got the canned stuff, but it’s, like, the buttercream kind. I splurged, sue me. My dad and uncle and I used to make cakes all the time when I was little and found out pretty early sports weren’t my particular gig. It’s just basic chemistry, is all, and it’s super interesting; the dynamics behind it, I mean. This is gonna be so good, Hermann, I swear. You’re gonna love this.” He giggles and turns to swipe some icing across Hermann’s nose. Hermann glares down at him and grits his teeth to hide the smile that bubbles beneath the surface when Newt stands up on his tip-toes and licks his off, nipping at the tip of his nose playfully.

“It looks very good,” Hermann says as he patiently spreads icing over the surface.

“Thanks for being so good with me,” Newt says softly after a few moments of silence. “With my whole…you know. Thing.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“It’s just, like, other people haven’t—they haven’t been so…the way that you—”

“Newton,” Hermann says, taking Newt’s hand and turning him to face him so they can look each other in the eyes. “I am treating you the way any proper human being should be treated. If anything, I am not treating you well enough. Never thank me for simple human decency.”

Newt stares up at him in awe for a few seconds before wrapping an arm around Hermann’s neck and swallowing his sounds of surprise with a soft kiss. He smiles against Hermann’s lips and whispers throatily, “God, we are going to have so much fun with this icing tonight.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am SO SO SO sorry for totally ignoring this fic for, like, what, one month??? two months??????? like wtf is wrong with me...i've just been so busy/lazy which is literally no excuse but i'm sorry omg...here have some messily written porn as an apology, i'm gonna try and get my life/this fic on track, i swear to god

“Hermann?”

“Hm?” Hermann hums, not looking up from his desk.

 “You have a visitor.”

“Tell them the schedule exists for a reason. My office hours have already passed.”

Vanessa leans over his desk and splays a hand over his work, forcing him to look up at her. She grins widely. “No, Hermann. You have a _visitor_.” She steps aside to reveal Newt, smiling at him meekly and holding up a few fingers in a wave. He’s wearing his beanie and is holding sunglasses in his hand.

“Hey, Herms.”

“Oh, for Christ’s sakes,” Hermann groans. He stabs his cane into the ground and walks around his desk to stand before Newt. Vanessa smiles at them and slinks out of the office discreetly.

“What, not happy to see me?”

“Really, Newton? While I’m at work?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t love the fact I’m here.” Newt wraps his arms around Hermann’s waist and pulls him closer.

“I share this office with Vanessa,” Hermann says as he glances at the door.

“I know,” Newt smiles. “And I gave her a rough demo of my new album as incentive to give us some time alone.”

“That seems less than rational.”

“Eh. I trust her. Plus, if she drops the album prematurely, it just means more hype for me. Who cares?”

“I’m sure your bandmates would see it the same way.”

“Hermann. I’m supposed to be scheduling tour dates with my agent right now. Do you wanna scold me for making outlandishly romantic gestures for you or do you wanna make out with me on your desk?”

Hermann sighs to hide his blush and returns to sit at his desk. “I’m not going to let you distract me from my work, Newton.”

Newt pouts exaggeratedly at him. “What, not even a little?”

“I’m busy.”

Newt crosses the desk and leans on the edge of it. “But Mr. Gottlieb, I need to talk to you about my grades.”

“No. We are not doing this.”

“I just don’t understand how I could have gotten a C. I work so hard.” Newt grins at him goofily and unbuttons the top button of his shirt, loosening his tie. “Isn’t there _anything_ I can do?”

“You’re sick.”

“Come on, dude. Don’t deprive me of this. I’ve had the most heinous professor kink since I was, like, fourteen.” Newt hops up onto the desk, swinging his legs back and forth to kick at Hermann playfully. “Now that I have a hot prof boyfriend I have to at least exploit _some_ of that action.”

Hermann wheels his chair closer and places his hand lightly on Newt’s knee. Newt shivers violently at the faint touch. “Boyfriend?”

Newt’s cheeks go red. “Well, I mean, uh. Yeah. I guess. If that’s cool with you. I mean, it’s not as if I was planning on seeing anyone else.”

“It’s a stupid term.” Hermann runs his thumb idly across the inside of Newt’s thigh.

“Do you prefer ‘personal sex slave’?”

“That’s not funny,” Hermann says, but he leans up to pull Newt forward into a harsh kiss.

“It’s kinda funny,” Newt counters breathlessly into Hermann’s mouth.

“If you don’t shut up, I’m going to get you hard and then make you walk home with a full-on erection.” Hermann says, palming Newt’s crotch tauntingly. Newt hisses in response and jerks against the touch.

“Fuck,” he gasps. “D-don’t.”

“What was that, Newton?”

“Please…please don’t do that.”

“So polite,” Hermann smirks. He rubs his thumb over the tip where a small wet patch is starting to form. “But all the ‘please’s and ‘thank you’s in the world won’t earn you an A in my class, Mr. Geiszler.”

“Oh, shit. Are we actually doing this?”

“Shut up.”

“Right, right. Sorry.” He closes his eyes and leans into the touch. “Fuck, Hermann, Jesus.”

Hermann tightens his grip and grits his teeth menacingly. “ _Dr. Gottlieb_.”

Newt’s cock jumps in Hermann’s hand. “S-sorry, holy shit, sorry, Herm—Dr. Gottlieb, please, please, I’m so sorry, please don’t stop, please don’t.”

“How much time did you tell Vanessa to give us?”

“An hour.”

“Oh, dear, presumptuous, are we?” Hermann grins and stands up shakily, his own erection making any attempt at mobility a challenge. He moves in closer to press his mouth against Newt’s ear. “I doubt you’ll need more than five minutes.”

Newt nods jerkily in response.

Hermann uses his other hand to grip the back of Newt’s head tightly, pulling his hair back firmly. “Use your words, Mr. Geiszler.”

“Y-yes, Dr. Gottlieb, you’re—you’re right.”

“I thought so,” he murmurs, massaging Newt’s crotch gently. “That is assuming that I play nice. I don’t think you deserve nice, do you, Newton?”

“No, no, sir, no, I don’t.”

Hermann smiles at the use of such an authoritative address. “Showing up at my office when my office hours aren’t open,” he tsks disapprovingly. “Such a naughty boy, quite unbecoming of such a pretty face.”

Newt digs his teeth into his lower lip desperately. “Please, Dr. Gottlieb.”

“If only we had longer,” Hermann says as he palms him. “I love to see you beg and plead. It’s such a beautiful sight. I want to draw this out. I want to see how far you’d really go. Such a shame.” He presses his lips hot against Newt’s neck. “Guess I’ll just have to send you home with your nice trousers ruined.”

Newt pants against his ear, thrusting up against Hermann’s hand. He wraps his arms around Hermann’s neck and pulls him close. Hermann sucks at the flesh of his neck ruthlessly, smiling around the lovely bruise that forms there.

“Shit,” Newt laughs breathlessly, “You do this will all the kids, Doc?”

“Hush,” Hermann growls, applying a different sort of pressure that makes Newt go silent and shiver against him.

“Oh, fuck,” Newt cries. The words seem to tumble out of his mouth. “Oh, fuck, Hermann, I’m gonna fucking—I’m gonna come if you don’t…”

Hermann responds by digging his teeth further into the sensitive part of his throat. Newt moans in his ear, panting and gasping and shuddering through his orgasm. Hermann wraps his arm around Newt’s waist and pulls him close, breaking character to kiss his neck tenderly and nose his way up to brush against his cheeks. Newt cries out and pulls at Hermann desperately, molding his mouth into an awkward kiss through his groans. Hermann smiles against his lips and pulls him close, rutting against him with shaking legs.

As Newt comes down he shoves a sweaty palm through his hair and gasps for breath. He smiles and sighs into Hermann’s mouth. “How come you’re so good at making me come in my pants, dude?”

Hermann just laughs breathily and shakes his head. Newt opens his eyes and hops off the desk with alarm, pushing Hermann onto his chair.

“Shit, dude, sit down. Here.” He climbs onto the chair and moves his legs to the sides of Hermann’s hips to straddle him carefully. He unzips Hermann’s fly in one fluid motion and pulls his cock out to take him in hand. The motions and the angle are awkward but Hermann is already too far gone to care. Only a few pumps later he’s shaking and gasping, grabbing Newt tight and twisting the fabric of his shirt in his fingers. Newt smiles down at him and kisses him softly, pulling his tie off to mop up the mess.

“You’re so pretty when you come, you know that, Herms?” Newt says quietly into his ear.

Hermann grumbles against him. “You made a mess.”

“ _You_ made a mess, too, dickhead,” Newt laughs. He hops off the chair and tosses the soiled tie in the bin by Hermann’s desk. “That one’s ruined. No big deal. I’ll just have Calvin Klein ship over a new one next month.”

“Newton--!”

“I’m kidding, holy shit! It’s one of those knockoff ones from Walmart, dude, Jesus. As if I didn’t come prepared for this.” He winks down at Hermann and leans down to kiss him.

Hermann grips the collar of his shirt before he can straighten up and growls with a smirk, “You can act blasé all you want, Geiszler.” Hermann bares his teeth and Newt licks his lips and swallows. “I’m never going to let you forget that you called me your ‘boyfriend’ first.”

“Oh, god, please don’t.” Newt wraps his hands around Hermann’s neck and pulls him into a harsh kiss. He attacks his mouth like it’s his job and when he pulls away he drags Hermann’s bottom lip between his teeth and smiles at the involuntary groan it produces from him. He winks again. “I’m not gonna forget _that_ , either.”

Hermann glares at him and opens his mouth to say something far dirtier, but just at that moment there’s a knock on the door and Vanessa peeks her head in. She has her hands over her eyes and a devilish grin on her face. “Please tell me that there’s no life-scarring content going on anymore.”

“Nope. All done. In record time, too.” Newt laughs when Hermann smacks his arm for that. “I gotta get going. My manager has an office in New York I was supposed to be at, like, three hours ago. Hope you liked the CD, V.”

“It was brilliant,” she says hurriedly. “Very good. Very, very good. Er, congratulations.”

Newt smiles and makes a gun with his index finger and thumb. “Thanks, man. That means a lot.” He turns around and bats his eyelashes at Hermann. “Take-out tonight?”

“If you must.”

“That means Vietnamese,” he grins at Vanessa like a lovesick puppy and dons his hat and sunglasses. “I’ll catch you guys later. Have fun making nerds cry.”

Once the door is firmly shut Vanessa squeals and jumps up and down. “Are you going to tell me what happened, or am I going to have to get him to?”

“It is unprofessional to have sex in the office,” Hermann states blankly, never looking up from his laptop screen.

“You are _so_ lucky they didn’t install security cameras. That would be all over the internet in an instant.”

“A friendly conversation between two men? It would spread like wildfire, I’m sure.”

“Mm-hm, and do all the rooms you have ‘friendly conversations’ with smell like come afterward?”

Hermann smiles to himself. “Some of them do.”

Vanessa slumps in her chair and pouts at him. “You’re seriously not going to give me _any_ details? None at all.”

“I suppose you’ll just have to allow your imagination to run wild.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so grateful/thankful for everyone who reads this!!! you are all such sweethearts, u deserve so much more than sporadic shittily-written updates, im so sorry, omg, i promise i'll get into some real story soon, ive just had the worst writers block when it comes to this story, i've never been really good at following through on drawn-out stuff...  
> also, i know hermann's birthday is in june, but for story's sake i guess let's just forget all logic and continuity and just pretend it's sometime in the middle of august/winter bc im a huge asshole who is bad at writing lmao

“Tell me more about him.”

“Mako, I’ve told you everything there is to tell,” Newt smiles into the phone. He sits cross-legged on Hermann’s bed with the sheets twisted around his feet and his cell phone pressed to his ear. Hermann has classes to both teach and attend all day, which means no naughty calls or surprise drop-ins for Newt, as Hermann had made very clear to him this morning. He’s found that on days that Hermann’s not around New York is basically useless. An empty cavern of a city that misses the charm of a specific prissy English accent and big brown eyes that crinkle at the sides when a certain someone laughs. “What do you want, his dick size in inches? Because I actually haven’t done the measurements yet, truth be told.”

“Newton,” Mako scolds, but he can sense the jocularity in the sentiment. “You shouldn’t speak of your special friend that way.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. We can stop using those bogus endearments to refer to him as. He’s officially my boyfriend now. I asked and he said yes, believe it or not.”

Mako squeals so loudly Newt has to pull the phone away from his face. “I am so happy for you! My little rock star has finally found love. With an Englishman, of all people.”

“Here’s hoping he fucks some maturity into you,” Chuck’s voice rings, and Newt can hear Mako smacking him and shoving him away in the background.

“Tell us how it happened, Newton!” Mako says sweetly. “Was it entirely romantic?”

Newt pictures Mako with her rosy red cheeks and wide, innocent eyes and then recalls sitting on Hermann’s desk with his hand between his legs and his lips on Newt’s ears whispering the filthiest things imaginable. He blushes and stammers, “Uh, yeah, it was, you know. It was really something.”

Mako scoffs and Chuck snickers.

“Oi, there it is. What I’ve been waiting for. Get it, Newtie!”

“Can someone please do me a favor and put a muzzle on Chuck?” Newt growls.

“We’re having one sized,” Mako stage whispers.

“I’m getting real sick of this whole ironic ‘we’re the nerds but for some reason the jock is the outcast’ thing,” Chuck snarls. “Even my assistant is a huge dork. How did that happen? I asked him if he lifts in the interview and everything, but for some reason he still spends less time spotting me and more time talking about some goddamn bullshit with Mako.”

“Oh, yeah, Chuck,” Newt rolls his eyes. “I’m sure you hate your assistant. Sure he’s a real pain in your ass.”

“Is that some sort of sex joke, Newt?” Chuck accuses. “What, now you got a boyfriend you think you’re the sex god around here? Let’s get one thing straight, buddy, _I_ am the sex god around here.”

“Christ’s sakes, Chuck!” Tendo yells in the background. “Yell sex god one more fucking time, why don’t you? We’re gonna get the goddamn cops called on us again. Your assistant over here looks like he’s going to burst!”

“I—I don’t!” Raleigh shrieks.

“He does,” Mako whispers into the receiver.

“Jesus Christ,” Newt laughs affectionately. “You guys really fall apart when I’m not around, don’t you?”

“No,” Chuck says indignantly. After a second, he admits, “We fall apart when Sasha’s not around.”

“Headache,” Mako explains. “She had to go home early. Tendo’s trying to talk contracts with us. It isn’t working.”

“I bet.” Newt fiddles with the bed sheets nervously. “Listen, Mako, could you pass the phone over to Tendo?”

“One moment.”

There’s some static and fumbling but finally Tendo’s smooth voice slides over the phone line. “Newt, baby. How’s married life treating you?”

“It’s weirdly awesome. I kind of love it, actually.” Newt smiles dreamily. “Listen, do you have those contracts I was talking with you about before?”

“Yeah, I can send them over to you. Are you sure you wanna go through with something like that, though, buddy? Kind of a big step.”

“I’m sure.”

“Okay, well, I’ll have Raleigh email that right over to you soon as it’s ready. Don’t feel pressured by the contracts, though, there’s plenty of time to back out.”

“Thanks, Tendo.”

“No problem. Now, look, much as I love listening to your beautiful voice, I really have to get the children to buckle down and fucking sign some of this shit. Talk to you later?”

“Yeah, totally. Talk to you later, man.”

“Stay golden, kaiju boy.”

…

When Hermann gets home Newt kisses him softly at the door and takes his messenger bag and jacket. He’s already set the table and laid out the food (mac and cheese, made of his own accord, thank you very much). Hermann raises an eyebrow and Newt shrugs.

“I’ve been getting a lot of whipped housewife comments lately. Might as well embrace it.”

They eat quietly after Newt makes Hermann congratulate him on Googling which was the correct side for the fork to go on. A few silent minutes pass by and Newt can’t hold it in anymore.

“Your birthday’s coming up,” he says nonchalantly, pretending to skim an article on the New Yorker website as he says it.

Hermann drops his fork and scowls at him. “Who in the _bloody_ hell told you?”

Newt grins up at him with unbridled joy. “I have my sources, Hermie. You know that.”

“You can’t talk about my birthday and call me that. That’s too much terrible in one conversation.”

“Who _doesn’t like_ their birthday? You are such a freak.”

Hermann rolls his eyes.

“So? What are we gonna do? Big birthday bash? Oh, shit, what are the odds of you forgetting this conversation so I can throw a surprise party?”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Fine, fine. God, you are such a baby. Just tell me who to invite so I can embarrass you in front of all your friends. Maybe I’ll even serenade you.”

Hermann blushes slightly and shifts in his seat. “I don’t really…have. Many friends.”

Newt gapes at him. “Hermann. Oh my god. That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I’m not a—a _recluse_ , obviously, I have Vanessa, for God’s sakes. It’s just—I haven’t exactly had a lot of time to make friends since school started.”

“Well,” Newt smiles at him. “Now you have me. And my friends. Now you’re the hottest dude in school. You can have Kaiju Blue as your posse. Along with your really chic lesbian model. And if any of the bullies ever get on your back, Hermie-poo, you just tell me, and I’ll sing to them and then let them kick my ass for you.”

“Would you shut up, you inconceivable fool?”

“You love it.”

“Less and less as the days go by,” Hermann scoffs.

“At least let me take you out to dinner or something lame and grown-up like that. You like lame grown-up shit, right?”

“I’m not sure if anything could be considered ‘grown-up’ with you headlining it.”

“Come on, dude. I’m serious. I’ll wear a suit and everything. I’ll do my tie right. The works. I promise. Just let me do something for your birthday, alright?”

Hermann glares down at him. “If you insist.”

“And then,” Newt grins at him lopsidedly. “We can come back here for dessert.”

Hermann sighs and rolls his eyes. “You are impossible.”

“You get what you pay for, Hermie-kins,” Newt smiles and winks at him. Hermann stabs the mac and cheese with a fork and chews it aggressively. Newt pretends it’s not the most juvenile and adorable thing he’s ever seen in his goddamn life.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> take my stupid plotless porn as an apology for having literally no motivation or self-discipline when it comes to writing

Hermann sits at his desk and taps his pen on his desk with growing agitation. He stares at his phone obsessively. He’d texted Newt nearly half an hour ago; it never takes him more than five minutes to return a text, even when he’s in a meeting. It’s always been an alarming prerogative of his, one that Hermann has even yelled at him for because as sweet as the notion is, cutting someone off midsentence to reply to one of Hermann’s texts is more than a little rude and conflicts with his English upbringing. Newt had always just rolled his eyes and shrugged off the argument and proceeded to distract Hermann with something a bit more pressing.

That being said, as much as Hermann would love for Newt to have a sudden surge of respect and human decency, he knows that the chances of that being the case are slim to none.

“Hermann,” Vanessa says from her desk. Her voice sounds much more alarmed than usual and her eyes are wide as she gazes at her computer screen.

“What is it?” Hermann says, feigning disinterest. “I’m busy.”

“Herms,” Vanessa says, and turns her laptop so Hermann can see. “Newt got mobbed.”

Hermann looks at the headline on the computer followed by a blurry photograph of a panicked-looking Newt for just a second before leaping up from his desk and grappling with his cane. “I have to go.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Vanessa says hurriedly, jumping to her feet and rushing over to him to help him with his coat. “I’ll cover your lecture, go do whatever you gotta do. Give Newt my best.”

“Thank you,” Hermann says, pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek before limping out the door. Vanessa calls something out to him but he can’t hear it over the rush of blood in his ears.

…

He forgets to take a cab like he probably should and the subway is crowded, too crowded. His face goes bright red when someone offers him their seat. He sits and stews and he should be used to it by now but he’s not, he’s so weak, his heart hurts in his chest and his vision is blurring at the sides.

He doesn’t remember how he gets to his apartment but it doesn’t matter, he’s there, he’s jamming the button on the shitty elevator that creaks when it gets to the third floor and fumbling with his keys outside his door. When he pushes the door open he’s flooded in darkness. All the blinds are shut and he can barely see a thing. He gets around only by memory. For a moment his heart sinks in his chest and he’s sure that Newton’s not here and he inwardly curses himself for not even thinking to check before dashing home and assuming he would just naturally end up here.

Relief washes over him like a wave when he hears a weak croak from behind his couch.

“Hermann?”

“Newton,” Hermann sighs and flicks on the light switch. Newt sits hunched in a corner, his legs drawn tightly to his chest and his forehead pressed to his knees.

He hisses and throws his forearms over his eyes. “Please, Hermann, I can’t deal with light right now.”

“Sorry, sorry.” He shuts the lights off and closes the door carefully before stumbling over to Newt. He crouches down and winces at the pain that builds in his hip. Hermann reaches out and touches Newt’s cheek delicately. “I saw what happened online.”

“Fuck,” Newt huffs out in what sounds like a humorless laugh. “The tabloids got hold of it already, fucking amazing. What are they saying?”

“I, ah,” Hermann stammers. “I didn’t really have time to read it.”

“You must think I’m a fucking asshole,” Newt says, his voice muffled by his forearms. “I don’t blame you; I can’t believe I freaked out like that. I am an asshole.”

“Newton,” Hermann says firmly. He lifts Newt’s chin and looks as much into his eyes as he can with the minimal light surrounding them. “You have an anxiety problem. You were presented with an anxiety-inducing situation. You acted the only way your brain could process. Humans weren’t meant to be surrounded by flashing lights and screaming fans, it’s just unnatural. I’m sorry that that happened to you today.”

Newt chews on the inside of his cheek. Hermann ignores the way his chin starts to wobble. “I didn’t—I was just—I thought I’d be okay.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“I went…out. I got kind of, I don’t know. Cocky, I guess. Other than those two girls, no one’s spotted me once every time I’ve gone out. So I went out to the shops to get you a, uh, a birthday gift.”

“Newton,” Hermann croons, pained. “I told you not to do anything like that.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Newt’s voice starts to shake. “It was stupid of me, but I wanted to, like, thank you. For being so nice to me, and letting me stay here, and not kicking my lame ass to the curb.”

“You’re always welcome here. You don’t need to buy my affection.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Keep going.”

“Right. So I was—I was at Barney’s, and one of the people who worked there must have recognized me and called someone, because the next thing I know I’m being surrounded by a bunch of people asking for autographs. Then there are cameras, reporters, people are yelling at me, screaming shit at me, asking me questions no one needs to know, you know? They were just all shouting at me, and I walked out but they started following me, and my head got all fuzzy and my heart felt like it was going to explode and I couldn’t breathe. I’ve gotten them before—anxiety attacks—but never in public, and for some reason that made it ten times worse. My driver was just a block away and saw me and rushed over to help me in the car, thank god, but I couldn’t calm down for a ridiculous amount of time. And they got so many pictures, Hermann, fuck, and now they’re online, I’m going to look like such a freak, this is going to be news, I’m going to be a fucking headline—now they _know_ I’m in New York, now they know where I am and now they’re going to be looking at me everywhere I go, I can’t fucking do this, Hermann—”

His sentences get more and more clipped and his breathing starts to get unsteady. Hermann grips his arms tightly and lifts him to stand up. He forces his chin up and looks him directly in the eyes, speaking calmly and forcefully.

“Newton. Newton, listen to me. You’re alright. You’re fine. Everything is going to be okay. I’m right here, alright? I’m always right here. Just breathe, in and out. You’re going to be alright. Please breathe for me.”

Newt nods shakily and closes his eyes, drawing in slow breaths and exhaling them tentatively.

“Are you okay?” Hermann asks carefully.

“I’m fine,” Newt swallows thickly, blinking away tears. “Thanks.”

“Shush,” Hermann says quietly, pulling him in close and kissing him cautiously. Newt clings to him and kisses back a bit fiercer. Hermann lays a firm hand on his cheek, slowing his pace and leading him in a slower direction. He kisses him softly, moving his lips over his cheek, his jaw, down to his neck.

Newt hums appreciatively and tangles his fingers in Hermann’s hair. In a moment of alarm he shoves Hermann back onto the couch and climbs on top of him before he can protest.

“Your leg,” Newt explains, positioning himself so he doesn’t put too much weight on top of him. Hermann just holds him tighter and goes back to kissing the sensitive parts of his neck.

“You’re so nice to me,” Newt whispers. “Way too nice to me.”

“I am as good to you as you deserve, Newton,” Hermann says back.

“I like you,” Newt huffs, “way too much for my own good.”

“Debatable,” Hermann remarks, trailing his fingers under Newt’s tee shirt and kissing his collarbone.

“I want you to fuck me,” Newt says, out of breath.

Hermann stops and pulls his head back. “Are you—we’ve never…I, I mean…”

“I’ve wanted to for a while,” Newt says. He grasps Hermann’s face in his hands and kisses him slowly, grinding their hips together tantalizingly. Hermann’s eyes flutter shut as he moans into Newt’s mouth. “But I didn’t wanna push you.”

“No,” Hermann insists. He pulls Newt closer and kisses him back. “I want to. If you want to, that is.”

“I really, really want to, dude,” Newt says quickly. His hands shake with anticipation as he fumbles with the buttons of Hermann’s shirt.

“I don’t want you to regret this,” Hermann says tentatively. “I don’t want this to be because of what happened today.”

“It’s not. It’s not, it’s not, it’s not, Hermann, I promise, I swear. I just wanna be closer to you.”

Hermann lets his eyes fall closed and Newt brushes their noses together adoringly. “I understand.”

Newt kisses him again quickly before climbing off his lap and pulling Hermann off the couch. “Bed. Now. More room.”

“You give no sign of your potential genius in moments of arousal, Newton,” Hermann muses.

“What, you gonna quiz me while I’m seducing you, Gottlieb?” Newt rolls his eyes as he tugs Hermann onto the mattress. “We did that particular fantasy already, let me remind you.”

“No harm rehashing old flames.”

Newt settles them so Hermann is lying flat on his back and Newt is perched over him. His knees brace the sides of Hermann’s hips gently and he bites his lip hard when their crotches brush against each other. He makes hasty work of the buttons on Hermann’s shirt, leaning down and pressing kisses to his lips to stifle Hermann’s insistence on making needlessly clever remarks.

“I wanna ride you, is that okay?” Newt asks into his mouth. Hermann’s only response is a resonating groan and his hands flying up to grasp Newt’s hips tightly. Newt grins. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

He leans back to shed them both of their respective shirts and starts to peel his skinny jeans off. Hermann goes to work at his own trousers, having an easier time with his ill-fitting choice of pants.

“We need to go clothes shopping for you,” Newt says through his teeth as he takes a condom package out from his back pocket and shoves it into his mouth while he wrestles with his jeans. “Maybe get you something actually in your size, god forbid.”

“Ha, ha,” Hermann sneers. “I do own a pair of _jeans_ , Newton. You haven’t seen the entirety of my wardrobe, thank you very much.”

Newt’s eyes widen and he pauses with his pants halfway off. “Please tell me you’re not joking.”

Hermann smirks and drags him closer. Newt kicks off his jeans and presses desperate kisses over Hermann’s jaw and neck. He whispers throatily against Hermann’s skin, “I demand to see those later.”

“In due time, darling,” Hermann whispers back as his eyes fall shut.

Newt’s stomach jumps at the pet name but he doesn’t have a moment to waste dissecting that particular oddity. He stretches over Hermann and digs through his backpack and grins triumphantly when he wrenches a bottle of lube from the mess.

“Do you honestly keep lube and a condom on you at all times?”

“Only when we’re together, babe,” Newt winks and tears the condom rapper off with his teeth.

“Incorrigible,” Hermann scowls.

“You love it,” Newt grins. He licks his lips and fiddles with the bottle in his hands nervously before pressing it gently against Hermann’s chest. “Could you…?”

Hermann smiles and leans up on his elbows to drag Newt down into a kiss. He takes the lube from his hand and spreads it generously over his fingers. When Newt feels the first finger inside of him he gasps into Hermann’s mouth and scrambles to get a tighter grip on the sheets. He digs his fingers into Hermann’s shoulder and moves his ass back to rock against Hermann’s hand. Hermann smiles against his lips and kisses him sweetly.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,” Newt stammers. “Fuck—I—fuck, okay, wow, okay…fuck, I’m so sorry, Herms, I haven’t done this with, with someone else in—wow—in, like, ages, shit—I’m gonna, fuck, I’m gonna need some time to adjust.”

“Take your time,” Hermann says back calmly as he inserts another finger. Newt’s breath hitches in his throat. He shuts his eyes tight and chokes back a sob.

“I forgot how—how good this feels with someone else, fuck me,” Newt laughs shakily. He grits his teeth together. “Christ.”

“You’ve done this a lot on your own?”

“Some—sometimes, when, ah, when everything’s too much, when I feel like I can’t get enough…god, your fingers are gorgeous, so good, fuck, I can never reach the right angles on my own…”

Hermann hums and kisses his neck and clavicle, conceding to the fact that it doesn’t seem as if Newt will be shutting his mouth any time soon.

“I was doing this…when I called you,” Newt grins, his neck stretched back in a display of pure ecstasy.

“Were you?” Hermann laughs against his skin. He feels his face flush slightly. “I’d forgotten about that.”

“You forgot? About my super hot phone sex ambush? Shit, Herm, we can’t have that.”

“I suppose we can’t.” Hermann grates his teeth against Newt’s neck. Newt shivers at the harsh touch.

“Fuck,” Newt huffs. Hermann pushes in a third finger and crooks it at just the right angle. Newt jerks forward and shouts. Hermann seals his mouth hurriedly over Newt’s to quiet him.

“These walls are paper fucking thin, you utter fool,” Hermann growls.

“Do that again,” Newt moans incoherently. “Fuck, please, Hermann, Jesus…"

“Do try to have even the slightest amount of self-respect,” Hermann sighs, “Would you like to alert the whole city?”

“Hell yeah,” Newt babbles as he grinds down on Hermann’s fingers. “Put me up on a big screen, baby, take me out on a nation-wide circuit, get this show on the road, sweetheart, holy fuck—I’d scream it from the rooftops if it meant you’d do that shit one more time, Herms.”

“You’ve lost your bloody mind and all there is inside of you is three fingers,” Hermann grumbles.

Newt winds his arms around Hermann’s neck and kisses him obsessively. “C’mon, more, more, no kidding, I’m ready, alright?”

Hermann kisses him back and extracts his fingers slowly. Newt takes a second to groan at the loss before pushing back and makes a mad dash for the condom. He rolls it onto Hermann’s dick without warning and Hermann’s eyelids flutter. He watches hungrily behind his eyelashes as Newt’s hands shake desperately and slick him with lube. Hermann inhales sharply and forces himself to breathe deeply or suffer the same embarrassingly loud proclamations Newt had already become victim to.

“You good?” Newt asks nervously.

Hermann licks his lips and nods. Newt leans in and kisses him as he pushes him gently onto his back. He grits his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut before lowering himself cautiously onto Hermann’s cock, emitting small gasps and whimpers as he sinks down. After a good amount of fidgeting and moaning he finally lowers himself all the way. They both freeze in their positions, sure that if they make any sudden movements this will all be over in a matter of seconds.

“I’m—I’m not…I’m not gonna last very long, I’m so sorry, I thought I could—”

“Newton,” Hermann says. “Please move. You have to move.”

Newt nods jerkily and takes a deep breath before grinding slowly against him. Hermann gasps and arches his neck back. He feels as if all the air has escaped from his lungs.

“So—fuck, so good, you feel so good, I’m—God, fuck,” Newt murmurs. He picks up speed and opens his mouth wide. Hermann groans and he rests his hands on Newt’s hips, digging his short nails into any bare flesh he can grip.

Newt moans and grits his teeth together. He drags one hand over his face in an attempt to calm himself and splays the other over Hermann’s chest.

Hermann’s words catch in his throat and he just breathes heavily and reaches a hand up to curl around Newt’s shoulder. Newt understands the plea and leans in close to slide their bodies together. He continues to grind against Hermann and takes his lower lip into his mouth. Hermann makes a small whimpering noise from the back of his throat that makes Newt smile against his lips. He nibbles and sucks at Hermann’s lip, letting his right hand roam over the sensitive parts of Hermann’s chest. He uses his other hand to take Hermann’s, which is clinging desperately to the pillow above him, and pry it loose. Newt directs it to bury in his own hair. Hermann arcs his pelvis at that and tugs tight at the roots of his hair, which earns him a sharp groan and faster snaps of Newt’s hips.

“You’re so pretty, Herms,” Newt whines incoherently. “I love your face, your dumb, stupid face, especially when you’re all sexy like this. Oh, god.”

Hermann tilts his head back to kiss Newt back and slide his tongue lazily into his mouth. Newt returns the kiss with a startling amount of fervor. He gasps and moans against Hermann’s tongue and jumps when Hermann wraps a hand around his pulsing cock.

“Hermann, I’m—shit, okay, I’m coming, fuck, sorry…” he babbles. Hermann just moves his hand from the Newt’s hair to his cheek, stroking it gently as he brings Newt to orgasm. He shushes him and kisses him to muffle his words.

Newt gasps needily into his mouth and his hands scrabble across Hermann’s upper body. He ruts himself against Hermann faster despite the rawness and sensitivity of his orgasm. “Come, come now, Hermann, need you to come, please, Hermann, please.”

Hermann lets out a low, resonating groan and shifts his hips just to rub over the overstimulated bump of Newt’s prostate. He kisses Newt desperately and his vision goes white.

When they both come back to each other Newt slowly pulls Hermann out of him. Hermann tries to help but can’t seem to come out of his lazy, comatose state. Newt kisses the corner of his mouth and insists on doing the boring bits. Hermann makes soft sighing noises as Newt wipes him clean and whispers apologies into his skin at the mess Newt’s made on his stomach. Hermann wraps his fingers around Newt’s neck and pulls him into another heady kiss. Newt smiles against his lips and pulls himself away regretfully to put the hand towel with the laundry.

When he returns he folds Hermann around him to cuddle him and Hermann complies without argument. Newt turns in his arms and dusts Hermann’s nose and cheeks with kisses.

“Good?” he whispers.

Hermann hums and nods. A hint of a smile passes on his lips and he pulls Newt tighter against him. Newt leans in and kisses him lazily and euphorically.

“Knew I’d get you to put out at some point,” Newt jokes. Hermann grumbles something unmanageable. Newt laughs. “It’s only, like, seven, you know. You shouldn’t be this tired.”

Hermann growls. “I’ll be tired whenever I bloody well want to be.”

“Jeez. Y’know, some people actually get in a better mood after sex.”

Hermann buries his nose into Newt’s hair and kisses his forehead. “That doesn’t sound like much fun.”

Newt smiles and closes his eyes. “No, I guess it doesn’t.” He noses Hermann’s cheek thoughtfully. “Thanks, Herms. For everything.”

“Go to sleep, Newton,” Hermann slurs.

Newt grins and kisses him sleepily. “Aye, aye.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wtf??? an actuaL??? p LOT????? !?!!? /??!?? /// ??! ????
> 
> i wanted to just make this a quick speedbump in the story but it turned into long drawn-out angst as i am famously prone to do, so i guess these idiots being idiots will extend into another chapter

They’re having a “Big Talk” tonight.

Hermann’s not one hundred percent on what that means; knowing Newt that could range anywhere between ‘I’m dying of a fatal disease’ to ‘they discontinued my favorite type of ice cream’. So it’s hard to tell whether to fall on excitement or anxiety. Hermann goes with his default and settles on exasperation.

Even so, forced indifference is not as easy as one would like. It’s hard to sit through his classes without fidgeting, and half of his notes dissolve into incomplete sentences or misspelled gibberish.

He fights the urge to text Newt despite the fact that his fingers are subconsciously tracing patterns on the back of his phone throughout the lesson. He knows for a fact that Newt would never stop teasing him about being unable to stop thinking about him and Hermann resents the very notion. Even if the slightest amount of truth lies within.

When he arrives home he hangs up his jacket and sighs contently when he hears the shower running and Newt’s high energy voice ringing through the apartment. He removes his shoes and pulls on a worn sweater and rests on his bed, closing his eyes and listening intently to the sound of Newt’s voice. The only good thing about thin walls and a tiny apartment is that it makes the perfect environment to hear your rock star boyfriend sing his own songs in the shower (the bloody narcissist).

Hermann rolls that word around in his mouth.

It’s been almost a month since Newt used that particular indicator and it still gives Hermann a strange, nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. Every time he says the word he stumbles over it and feels his heart rate pick up the smallest bit. He’s never had this: a steady relationship. He’s had long relationships, sure, but not anything special. It’s always been the same way—he meets someone who likes him (god knows why) and who he can only mildly stand, they end up wanting more, and become angry when Hermann can’t give them what they want. They leave, and Hermann finds himself nearly apathetic in their absence.

With Newt, though, it’s different. It’s unlike anything else. He’s never been with someone who he works so well with. Whose company he actually misses when time passes. He’d always thought of himself incapable of romantic infatuation—the idea had seemed absolutely pointless and unappealing to him. Something that only teenagers and idiots felt. But it’s strange now to enjoy someone beyond just physical attraction. Because Newt is beautiful; no one needs to tell either him or Hermann that twice, no one needs to tell the whole _world_ that even _once_ , to be truthful. But he’s also intelligent and talented and passionate and wholly and entirely interesting in a way that Hermann is undeniably drawn to. His conflicting self-confidence and raw insecurities clash and collide into something that both infuriates and intrigues Hermann. It’s refreshing, as clichéd as it sounds, to be with someone who complements him so well.

“Woah.” Hermann is startled out of his deep thought to see Newt standing above him, dripping from the shower and clutching only a towel around his waist. “Hermann’s smiling. Quick, someone get a camera.”

“Shut up,” Hermann scowls and snatches at the towel. Newt scrambles at it and catches it just as it’s about to fall.

“Jesus, Herms!” he laughs. “I know I’m not totally one for decency, but I do have _some_ pride, y’know.”

Hermann smirks and lounges back on the bed. “You’d have absolutely no way of knowing, given your track record.”

“Ha, ha,” Newt rolls his eyes and snatches some clothes from his suitcase. He pulls on a pair of boxer briefs and one of Hermann’s sweaters. Hermann considers objecting but stops and allows himself the view.

Newt slicks his hair back with his hand and Hermann grins, reaching his hand up lazily in invitation. “Come here.”

Newt grins and crawls into bed. He leans over Hermann and teases him with soft, shallow kisses. “You are one horny old dude, you know that, Herms?”

Hermann hums into Newt’s mouth and tugs at the edges of Newt’s underwear. He grins and pulls him closer to lick into his mouth.

“Holy shit, relax, man,” Newt laughs. He settles back to sit on his heels and raises an amused eyebrow down at Hermann’s pout. “Don’t give me that look. I told you that we have to have a Big Talk. Keep it in your pants, Gottlieb.”

Hermann scoffs and pushes himself up to lean on his elbows. “Couldn’t we engage in your supposed ‘Big Talk’ afterward?”

“No, because you’ve got that ‘fuck you so hard you can’t speak properly’ look in your eye, and I kinda need the use of my vocal chords to talk. Come on, game face. Just pretend like you’re listening, alright? This is an actual Big Talk, not just like the time I took one of your pain killers thinking it was a tic-tac and thought the world went sideways for a couple hours.”

“Yes, that was indeed unfortunate,” Hermann scowls.

“C’mon, sit up, buddy,” Newt chides and pulls at Hermann’s arms. “Big boy time.”

Hermann tears his arms away and pushes himself up on his own. “Don’t patronize me.”

“But you’re so cute when you’re patronized,” Newt teases and kisses him lightly.

Hermann follows his lips unconsciously and growls when Newt pulls back with no signs of deepening the kiss. “You know how much I loathe a cocktease, Newton.”

Newt blushes at Hermann saying the word ‘cock’ and laughs nervously. Hermann smirks at him. “You can’t just sex me up this time and distract me. That happens way too much, to be honest.”

“I don’t recall hearing any complaints,” Hermann says throatily, flicking his eyes down to Newt’s mouth.

“ _Stop_ that, dude!” Newt shrieks. He sighs and calms himself down. “Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Composing my thoughts. Deep breaths. I can do this.” He opens his eyes back up and smiles warmly at Hermann. “I found a place to live.”

At that moment the smug grin on Hermann’s face collapses. He feels his heart sink and something start to pool in the pit of his stomach. His chest starts to tighten with the familiar feeling of fear and anxiety. He blinks a few times and says hoarsely, “I beg your pardon?”

“In the city! I found a place in the city! It’s real nice, it’s a penthouse—I know, kinda brash, but whatever—it’s New York, man, go big or go home—and it’s on the upper east side. Ugh, I know, but, like, that’s where all the nice shit is. It’s real cool, real punk, real rustic, and I actually love it a lot. I’ve been meeting with a realtor for a few weeks and Tendo finally had the papers finalized last week. You’re gonna love it, I swear to god. It has a breakfast nook. I saw it and I was just like, that’s it, that is totally so it, I _have_ to get a breakfast nook because I just _know_ you’re the lame type to go crazy over that kind of shit. Uh, Hermann? Hermann, buddy? You okay, man? You look kinda green.”

Hermann breathes shallowly and asks meekly, “You’re moving out?”

“Well, I mean, yeah,” Newt says, starting to shy away from his previous excitement.

“Do you—” he swallows, “Do you not like it here?”

“What? No! No, dude! Don’t be crazy!” Newt grabs both Hermann’s hands and looks at him with wide, worried eyes. “I _love_ your apartment. I so crazy stupid love it. And I like _you_ a ton, by the way, if I haven’t already said that a thousand times yet today. But, you gotta admit, this place is tiny. And there’s not enough room for the both of us. I’m sick of barging in on you, making a mess of your kitchen, bugging you without even meaning it while you’re trying to study or grade papers. You’re at Cornell, dude, you’re going places, for real. The last thing you need is to spend your time babysitting some lame ten year old in a twenty year old’s body while you’re trying to get your doctorate.”

Hermann seems to look right through him.

“Hermann, are you okay? I’m serious. Please say something.”

“I’m fine,” he lies.

“This is a _good thing_ , dude,” Newt promises. “Look, I don’t know if I’ve said this aloud yet, but fuck it—I’m in this for the long haul. Like, this is the _real deal_ for me. I know we’ve only been, like, a thing, or whatever, for a few months, but you have to know that I seriously _never_ do this. Date, I mean. If this was just a fling, sure, I’d be okay with crashing at your place for a little while and then dipping out later on. But this is, like, official, y’know? This is something, y’know? I really like you. And if we’re gonna do this, I wanna do it right. I want to get a place near you and have this be a permanent thing instead of a commuter thing. You know?”

Hermann nods absently.

“Hermann,” Newt says softly and holds his chin gently to look into his eyes. “We’re gonna see each other all the time now.”

 _How are we going to see each other all the time when you live on the other side of town_ , Hermann thinks, but he doesn’t say that. He says, “I know,” and forces a tight smile.

Newt furrows his eyebrows, unconvinced, but smiles back. “Will you come help me move in tomorrow?”

 _Tomorrow?_ “Of course I will.”

“Okay,” Newt says warily. “Cool.”

“Cool,” Hermann repeats faintly.

…

Hermann and Newt spend all day moving the small bit of possessions that Newt has with him into the apartment and shopping for new furniture. That is, Hermann, Newt, and _Vanessa_ all do so. Hermann had invited Vanessa at the last minute without telling Newt, and if Newt asks, she’s not a buffer for his badly concealed hurt feelings and resentment at this new turn of events, she’s just a friend who he feels bad about neglecting for his new boyfriend. And if Hermann asks, Newt’s not totally pissed off that his stupid genius boyfriend has thought of the perfect way to avoid talking about his obvious anger and passive aggression. And if Vanessa asks—well, she won’t, because she’s way too busy freaking the fuck out about being able to go to IKEA with a rock star.

Newt had tried to convince Hermann that they would be fine going out in disguise and that he could handle the pressure but Hermann would hear nothing of it. He wouldn’t even let them leave the house without Newt calling Tendo to have him arrange something where they can have the store to themselves and be accompanied by bodyguards as well.

_Really, Hermann? IKEA? All to ourselves? What if we get lost? What if we get Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Minded? What if we get Narnia’d? What if we get Night at the Museum’d?_

Hermann would hear none of his hilarious and totally not nerdy references. Even though he was clearly avoiding healthy communication, he was still set on protecting Newt’s fragile mental being at all costs. It was infuriatingly adorable.

Newt’s afraid to even hold Hermann’s hand or kiss him with Vanessa around. He knows that Hermann absolutely abhors PDA, not to mention the fact that he’s so totally pissed at him and that would _not_ go over well. It’s a shame, too, because how hot would it be to get it on with your boyfriend in a fucking IKEA bed?

Okay, maybe not that hot. Maybe it’s just Hermann that’s hot. God, is he hot. He’s wearing those trousers on purpose. He must be. Newt hasn’t been able to convince him to wear jeans for him just yet, but he remembers vividly remarking on how terribly sexy he looks in well-tailored trousers. And he’s wearing Newt’s fucking tee shirt, for fuck’s sake. He has a sweater on over it but Newt knows it’s there from spending the morning getting ready together, taunting him with the way it stretches over Hermann’s long torso. And his arms, shit, they are way nicer than they have any right to be. For someone who’s so skinny and frumpy-looking it should be illegal that Hermann has as nice a bod as he does. Especially when Newt is trying to force himself to be mad at him for reasons he still doesn’t completely understand.

“I like this couch,” Vanessa remarks plainly. She’s been looking between them all day and it’s really starting to freak Newt out. When they had met outside before he’d even had a chance to say anything she’d just glanced at him, then Hermann, raised an eyebrow, and scoffed before turning on her heel. Newt can’t tell if she’s the smartest person on the planet or just a straight up psychic. He can tell without even knowing her very well that she’s more intelligent than either he or Hermann. He’d never tell Hermann that, obviously, but he supposes it’s useful to know. It doesn’t seem fair that someone could be that gorgeous and that smart but, hey, he supposes, just look at Hermann.

While Newt is scoping out cabinets and kitchen shit Vanessa grabs Hermann and all but drags him behind.

“Okay, at first I was all psyched to spend the whole day at an IKEA with fucking NEWT., but now  this whole miscommunication shit is really getting on my _bloody_ nerves,” she sneers. “I know you’re cripplingly awkward and everything, and I feel that, Hermann, I truly do, but this? Not cool. _Completely_ not cool.”

“I’m sorry,” Hermann hisses back. He glances up at Newt to make sure he can’t hear. “But I didn’t have a choice.”

“How about starting with telling me why the fuck this is such a big deal instead of engaging in all this overdone passive aggressive bullshit?”

He raises his chin and looks down at her beneath his glasses. “I’ve absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

When Newt approaches them Vanessa is glaring at Hermann pointedly and he glares back at her for a while. Newt looks between them awkwardly and lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Hermann scoffs and announces that he has to use the loo. Vanessa watches him walk away and rolls her eyes before turning to Newt.

“Okay, so he’s a defiant prick, nothing new under the sun in that department,” she says angrily. “Perhaps you could shed some light on the situation?”

“What d’you mean?”

“Oh, God, please don’t play Dumb Rock Star with me,” Vanessa sighs. “I know you went to MIT and Hermann is my best friend who tells me _mostly_ everything. Plus, any idiot could tell you’re brilliant. You radiate arrogant intelligence.”

“Thank you, I think,” he replies hesitantly. “Look, I’d spill my guts to you if I could, honest, but I have literally no idea what his problem is. Believe me, I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours trying to coax it out of him. I sincerely thought he’d be _happy_ about this, for Christ’s sakes. I’m giving him space and I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m doing this so we can look to the future instead of me just being some random squatter eating his food and sucking his dick.”

“Oh, shit, I know you’re stressed out, but honest to god, can I say I _love_ you,” Vanessa laughs. “You are so much more open than Hermann is, thank god. I am so going to you for sex details next chance I get.”

The color drains out of Newt’s face and he feels like he might puke all of a sudden. “Oh, shit,” he says faintly. “What if he doesn’t wanna get serious? What if I just—what if I just fucked everything up? Oh, shit, Vanessa.”

He stumbles a bit and Vanessa grabs him by the arms. “Holy shit, holy—okay, calm down, that is _not_ it. Are you listening to me? I am one hundred and twenty percent sure that is totally false. Newt, you need to calm down, alright?”

“I went way too fast, holy shit,” he rambles, “I went way, way, way, way, way too fast, way too fast, so fast, oh god, Vanessa—what if I like him more than he likes me? What if I’m pressuring him? What if I scared him off? Oh, shit—what if ‘I’m off to use the loo’ is actually secret code for ‘I’m changing my name and moving to a different state so you can never find me ever again’? I fucked up, Vanessa, holy shit did I fuck up.”

“You didn’t fuck _anything_ up,” Vanessa says sternly. “If I know Hermann, _he’s_ the one fucking everything up. I swear, the man is a certified genius and a half but give him another human being with a real, live, fragile heart and he’s basically a fish out of water. _He’s_ the real idiot, here, Newt, there isn’t a single doubt in my mind.”

“Okay,” he says uneasily, but at least he starts to regain balance and the fuzziness in his head begins to clear. “Sorry. Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she says and pats him on the cheek comfortingly. “Now look alive, cowboy.”

Newt looks up to see Hermann striding back towards them. His mouth is pinched and his eyes are slit. It makes Newt’s heart sink in his chest.

“You gonna be alright?” Vanessa whispers into Newt’s ear. He nods jerkily and hums in response.

Vanessa spends the rest of the day holding Newt’s arm protectively and shooting nasty looks at Hermann. Hermann spends the rest of the day quietly stewing and being just the least bit jealous at how tight their grip on each other is. At the end of the day they all return to their separate homes with dead eyes and forced pleasantries and more than a little bit of resentment for the entire ordeal.

…

“So am I going to have to come over there and force it out of you or are you going to make this easy on the both of us and just tell me straight out?”

Hermann sighs into the phone and scribbles meaningless doodles in the margins of his work. “Not today, Vanessa.”

“Hermann, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“Then don’t help me. No one’s asking you to.”

“Fine. I won’t.”

“Fine. Don’t.”

There’s a long pause on the other end before Vanessa asks exhaustedly, “Have you at least _talked_ to him since yesterday?”

“Talk about _what_ , exactly?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out!” she screeches.

“Good luck, because I’ve absolutely no idea whatsoever what you’re talking about.”

“God!” she huffs. “I hope you were running to be World’s Most Prominent Arsehole, Hermann Gottlieb, because that’s exactly the title you’re winning right now.” She stews on the other end of the phone and when there’s no response at all she sighs and gives up. “Just call him, okay? You don’t have to talk or anything, even though that’s what you _should_ be doing, you proper idiot. Just call him, let him know you’re still there for him. Don’t let him bottom out. He was a mess yesterday.”

“That’s not _my_ fault,” he says defensively.

“Well then you should have no problem ringing him and telling him that.”

“You’re ridiculous,” he sneers.

“Then that makes two of us,” she snaps and hangs up the phone with a click.

Hermann tosses his phone on the table angrily and stares at it for a long while. He tries to focus on his work, but to no avail. Every time he starts a new sentence or comment it peters out and he ends up forgetting what he was even trying to say in the first place. After a few long minutes of suffocating silence he gives up and picks the phone back up again.

It barely rings twice before Newt’s picking up the phone and saying hurriedly, “Hermann?”

“Newton,” Hermann says, forcing calmness into his voice.

“H-hey!” Newt says hurriedly. “Good to—ah, good to hear from you, buddy. Dude. Man. Whatever. What’s up? Everything alright?”

“Fine, everything’s fine,” Hermann replies awkwardly. “Just wanted to check up on things.”

“Yo, everything’s awesome here. Some of the furniture got delivered—not all of it, obviously, there’s a ton of stuff. I got a ton of stuff, man. But I do have, like, the essentials. Bed, couch, dining table, uh, like, oven, or whatever. It looks pretty good so far.”

“Sounds like it.”

Newt pauses before continuing on. “Do you maybe wanna—come over? Check the place out? Give it the old Gottlieb blessing?” He laughs nervously.

Hermann fidgets with his hands. “I, ah. I can’t. I’m afraid I’m very busy at the moment. Grading papers.”

“Oh. Right. Totally. No, yeah, sure. It was dumb of me to even bring it up. Some other time, then.”

“Yes, of course.” Hermann sits in silence for a few moments. “You’re alright, though? You’re doing okay? On your own?”

“Yeah, yeah, no, I’m doing awesome. Really cool to break in a new place all to myself. I’ve never lived on my own before, you know that? In L.A. I lived with Mako because at first she wasn’t old enough to get a place on her own and then it just got easier to keep the arrangement that way but, like. Yeah. I think it’s alright. I think I’ll be okay.” He laughs a little and Hermann can hear the bitterness in it. “It’s just, uh, weird, I guess, is all. But I’ll be fine.”

“Right.” Hermann coughs. “Well, I’d better get back to work.”

“Yeah, totally. I have a conference call with the band and our publicist in about half an hour anyway, I should probably get ready to that. Have fun grading papers.”

“How could I possibly not, with this amount of spelling mistakes and embarrassing miscalculations. May as well be Christmas morning,” Hermann says sarcastically. He surprises himself with how easy it is to fall back into a conversational rhythm with Newt even though every part of him is adamant on being angry.

Newt laughs and it makes Hermann’s chest tighten a bit. The sound is so genuine and beautiful, he hadn’t even realized he’d missed it. “Right.”

Hermann opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, Newt cuts him off.

“You’ll come over soon, won’t you, Hermann?” Newt asks timidly, quietly. “You’ll come over and check the place out, right?”

“Of course I will,” Hermann says, and it nearly breaks his heart. “I’ll come over as soon as I can.”

“What about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow…” Hermann repeats and chews on his lip.

“That was too eager, wasn’t it? Shit, I’m sorry—”

“No, no—tomorrow is fine. Tomorrow’s fantastic. I’ll come as soon as my last class is over.”

“Seriously?” Newt beams. “Okay. Awesome. You’re gonna love this place, Hermann, I swear. It’s real dignified. Kinda reminds me of Pacific Printed, actually, if I’m being honest. That’s not lame to say, is it?”

“Not at all,” Hermann smiles to himself.

“Okay,” Newt says with a sigh of relief. “Cool.”

“Indeed.”

“So. Alright. I’ll let you go.” Before he hangs up he clarifies again, “Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Awesome.” The excitement rings through his voice as he repeats again, quieter, “Awesome.”

“Good evening, Newton,” Hermann says.

“See you later, Herms.”

He hangs up the phone and stares off into the empty, dark room for a while, thinking that this should really not be as hard as it already is.

…

It’s absolute torture going to sleep without Newt next to him, even moreso this night than the first. The first he had been encapsulated in rage, both at Newt and himself. He’d tossed and turned and finally fallen asleep after tiring himself out. Tonight all there is to do is stare up at the ceiling and be uncomfortably aware of how silent it is. It’s easier to realize how much you miss the even sounds of light snoring and a heavy limb being haphazardly thrown across you in the middle of the night in the midst of cold silence.

It’s preposterous to feel as much a loss as he does, given that he’s spent almost his entire life sleeping alone. Even when he had slept with others he’d hated it—it had always been uncomfortable and made him utterly self-conscious and vulnerable in their presence. Sleeping with Newt had always been easy. They’d fallen into a comfortable routine without even realizing it and fit each other in a way that it doesn’t seem two people should be able to do.

Hermann clutches his pillow tighter to his chest and squeezes his eyes shut as tight as he can. If he does it long enough he can fool himself into thinking he’s holding something else instead, and that when he opens his eyes he’ll be greeted by soft lips and an open smile instead of the cold, harsh reality of solitude.

If he holds it tight enough he can turn his pain into exhaustion.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait.
> 
> part ii of Angst Corner: with Newt and Hermann
> 
> possibly more angst to come, idk, sorry, its all i'm good at basically

The next day Hermann is a mess of nerves and unjustifiable anxiety. He stutters at least three times while at his chalk board and stares off blankly into space one too many times while a student tries to ask him a question. Vanessa ends up sending him home early, throwing nasty insults at him the whole time but betraying her words with the concerned glances she shoots at him every now and then.

He walks to the nearest subway station and stares at the large map before him. It would be so enticing right now to go home and curl up in a fort of blankets and never go outside or answer any of his calls again, but for a second an image of Newt sitting in his new apartment alone and heartbroken flashes through his mind and before he knows what he’s doing he’s on the next train uptown.

Newt opens the door immediately, as if he’d been waiting right behind it for quite some time. He beams at Hermann and Hermann forces a weak smile back and they’re both faking happiness and they both know it but neither of them says anything about it.

“You’re early,” Newt offers meekly as he steps aside to allow him in. Hermann takes small strides into the apartment, looking around silently.

“It’s not done yet,” Newt says quickly, rushing to his side. “I mean there isn’t even a TV yet—I’m gonna get one soon—not too big, I know how you hate those—a modest TV, Herms, I promise—maybe not too modest, y’know, just, ah, a compromise, heh—plus I’m thinking of painting these walls a, um, a different shade? Of white, maybe? That’s stupid, actually, nevermind. Are there even different shades of white?”

“Eggshell would be nice,” Hermann comments quietly.

“Yeah, right, eggshell, that’s, uh, yeah, that’s totally. Yeah. That’s totally a color.” Newt licks his lips nervously and watches as Hermann paces around the room thoughtfully. “A shitload of bookshelves are coming next week, like floor to ceiling ones. You should see my book collection in L.A., honest to god, it’s totally unreal. I had to turn my mini recording studio into a studio-slash-library because my library was getting way too full. Plus, like, this place has three bedrooms so I’m thinking of getting a home office, how lame is that? I don’t know. Plus I’m gonna get, like, six dozen big, fluffy couches that’ll totally swallow you whole when you sink into them. It’s not like—it’s not done, though, okay, so don’t judge it on how it looks—right now—fuck, is it messy? It’s messy, isn’t it. I’m sorry, Herms—”

Newt moves to start cleaning but Hermann grabs his wrist and stops him. Newt whirls around and stares with big eyes up at him. Hermann cradles his cheek in his hand and presses his thumb to the corner of Newt’s eye, where deep circles are starting to form. “Newton,” he says softly. Newt leans into the touch and parts his lips slightly, falling back into the comfort of being this close to another person easily.

“Hermann,” Newt whispers back. His voice sounds hoarse; exhausted.

Hermann leans in and presses a soft kiss to Newt’s lips. Newt returns it with fervor, resting almost his full weight in Hermann’s arms.

“I’ve missed you,” Hermann admits quietly.

“I missed you so fucking much, Herms,” Newt says, wrecked. He balls his fists in the lapels of Hermann’s blazer and crushes their noses together, never daring to open his eyes. “You don’t even fucking know.”

Hermann breathes deeply and swallows. He lets the silence sit for a moment before saying, “I should go now.”

He barely gets the words out before Newton interrupts him: “No.”

“Newton I have…I have classes tomorrow, I have papers to grade, papers to _write,_ and—”

“Hermann,” Newt says, firmly, but still never lifts his head or opens his eyes. “Stay here. Please stay here. One night. Just please stay here with me.”

Hermann considers arguing, but can’t force himself to.

“Alright,” he says, threading a hand through Newt’s unruly hair and sighing deeply. “I’ll stay.”

…

Hermann wakes up with a dry mouth and bleary, sleep-ridden eyes. Newt holds on tight when he starts to pull away, and he allows himself a few minutes to watch his boyfriend sleep. The bags under his eyes have started to go down and he looks a bit less tense than he had the night before. Newt grimaces in his sleep, clinging to Hermann like he’s petrified of being left alone. Hermann feels an emptiness when he finally drags himself out of bed and feels a familiar sense of loss as he clicks Newt’s door shut.

When he comes into school in the same clothes Vanessa starts to tease and prod him, immediately assuming he and Newt have made up. She is uncharacteristically wrong. He cuts her off with a sharp glare and a swift shake of the head. She immediately clams up for the rest of the day.

She texts Newt a few hours later, because of course she has Newt’s phone number.

No response.

…

It’s late and Hermann is walking around aimlessly; strange because he never walks without purpose. Walking for Hermann is strictly business, no leisure. Even disregarding his leg.

It starts to rain, which Hermann knows even before it’s going to happen. His leg throbs unforgivingly. His eyes are glazed over in an exhausted haze and he doesn’t realize he’s arrived at Newt’s building until he’s standing at the front door.

Newt opens the door to find Hermann drenched from head to toe, leaning against the door frame with his eyes closed.

“I was in the neighborhood,” he says lamely, his voice hoarse. He rubs his nose against the door frame and sighs at the comforting feeling of something cool and dry against his skin.

“It’s getting late,” Newt says. He doesn’t even bother to hide the concern in his voice. “It’s after dark. You shouldn’t be walking around at this hour. It’s not safe.”

“You sound like me,” he smiles bitterly.

“Are you okay, Herms?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Hermann says softly, as if that’s a response at all.

They’re both silent for a while until Newt breaks the silence with a small, catatonic voice. “You’re not gonna break up with me, are you?”

Hermann opens one eye and gazes at him for the first time. He sucks in a breath at how beautiful he looks, clearly just having been disturbed from tossing and turning in bed (concerning; dissect that later). His hair is sticking up at all ends, not in the meticulous way like normally, but in a very messy way, much more endearing than usual. He wears nothing but an old, worn out Kaiju Blue concert tee shirt and boxers. The thick bags under his eyes haven’t seemed to let up yet. He seems tired, yet restless at the same time. If this were two weeks ago Hermann would have pulled him into an embrace so tight Newt couldn’t—and wouldn’t—dream of ducking out of it.

“Newton,” Hermann says. His voice starts to choke with sincerity. He closes his eyes again and shakes his head. “Of course not. Never. I’d never.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do,” he says firmly. He forces himself to stand up right and open his eyes, even if it is only to stare at the floor. “In this moment, right here, right now, I am not certain of much. I know very little of what most would deem ‘important’, of that I’m quite sure you need no convincing. But I do know maths. And I know the probability of me ever tiring of you is in percentages too small for even someone of my caliber to decipher.” He rubs a hand over his face and sighs shakily. “I apologize if I have indicated anything on the contrary.”

Newt reaches up and pries Hermann’s hand from his face so he can cradle it and kiss him tenderly. They both hold on to each other with tight grips and ragged inhalations.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” Hermann says.

“You didn’t.”

“I know.”

They both stare at each other before Hermann coughs and breaks eye contact nervously. “I should go.”

“You don’t have to…”

“I should go.”

“Okay,” Newt nods somberly. “Sure. If that’s what you want.”

Hermann stands awkwardly and swallows thickly. “I will call ahead the next time I stop by.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Hermann grips his cane tightly and nods. “Good night, Newton.”

“Bye, Herms,” Newt says, leaning against the door.

Hermann replies with a quick, regretful kiss. “Sleep well.”

“I’ll try.”

“Please do.”

They hold eye contact but Newton breaks it, blinking away tears.

“I’ll see you later.”

Hermann doesn’t even get the chance to say something else before the door is being shut in his face.

…

Hermann isn’t home an hour before he presses the phone to his ear and squeezes his eyes shut, listening anxiously to the sound of the dial tone.

“Hermann?” Newt answers immediately, tinges of fear in his voice.

“Still can’t sleep,” Hermann says softly. He rolls over onto his side and focuses on breathing evenly.

Newt pauses before admitting, “I haven’t…I haven’t slept since I started living on my own. The only time was when you stayed over.”

“I know.”

“I get nightmares,” Newt says, his voice trembling. “I thought I could handle it but I just—I can’t, I thought I was gonna be okay on my own, I thought I was stronger, but I’m not, Hermann, I’m fucking not—”

“I know, Newton,” Hermann says soothingly. “I thought I was stronger, too.”

“Why can’t we live without each other?” Newt asks desperately. “Is that bad? Are we doing something wrong?”

“I certainly hope not.”

“Why can’t we fucking _talk_ about this shit? In person, I mean?”

“I don’t know.”

Newt’s voice is constricted, like he’s holding back a sob. “I miss you like crazy, man. You don’t even understand. You’re like a missing fucking limb. When I’m apart from you I feel like I might die any second. I thought you were an added bonus, a gift from whatever the hell is in control up there, retribution for sticking me with all my stupid mental bullshit. But you’re fucking not. You’re a fucking godsend, dude, you’re my life support, you’re my crutch. That’s not fair. We barely know each other. That’s so not even fair.”

“I feel the same,” Hermann says in a raspy voice.

“I’ve never…felt this way. I don’t know what to do.”

“Neither do I,” Hermann confesses.

“Jesus,” Newt laughs. “How do we not have a clue?”

“No one else has ever understood,” Hermann says, and the conversation goes cold again.

Newt is silent on the other end of the line. After a long period of silence, he says quietly, “Move in with me.”

Hermann’s heart pounds in his chest. “What?”

“We both know we’re gonna. We know, like we know we’re gonna be serious and we’re gonna say those scary words and have those scary conversations. This is just our first scary conversation. It’s fast, sure, but I can’t think of a single thing wrong with the idea. I can’t imagine anyone else but you, Hermann.”

“That’s not…those aren’t reputable grounds…”

“Fuck that, man,” Newt sighs. “Fuck logic. Fuck all that math science bullshit we’re always droning on about. Fuck it. Let’s just do it. We’ve lived together before, we know we’re official, now we’re just making it more official. Might as well embrace the whole Head-Over-Heels bullshit we both can’t seem to shake.”

Hermann closes his eyes, searching for an argument, and feels both frustration and elation when he can’t think of a single one. He lets out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding and says, like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, “Alright. Yes. Yes, let’s do it.”

“Fucking—fuck, okay,” Newt giggles, and he sounds happier than he has in weeks. “Fuck me. We’re doing this. Okay. Fuck.” He laughs again, and Hermann smiles at the sound. “Jesus, before I couldn’t sleep because I was miserable, now I can’t sleep because I’m too goddamn happy. What a fuckin’ world.”

“Me, too,” Hermann snickers softly to himself, hiding it in the pillow next to him like a bashful school boy.

“Come over,” Newt says desperately.

“I can’t,” Hermann says and squeezes his eyes shut. “My leg…”

“Fuck. No. Obviously.” There’s a large racket on the other end of the line. “I’ll be there in half an hour.”

“Newton, you don’t have to…”

“Don’t be fucking stupid,” Newt says, slightly out of breath. “I’m gonna come over there, kiss you so hard your mouth hurts, and then sleep better than I ever have in my life. Don’t even try to tell me to stay more than an inch away from you at all times, dude.”

Hermann holds the phone to his ear and listens to Newt’s heavy breathing and excited murmurs and smothers his irrepressible smile in a pillow. He feels, for once, finally content. It’s not perfect, sure. But most things rarely are.

He thinks he likes it better this way. Imperfect and chaotic. After all: it is all they’ve ever known.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for making you wait such a long time for something so short and with such shotty writing, but i've had a wicked case of writer's block for the longest while. school's over in about 2 weeks, though, so hopefully the summer will be conducive to my writing patterns.

They can’t keep their hands off each other, and thank god winter break is just around the corner because that means they don’t have to.

They move into Newt’s penthouse immediately. Newt offers cautiously to pay for everything but Hermann stews and insists on covering his share of the rent. He goes pale when Newt tells him exactly what that share would be and they land on a more realistic agreement—Hermann pays the same amount he was paying for rent at his old place and will pitch in for groceries every week. He’s not ecstatic with it but he decides that he’s willing to sacrifice a small portion of his pride if it means peace of mind and the promise of a good night’s sleep with Newt at his side.

“Vanessa’s tried calling you six times in the last hour,” Newt observes when they’re both tangled in the sheets of Newt’s new mattress, which is hastily thrown on the floor of his—their—bedroom. It’s one of those expensive memory foam ones—much better than Hermann’s old hand-me-down spring mattress that Newt had to be talked out of burning while they were in the process of transferring Hermann’s shit to Newt’s place. Hermann looks over his reading glasses at Newt and raises an eyebrow.

“I wonder whatever for,” he says snarkily.

“She’s texted me eight times,” Newt remarks. “Persistent.”

“One of her less savory qualities,” Hermann sneers. He sighs and holds out his hand. “Give it to me, then. Might as well get this over with.”

“This is exciting,” Newt says. “Like telling the parents.”

“Except with a much higher chance of nagging,” Hermann rolls his eyes and dials. He tosses the phone on the bed and lets the dial tone ring loudly.

“Hermann!” Vanessa barks over the phone. Newt stifles a giggle in his sweater. “You bloody, _fucking_ imbecile, you’d better not be getting pissed somewhere. If I have to drive out to some random shithole bar to pick you up because you’re drowning your sorrows in some fruity cocktail over your stupid bloody pride I’ll throw a _fucking_ fit—”

“Hi, Nessa,” Newt snickers. “It’s Newt.”

“ _Newt_? You’re fucking kidding me.”

“Language, Vanessa,” Herman chides.

“I call you eighteen times in the last forty-eight hours and you can’t send me a ‘by the way, I’ve stopped being an unmitigated asstwat and finally got around to talking to my beautiful rock star boyfriend’ text? It takes less than a minute, truly and honestly, you could have even sent it mid-fuck for all it was worth. Hermann Gottlieb, you’d better invest in another cane because you’ll need the extra help after I kick your _fucking_ arse the next time I see you.”

“It means the world to us to receive your eloquent blessing, my dear.”

“ _Fuck_ you, Hermann.” Her voice goes sickly sweet when she switches over to addressing Newt: “Newt, lovely, how are you? Heart still intact?”

“Just barely,” Newt says, widening his eyes and exaggerating wobbling his lip as he clutches a hand to his chest. Hermann scowls and bats at him. Newt laughs and rolls away on the bed.

“He’s a fool, don’t let the degrees fool you, Newt, darling, if I hadn’t been there to help him along he wouldn’t know his arse from his head. Next time he tries to pull something like this again I am the _first_ one you call, understand? I’m the unofficial mother-in-law here, it seems.”

“Self-appointed,” Hermann murmurs.

“Hush, dear, finish your morning cup of bitter before it gets cold,” Vanessa snaps. Newt bites his lip and laughs quietly to himself. “You boys are too smart to be such idiots.”

“Imminent thanks for your ever-so-worldly advice,” Hermann drones. “But we must be off. Things to do, people to see, and all that.”

“Libidos to quell,” Vanessa mutters.

“Thanks for the call!” Newt interjects before this can get any uglier. “We’ll see you soon.”

“You certainly will. Have a nice day. Try to leave the bedroom at least once, it’s not too good for Hermann to spend all day on his _back_.”

“Dually noted!” Hermann says with a scowl as he jabs the call to an end. He falls back onto the bed and dramatically throws his forearm over his eyes. “She is entirely impossible.”

“I think you may be getting the two of you mixed up,” Newt smirks, crawling over to lean over Hermann. He smiles at him fondly.

“Are you calling me impossible?” Hermann asks. He uncovers his eyes and leers up at Newt teasingly. “Am I going to have to make you take that back?”

“I’d like to see you try,” Newt smiles and leans in to kiss the stupid, shit-eating grin off his face.

…

It’s well past noon when they finally extract themselves from bed. Hermann grumbles about how indecent he is and what a bad influence Newt has on him all the way into the shower. He seems to stop mumbling on when Newt climbs in with him and finds an effective way to shut him up. Or at least make the sounds ones less of complaint and more of pleasure.

“Good thing I got the steam room option installed, huh?” Newt smirks at him as he lowers himself to sit between Hermann’s spread legs. Hermann is sitting on the raised marble as water falls gently from the waterfall setting overhead with his head bent back and his mouth open, panting gently. Newt pinches his side and giggles to himself. “You can call me ‘preposterous and presumptuous’ all you want, Hermie baby, but I know for a fact you find my ridiculous bouts of romanticism fucking adorable.”

“Would you please occupy your absurd mouth with something a bit more pleasing for _both_ of us?” Hermann growls and tugs at the hand wrapped in Newt’s hair.

“Mm, I like it when you get all mean,” Newt grins and nips the inside of Hermann’s thigh. Hermann hisses and arcs his back. Newt kisses the spot sweetly and massages his bad leg.

Hermann groans above him. “Twat,” he hisses. Newt just pinches him and then lavishes the area with a decadent amount of kisses.

“How’s your leg?” Newt murmurs against his skin.

“Not…marvelous,” Hermann admits through strained breath.

“Damn. What a shame.” Newt gazes up at the pristine marble walls. “You really gotta fuck me up against these things one of these days.”

“Newton!” Hermann sneers and swats at his shoulder. “Be decent, for god’s sake!”

“He says, with his dick in my mouth,” Newt rolls his eyes and takes this chance to grip Hermann at the base and take him as far down as he can manage. Hermann gasps and tightens his grip on Newt’s shoulder, pressing his short nails into the skin hard enough that Newt can feel little half-moon indents starting to form.

Hermann bites down on his fist hard in a vain attempt to smother the noise, momentarily forgetting that their only neighbors are a whole floor down. Newt calmly reaches his hand up to pull the fingers from Hermann’s mouth and pulls off him with a pop to kiss his stomach gingerly and whisper, “Stop that. I wanna hear you.”

It’s easy after that for Hermann to let go and be as loud as he wants. Newt scrambles up, coughing a little bit from where he didn’t swallow too well, to straddle Hermann with a heaving chest and labored breath. Hermann kisses him fiercely and desperately as he strokes Newt to completion. Newt cries into Hermann’s mouth and bites his lip so hard he leaves a mark that lasts a few days. He’ll look at that mark from time to time over the next week and smile to himself, touching his own lip unconsciously, and feel a rush of blood go to his cock, inspiring another venture someplace else as they explore their new living space in the most conventional and unconventional ways.

…

“Don’t leave, Hermann.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Hermann scowls, trying and failing to roll away from Newt’s death grip on his arm. “Neither of us have left the apartment in nearly four days! I need some fresh air, the kind that’s not weighed down by the pungent odor of your needy arousal.”

“That’s what the balcony’s for,” Newt whines. He flops over and gazes up at Hermann in an exaggerated attempt at seduction. “Plus, you know you love my needy pheromone shit.”

“Get off me, you preposterous lug,” Hermann huffs, shoving Newt away once and for all. He reaches for his cane and quickly pulls himself up. His knees buckle the slightest bit from being in bed so long but he lifts his chin and powers through.

“ _Hermann_ ,” Newt pouts. He scrambles up to follow Hermann out of the room, fumbling as he tries to pull his pants on. “C’mon, look, the dining table just got delivered!” He gestures to the impressive oak table sitting neatly in the center of the dining room. “We haven’t even christened it yet.” He leans in and toys with the collar of Hermann’s shirt provocatively.

Hermann starts to lean into the touch before he snaps back to reality and bats Newt’s hand away. “We are _not_ going to violate our brand new platform to _eat off of_ with your strange obligation to sully every appliance in this household with your semen!”

“Yeah, you’re right, Hermie, you’re so right,” Newt murmurs huskily and pulls them backwards so he’s leaning his backside against the table. He pulls Hermann close and kisses the corner of his mouth chastely. “I’m so stupid, whatever was I thinking?”

Hermann places a firm hand on the table to balance himself and even starts to lean into the touch but at the last moment jerks back. “ _No_ , Newton, for heaven’s sakes. You are a child.”

“What, like a naughty schoolboy?” Newt grins up at him from his seat on the table.

“We’re nearly out of groceries,” Hermann huffs.

“That’s why you pay people to do that lame, boring, normal shit.”

“I’ll only be gone an hour at most.”

“That’s, like, a billion years in Newt Time.”

“If you’re good,” Hermann says in a low baritone that immediately shuts Newt up and makes his eyes go wide. “Perhaps you’ll receive a reward when I return.”

“Table sex?”

“We’ll see,” Hermann scowls, but Newt detects the small glint in his eye and smiles to himself. _Table sex_. “I suppose you’ll just have to wait.”

Newt bites his lip and flutters his eyelashes. He hooks his fingers through Hermann’s belt loops and drags him close. “How long do I have to wait?”

Hermann grasps Newt’s chin firmly between his thumb and forefinger and tilts his head up forcefully. “For as long as I’m away.”

“And if I’m good?” Newt asks breathlessly.

“Then I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll see stars and can’t sit down properly for a month.”

Hermann kisses him roughly and smiles faintly at the way Newt follows his lips when he pulls away. Newt whimpers at the loss and at the already growing erection that’s arisen from Hermann’s voice alone. Hermann traces his tenting trousers teasingly and smirks.

“No touching,” he growls. “I want you to wait patiently and be good. Can you do that for me?”

Newt nods jerkily with hooded eyes.

“Lovely.” Hermann pulls on his jacket nonchalantly and straightens his lapels. Newt lets out a soft moan at the sight. He grins before snatching his keys and wallet. “I’ll be back soon.”

Newt watches the door a few seconds after Hermann closes it before letting out a sharp breath of air and falling wordlessly back onto the table top. He balls his hands up into fists at his sides and tries to concentrate anything but his obnoxiously deprived cock and how the hell he’s going to last without Hermann’s hands on him for more than five minutes.

…

“Newton?” Hermann’s voice echoes through the flat. He closes the door patiently and drapes his jacket on the coat rack next to the door that he had pestered Newt to get. His footsteps are deafening in the silent penthouse.

“In here,” Newt chokes out.

Hermann hastily puts away the few groceries he has in the kitchen before entering the dining room to see Newt lying in the exact same position he had left him in. His jeans are unbuttoned and hastily thrown around his hips, as if he had tried to get them off but the pressure had been too much. Hermann smiles to himself and clucks his tongue.

“Indecent,” he tsks smugly.

“You were gone for _ages_.”

“Hardly an hour.”

“Fucking _ages_ , man.”

“Hush,” Hermann says and leans over him, sliding a solid hand up Newt’s thigh. “You’ve been so good for so long, do you really want all of your efforts to go to waste?”

He whimpers desperately as Hermann lowers himself down to brush his lips against Newt’s ear.

“No touching?”

Newt bites his lip and shakes his head. He wraps his hand around Hermann’s neck and pulls him in close. “Hermann, _please_.”

Hermann places both hands on Newt’s knees and spreads them out to settle in between them. Newt gasps and jumps in Hermann’s arms when he leans in and presses their crotches together. He ducks his head to kiss Newt’s collarbone and neck as he mewls above him.

“It’s, like, actual torture being away from you,” Newt whines desperately, “like you’re killing me slowly without laying a finger on me.”

Hermann hums against Newt’s skin and applies a rough bite, emitting a pathetic moan from his mouth. Hermann slides Newt’s trousers and boxers down his thighs and pulls up a chair. He starts to tease the head of Newt’s painfully hard cock with his lips but is interrupted by a swift jerk of Newt’s hand at his collar.

“ _No_ ,” he protests firmly, dragging Hermann up from his seated position.

“I thought you wanted—”

“No going back on your promise,” Newt growls and fishes in his tight pockets for a bottle of lube a handful of condoms. “I don’t care how you do it, but you are _going_ to fuck me on this table so hard we can’t host a dinner party without me having residual orgasms as a result.”

“Tall order.”

“I have faith,” Newt says, shoving the lube into his hand.

Hermann smirks at him and then slides off the table. He pats Newt’s leg and coaxes him off the table and onto wobbly legs. The second Newt’s feet hit the floor Hermann grabs hold of him and whirls him around. Newt gasps as Hermann takes his hips and presses them against the hard surface of the table. Newt holds the edges tightly and feels his vision go just the slightest bit white.

“You’re lucky this is a good leg day,” Hermann says softly, baring his teeth against Newt’s neck. “Or else I wouldn’t bother to entertain your blatant acts of insubordination.”

Newt whines from the back of his throat and pushes back against Hermann. Hermann takes his time preparing Newt, slowly dragging his finger in and out of him as Newt sobs and pleads against the tabletop. He only adds a second finger when Newt is good and red in the face. When he adds the third Newt screams and has to grab his cock and squeeze to keep from coming.

“Oh, how devastating,” Hermann mock-pouts. “What would you do if I just left you like this? What if I just left you here, empty and full all at the same time, all dressed up with nowhere to go?”

“You’re just as hard as I am,” Newt says against the cool wood, his voice ragged and spent.

“Knowing you, you’d come and suck me off even if I didn’t deserve it,” Hermann grins to himself. “You have too much love in you, you know that, darling?”

“Not at the moment,” Newt snarls.

Hermann huffs out a laugh and extracts his fingers to unbuckle his belt and relieve himself from his trousers. Newt gasps for air as he hears the noise and nearly falls off the table when Hermann finally pushes inside of him. He claws at the table top and Hermann sneers at him.

“Don’t ruin the varnishing, you absolute prat, it’s not even a day old!”

Newt gasps out a laugh and pushes back on Hermann. He grunts painfully before saying, “I love it when you talk dirty.”

“Shut up,” Hermann huffs and thrusts back into him roughly. Newt howls and scrapes at the tabletop.

Hermann thrusts into him with such force that Newt is moaning and groaning and yelling every time. He digs his nails into Newt’s hips and leans over him to bite roughly into the skin on his shoulder and neck. Newt yelps and cries but gives as good as he takes. He moves back every time Hermann pulls back again, using the table as leverage to meet every slam of Hermann’s hips with vigor.

“More, more, more, more, more,” he begs softly. His voice is muffled but still desperate.

Hermann obliges, good on his word. Bruises start to form under his harsh grip and Newt’s voice strains more and more with each thrust.

“I’m gonna fucking come, Hermann,” Newt says through gritted teeth.

Hermann hums approvingly into the strong muscle of Newt’s back and only picks up his pace. “Then do it, Newton. You’re all bloody talk.”

Newt moans and grabs tight hold of the table when Hermann reaches around and strokes him until his vision goes white and the tabletop goes foggy with Newt’s cries of ecstasy. Hermann’s not far behind him, biting Newt’s colorful skin so hard that it’ll be sure to leave a mark for a few days.

They collapse onto the table and stay there for a few minutes before Newt shoves Hermann off him and turns around to lazily mop the come off of him and the table with his tee shirt.

“That was fucking _unreal_ , man,” Newt says, smiling at the way Hermann’s mouth twitches as Newt’s tee shirt rubs over his cock.

“Enjoy it,” Hermann opens his eyes to glare at him. “Because it was the first and last time we ever engage in anything like _that_ again. Look at the mess you’ve made!”

Newt traces the marks he’d made from scratching the wood too violently with affection. “I think it gives the place _character_.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Hermann scoffs, but he kisses him anyway.

…

“Have you ever had boyfriends before?” Newt whispers one restless night into the pillow next to him. He lies still for a few moments before flipping over on his side to face Hermann.

Hermann sniffs sleepily, refusing to open his eyes, and whispers back, “Now, Newton?”

“I can’t sleep, man.”

“Of course I have. You have too. It’s fair, I believe, to say that we’ve both had our fair share of romantic…entanglements.”

“I know that, man, obviously I know that,” Newt rolls his eyes. “I’m not naïve enough to believe I was your first or any of that lame shit like that. You’re Hermann Gottlieb: Sex God. Plus, you’re way too good of a kisser for me to have been your first. You’re on, like, romance novel level shit, I swear to god.”

“Is this arriving at a point any time soon?” Hermann asks, his voice weary with exhaustion. Even in the darkness Newt can see Hermann’s adorable cheeks starting to blush a light pink.

“I was just like—curious, y’know. Since we’re living together now, obviously this is serious and all. And I just realized—well not _just_ realized, but it just came to me in this particularly convenient moment in time—this is my first Real Relationship or whatever. I’ve been with other people and stuff but I’ve never, like. I’ve never been serious with anyone. Anyone else, I mean.”

“I am the same,” Hermann concedes. “I’ve been with others, but never this intimately.”

“Never lived with anybody?” Newt asks, and he can’t place exactly the pit of nervousness that wells up in his stomach.

“Only you, my darling,” Hermann says gently and takes Newt’s chin in his thumb and forefinger to pull him into a slow, insistent kiss. “Always only you.”

“I’ve never lived with anyone and you’ve always lived alone,” Newt laughs softly. “What a pair, huh?”

“Go to sleep, Newton.”

“You’re, like, my first everything,” Newt says absently, tracing shapes and patterns into the soft skin on the inside of Hermann’s wrist. “If I could, Herms, are you listening? If I could, I’d go back in time and make for certain you were my first kiss.”

“That’s lovely, Newton.”

“I’d go back to eighth grade and smack old Newty McJunior in the face and say, see that girl Cynthia? With the blonde hair and gap in her teeth? She’s gonna kiss you and then turn around and kiss that blockhead Max Wallis the next day. Save yourself, old buddy old pal. Wait just a mere ten years and you’ll have the hottest, smartest dude on the planet who gives blowjobs that’ll make you go blind.”

“Newton. Honestly.”

“Hermann Gottlieb, my first everything,” Newt sighs contently and snuggles his face into the front of Hermann’s worn tee shirt. Hermann wraps an arm around Newt’s waist, dragging him in close. “Oh, Hermann Gottlieb,” he teases, “Hermann Gottlieb, whatta dream. Hermann Gottlieb, whatta hunk. Hermann Gottlieb, my first love.”

Hermann feels Newt tense in his arms and his heartbeat start to quicken. Newt squirms a little bit before swearing under his breath and burying his face further into Hermann’s shirt.

“Fuck. Hermann. That’s not what I meant,” Newt swears. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“Hush,” Hermann shushes him. He cards a hand through Newt’s messy hair and pulls his head back so Newt can look at him. He leans in and kisses him. “I know.”

“I don’t love you,” Newt says into Hermann’s mouth, his lips trembling just the slightest. “I promise.”

“I know,” Hermann promises back. He kisses Newt until they both forget, or at least can pretend to. Newt climbs over Hermann and apologizes thoroughly for something that requires no consolation. Hermann guides him to sleep in the only way he knows how, in a lull of soothing voices and careful hands and forgiving lips. Newt’s whole body hums against Hermann’s and he clutches him tightly, as if petrified that he’ll get up and walk out if he doesn’t. And so they fall together in an entanglement of timid embrace, not unlike how they tend to hold each other these days, drifting to sleep in the soft haze of lie upon lie upon lie upon lie.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to me for not updating in like, 2 months. i thought the summer would make me a more dedicated writer but unsurprisingly i have become lazier than ever

Winter break comes and goes, and to Newt’s remorse (and visible pouting), Hermann has to return back to his busy schedule of student and teaching life.

Newt finds himself bored and uninterested in all the things that once excited him when Hermann’s not around. He mopes around the house ignoring his agent’s calls and only sometimes replying to Mako’s concerned texts.

When Hermann returns home from work Newt does everything he can to hide the fact that he’s disastrously bored and unfulfilled. He rushes around the house and makes Hermann dinner every night and kisses him the second he walks through the door. He makes it his mission not to burden Hermann any more than his already needy nature has done.

Even though Newt never says anything about it point-blank, Hermann can tell a difference in his demeanor. When he had first met Newt, he was always full of energy and naïve adoration. Even behind his forced boisterous attitude, Hermann can see how lackluster his eyes have become and notices his constant mood swings with all-consuming worry. It starts a horrible cycle of Newt doing everything he can not to bother Hermann and Hermann thus becoming even more worried at Newt’s dishonesty and Newt becoming doubly worried at Hermann’s worry. It’s both dizzying and impenetrable.

As much as Hermann hates to see Newt suffer, he’s too busy to do anything more than silently hate it. Between school, as both a teacher and student, and getting all the shifts he can from Pacific Printed to keep up with his small portion of rent, he’s barely getting enough sleep as it is.

“You know, you don’t have to keep working at the bookstore,” Newt says one night when Hermann almost falls asleep on his dinner. “I’ve got enough money to cover us both and then some. Plus with that new album I have coming out soon—I just don’t want you to overwork yourself, Herms.”

Hermann’s fork clatters sharply on his plate. “I have told you time and time again, I do not require a caretaker, Newton. I have been perfectly capable of taking on my responsibilities years before I met you, and I will be perfectly capable of taking on my responsibilities long after you’re gone.”

Newt stares at him for a long time before saying quietly, “Long after I’m gone?”

Hermann closes his eyes tightly and clenches his teeth. “That’s not what I meant. I apologize.”

“I’m gonna sleep in the living room tonight,” Newt says and stands up to take his dish into the kitchen. “I’ll be on the couch if you need me.”

“Newton,” Hermann calls, but Newt doesn’t look back. Hermann sighs and rubs his eyes with his palms until he sees stars.

…

“How are things?” Mako asks tentatively on the other end of the phone.

“I miss you guys,” Newt sighs. He throws an arm over his eyes and falls back onto his bed. “Things are…kind of a mess here. Not totally, just—same old story, ‘Newt Fucks Everything Up, Surprising Literally No One’.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

“We haven’t slept together in a week.”

“That’s normal, though.”

“Not for us.”

“I’m sure you’re both just very busy.”

“It’s more than that…” Newt runs a hand through his hair. “The last time we did…I said something kinda…”

“Gross, Newt.”

“No, not anything like—I told him I loved him.”

“Oh. That’s…good?”

“No, it’s not. It’s awful. It’s a fucking disaster.”

“Well, do you?”

“What? Love him?”

“Yes.”

“No. Maybe. Yes. No. I don’t know.”

“That doesn’t sound like a ‘no’ to me.”

“I don’t know. I don’t wanna think about that. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since it happened.”

“Talk to him about it.”

“I can’t. I’d be mortified. I’m still not even sure what we are. Like, I know what we _are_ ; I call him my boyfriend and he calls me his, but, like. What is it, past that? I can see myself, like, buying a house with this guy in the suburbs, getting a cat with him, even though I am clearly more of a dog person, according to Vogue…letting him talk me out of getting a komodo dragon…buying him tacky sweaters for Christmas…you know how I feel about kids and marriage and all that, Mako, but for him? I’d take his last name if he asked me. I’d change my _entire_ name if he asked me. If he said he was partial to the name Galileo Galilei I’d change my name in a heartbeat. If he said he liked fucking Limp Bizkit I’d drop Kaiju Blue in a second and become the lead fucking singer. I’ve never felt like this before. If I lost him I think I’d just cease to exist. I think I’d forget how to breathe. It’s only been a few months but I already can’t remember what my life was like before him. That’s _insane_. I can’t even imagine saying any of that to him. But that’s the question: does that make it just another one of my nonsensical romantic inclinations? Or does that make it realer than anything else I’ve ever felt preceding this moment? And either way, is it healthy for me to be terrified out of my _fucking mind_?”

“I don’t know, Newt,” Mako says after a long stretch of silence. “I can’t even begin to understand.”

“I didn’t think so,” Newt exhales dejectedly. “Thanks for listening to my insane rambles, anyhow.”

“You’ll be fine, sweetheart,” Mako says, and Newt resents the pity in her voice, but still knows it is not unwarranted. “I’ll always be here for you. We all will. You know that.”

“I know. Thanks, Mako. Say hi to everyone for me.”

“Of course. Good luck.”

“Thanks. You, too.”

They both hang up, not quite sure of what the other means.

…

“He said he loved me.”

“He _what_?” Vanessa screeches, nearly spitting her coffee all over the café floor. She turns and waves an apology at the other customers for the noise before turning back to Hermann. “You’re joking. It’s only been a few months. What did you say?”

“He sidestepped and took it back so quickly, I couldn’t say anything.”

“Is this why you haven’t had sex in over a week?”

“ _Vanessa_.”

“What? I can’t pretend like I haven’t noticed. You’ve had a stick up your butt since school started, and not the kind of stick you need, dear.”

“How can you say such horrendous things in such a maternal tone?”

“Years of practice,” she says nonchalantly. “Did you guys ever talk about it?”

“God, no. I don’t even know how to take that kind of thing.”

“He’s clearly in love with you. He has been ever since he met you. It’s obvious.”

“In what way is it _obvious_?”

“Google yourself, Hermann. There are pictures of your little first date everywhere. He might as well be floating on a cloud with cartoon hearts in his eyes when he’s around you. He’s so in love with you _he_ doesn’t even totally understand it yet.”

“But you do.”

“I know everything. I thought that was clear by now.”

“You become increasingly irritating every time I meet with you.”

“And yet I remain your best and only friend,” she raises an eyebrow as she takes a sip of coffee. “What does that say about you?”

“What, indeed,” he grumbles behind his styrofoam cup.

…

When Hermann comes home after an extra shift at Pacific Printed one night, Newt is sitting at the dining room table waiting for him.

“I think we should talk,” he says, and Hermann’s heart feels like it sinks all the way to the floor.

“Talk about what?”

“Can you sit down, please?”

Hermann takes a seat at the table across from Newt. Newt sighs and bows his head.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he continues solemnly. Hermann opens his mouth to say something, but he can’t will the words to push their way past his throat. “We haven’t slept in the same bed for a week, and we’ve been driving each other crazy nonstop for two. I haven’t been able to even go outside in days because my anxiety about us is having serious consequences on my mental health. I’m nervous to be around you, Hermann. That’s not good.”

“I don’t understand,” Hermann chokes out.

“My album’s dropping in just a month,” Newt declares. “I can’t handle the press and the shows and the deals—like this. Like I am now. I thought I could, but this is taking a toll on me like I never thought it would. I think we may have rushed into things. I think moving in together was a mistake.”

“It was _your_ idea,” Hermann protests.

“I know, I know, and I have no delusions that it’s anyone else’s but my own mistake. I’m an impulsive, sensitive person with constant mood swings and a fragile emotional state. It’s my own fault for jumping into things with you before letting you see all that.”

“I know all that, Newton,” Hermann says and leans forward to cradle Newt’s hands in his own. “I’m fine with that—with you. You know that.”

“But that’s not _enough_ ,” Newt snatches his hands away, even though the look it leaves on Hermann’s face makes his chest hurt and his jaw clench. “You’re gonna get sick of this, you already are starting to, I can tell. And then you’re gonna leave and—I don’t know what I’d do then. It’s better this way. It’s better for us to just stop now before we seriously get hurt.”

“A two week rough patch and you want to give up? Honestly?”

“I’m really, really sorry, Herms. I just think we need a break.”

“You’re a coward.”

Newt feels tears sting the corners of his eyes. “I talked to Tendo already. I have a flight to LA in the morning. I’ll sleep in a hotel tonight, obviously. I’ll keep paying for the apartment and anything else you need. I’m really sorry to put you in this position, I know you think I’m lying, but I’m not, I swear to God, I’m not.”

“Don’t bother. Sell the fucking place. I don’t care. I don’t want it. I don’t need your charity.”

“I’m not trying to say goodbye, Hermann, I just think that the best thing for both of us is to find out who we are. To see if this would even work outside of this perfect little vacuum we’ve created for ourselves. Meet new people, see new places—”

“Meet new people?” Hermann asks and Newt can see rueful heartbreak in his eyes. “You want to meet new people?”

“Obviously I don’t want to, but—”

“You can cancel your hotel room,” Hermann laughs bitterly and stands up so quickly his chair almost falls back and his leg throbs unforgivingly. “I’ll find somewhere else to sleep tonight. Wouldn’t want to get in your way in case you wanted to start broadening your horizons sooner rather than later.”

“Hermann—no—fuck—please don’t,” Newt chases after him as he storms into the bedroom to get a change of clothes. “It’s late.”

“I’ll call a cab.”

“Hermann, please. I don’t want to end things like this. Can’t we just talk a little bit more?”

“We’ve already talked long enough. I have nothing else to say.”

“But _I_ do! God, can’t you just think about someone else other than yourself for once—”

“ _That’s_ a bloody _laugh_!” Hermann screeches. “Write that one down, Mr. Geiszler, people will retell that one for years to come!”

“You’re so fucking stubborn. You’re ridiculous.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“Call me when you get there, at least, so I know you’re okay!” Newt calls out just as Hermann slams the door shut. He collapses on the sofa and presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, willing the tears to dissipate on their own.

He has no such luck.

…

Newt stays up two more hours even though he knows it only takes one to get to Vanessa’s.

**at least send a text** , he types angrily into his phone. **you’re stubborn, not a total asshole. just give me some indication you’re okay so i can go to bed without worrying.**

He waits several minutes for a reply before angrily throwing on his coat, fully intending on roaming the streets of New York yelling Hermann’s name, if that’s what it takes. Just as he puts his hands on the doorknob, he hears a faint ring from his pocket.

_Have a nice flight, Newton._

Newt doesn’t sleep a wink that night.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updating my fic??????????? in less than two months time????????????? this is either a miracle or a total disaster, only time will tell

“So, what, you’re just never gonna talk to him again?”

“Need I remind you that that is my exact specialty? See: my father, nearly all of my siblings, every person I knew during my formative years in England.”

“Right, right. I forgot how much you love to brag about how miserable you are.” Vanessa rolls her eyes and looks around the giant dining room. “At least you got this amazing place out of that whole ordeal. And a _great_ story to make the next guy who tries to hit on you feel inadequate.”

“Screw this place,” Hermann scowls. “I’m getting rid of it.”

“Getting rid of it?” Vanessa raises an eyebrow. “Is that why you’ve barely left it since Newt left and are still wearing his clothes?”

Hermann flushes and crosses his arms over his novelty tee shirt clad chest. “I don’t know what you’re implying.”

“Just _call_ him,” she pleads. “You’re not being strong-willed, you’re just being stubborn and self-destructive. He said he wanted to take a break, not fall off the face of the earth.”

“Then why hasn’t he called?” he demands roughly.

Vanessa looks taken aback before shaking her head and clucking her tongue disapprovingly. “Oh, Hermann Gottlieb,” she sighs. “You truly are the saddest, most clueless man on the planet.”

…

“Hey, buddy,” Tendo says, tiptoeing gently into the dark room. “It’s your good old dad, Tendy, here. Wanna go outside and throw the ball around, son? Maybe we can build a model car together?”

“No, Tendo,” Newt mumbles into his pillow. “I’m too heartbroken to do the whole dad-and-son sitcom trope bit today.”

“Jesus Christ,” Tendo huffs and drops down heavily on the end of the Newt’s bed. “Do you even know how pathetic you are right now?”

“Not now, Tendo,” he groans.

“It’s been two weeks and you haven’t left your old room once. Come on, dude, this is getting sadder and sadder by the day. If you miss him so much, just give him a call. We have telephones, you know.”

“No.”

“Why the hell not? You told him you just wanted a break, right? You didn’t fake your death or anything.” Tendo pauses for a few seconds before inquiring anxiously, “Please tell me you didn’t fake your death again.”

“I told him I wanted a break and he told me he wanted me dead,” Newt whines. “In not as many words, but that was essentially what I took away from the discussion.”

“You’re acting like a baby. Just call him, tell him you didn’t mean it, and you’ll see him again in a few weeks.”

“But that’s the thing, Tendo,” Newt says, jolting up from his fortress of pillows and blankets. “I _did_ mean it. That’s the worst part. As bad as being away from him is, being near him was so much worse, y’know?”

“You literally might as well be speaking in tongues.”

“When I’m away from him it’s like—it’s like detoxing, right? But when I’m near him, he’s like a drug. Every time he’s near me I’m so high I feel like I can’t come down, but then he leaves, if only just for a moment, and I crash so hard I forget what it’s like not to be in a constant nose dive. That sort of connection is more than I can handle. I’m attached to him in a way that fucking terrifies me. It’s not healthy, it can’t be. I had to go to rehab after feeling that sort of attachment. Except now, no one’s giving me an intervention for having the perfect boyfriend. Being around him is like nothing else, and that scares the shit out of me. Because once you have something like that, what happens when you might have to go without it one day?”

Tendo stares at him for a few seconds before saying slowly, like he’s a child, “Newt.” He blinks a few times and his lips curl up slightly as he continues. “That’s the oldest fucking affliction in the book. That’s not even in the book—that’s on the fucking _warning label_. This is nothing novel, darling. You have the romantic equivalent to the common cold. You have commitment issues. You’re not addicted to him. You’re in _love_ , angelcakes.”

Newt throws the covers off to glare at Tendo menacingly. “Do I have to, like, fire you to get you out of my room?”

“Oh, Newt,” Tendo sighs, patting him on the leg gently before pushing himself off the bed. “You couldn’t fire me if you tried.”

Newt misses hitting him in the head with a pillow by only an inch, but resolves that it’s the thought that counts.

…

“Mako called this morning,” Mr. Pentecost says after a long, silent morning of organizing books with Hermann at his side. Hermann almost falls in shock at the sudden conversation. Pentecost rarely ever spoke when it wasn’t necessary or made polite small talk. It was one of Hermann’s favorite things about being under his employ. He looks up at Mr. Pentecost with wide, unblinking eyes and his mouth agape in astonishment. “She said that Mr. Geiszler was back in California. In his old residence.” Pentecost checks the book over casually and carefully never makes eye contact with Hermann to preserve the nonchalant tone of the conversation. “May I assume that there may be a hint of trouble in the Geiszler-Gottlieb household?”

“You may assume whatever you wish, sir.”

“I’m not trying to pry, Mr. Gottlieb,” Pentecost chuckles good-naturedly. “You’re a good man. I don’t doubt that. I trust you to handle your own romantic entanglements with grace. No, it’s more Mr. Geiszler I’m worried about. I’ve known him a long time, since before my Mako could even drive. He doesn’t have the same sort of composure and stability that you do. I admit, I tend to worry about him from time to time. I think of him almost as a second son. I’d never seen him as happy with himself as he was when he was with you. It made me very happy. I care about him immensely. Though I hope he never lets on—the smug bastard would never let me live it down.”

“You can trust your secret with me,” Hermann promises, smiling to himself slightly. After a second he continues, in a more sober cadence, “I care about him, too.”

“That’s good. That’s the first step.” Pentecost nods wisely. “Herc and I have been together for almost twenty years. Family is the most important thing, Mr. Gottlieb. Never lose sight of that. Even if your family is just you and one other person—whatever makes you happy. That’s the most important thing.”

“I’ll remember that, Mr. Pentecost,” Hermann agrees quietly.

“I have faith in you, son,” Pentecost says and claps him hard on the shoulder. “You two will work this out. I’m sure of it.”

“I’m glad one of us is,” Hermann mutters to himself bitterly under his breath as Pentecost leaves him to his work.

…

“Newt, maybe you shouldn’t be drinking so much,” Mako worries, clutching the glass in Newt’s hand.

“Relax, Mako,” Newt grumbles. “This is my last glass, I swear to god. I’ve only had two.”

“Newt,” Mako warns sternly.

“Okay, okay. You’re right. Here, take the bottle. Hide all of it. Give it to Tendo. And if I ask you for any more, cut me off. Break my guitar in half if you have to, I’m not kidding.”

Mako smiles and follows his orders.

“You’re a good kid, Mako,” Newt sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose. “I dunno what I’d do without you.”

“Neither do I.”

“Hey, hey. I get to say that. You don’t.”

Mako giggles and settles down next to him on the couch.

“You tell your dad about all this?” he asks tenuously, hiding behind misplaced locks of hair that have fallen in his eyes. She nods apologetically and he groans. “God, your dad already thinks I’m such a _loser_.”

“No, he doesn’t,” she insists.

“Yeah, he does,” he whines. “Dude met me in a fucking rehab center, and now I’m the reason his only employee’s sulking around the shop. I’m just a loser who couldn’t graduate college and can’t go outside and now I’m infecting everyone he loves with my dumb loser-ness.”

“Don’t say that,” Mako pleads, and Newt stops only because she sounds absolutely heartbroken. “He loves you. He’s more grateful than anything for all you’ve done for us. He tells me all the time how lucky I am to know someone so respectable and talented and self-possessed and intelligent. He adores you. He just has a funny way of showing it, you know that.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry. Drinking makes me all boring and self-effacing. Was a bad idea.”

“It’s alright. You’re going through a lot.”

“No more self-pity,” Newt announces, determined. He sits up straighter and lifts his chin. We’re done with that. I’m sick of that. I’m bored of it. No more being a sad, old, dull spinster with nothing to offer.”

“You should probably tell your face that,” Chuck says with a cocky smirk as he strides into the room. Raleigh follows behind him and gives him a light shove.

“Don’t say that,” Raleigh snarls.

Chuck glares at him menacingly before cocking his head and squinting at him. “You gonna stop me, tough guy?”

“Enough,” Raleigh rolls his eyes and settles down into an arm chair. Chuck stares at him a few moments longer before reluctantly admitting defeat and taking a seat across from him. They continue to stare at each other, both daring the other to give up and neither willing to back down.

Newt raises an eyebrow and turns to Mako, confused.

“After the initial starstruck hero worship wore off, Raleigh stopped acting as Chuck’s servant and started pushing him around more,” Mako whispers in explanation. “Chuck pretends like he hates it, but it’s exactly what he needs, at least I think so. That’s why Raleigh’s lasted so much longer than all the other assistants. Chuck hates him but firing him would be admitting defeat.”

“So the sex is insane, then?”

“It’s ridiculous. You can’t take them anywhere.”

“Shut up!” Chuck and Raleigh both bark before looking at each other and blushing and averting their gaze. Newt and Mako quietly giggle together.

“The infamous NEWT. lives to see another day!” Tendo announces as he bursts through the doors with his wife, Allison, on his arm. “He’s out of his cave, ladies and gents.”

“You’re a goddamn riot, Tendo.”

“Just thank your lucky stars I’m not quitting PR to take up comedy,” Tendo grins smugly. “No, but seriously. We should celebrate. The bachelor’s back!” Allison elbows him sharply in the ribs. “Ow, what the hell?”

“What he _means_ is,” Allison says through bared teeth. “We’re glad to see you out and about again, Newt. How’re you feeling?”

“Er,” Newt squirms in his seat uncomfortably. “Better. I guess.”

“That’s good, then, right?” Tendo beams. “The prodigal son returns!”

“At his own pace,” Allison jumps in.

“We should go out,” Chuck suggests. “The Kaidanovskys have that giant liquor cabinet full of non-FDA approved shit. I suggest we get dangerously trashed and maybe mend Newt’s broken heart with all the twinks we can pick up on the way.” He winks at Newt. “Just lookin’ out for you, bud.”

“The best thing to do to forget about a breakup is to rebound,” Raleigh agrees. “Remember that there are other people out there and all that.”

Tendo spreads out his arms and grins at Newt with his eyebrows. “Whaddaya say, Newt? Sounds fun, right?”

Allison hangs her head in her hands and sighs beside him. “You’re all idiots,” she murmurs.

“Guys,” Newt says slowly and carefully, “I wanna get one thing clear, okay? Hermann and I are, as of now, _not_ broken up. We’re on a break. As in, present tense. No past tense whatsoever. Nothing is final. So no, I _don’t_ want to spend however much time I’ll be spending here ‘banging twinks’ or ‘getting dangerously trashed’. This time is supposed to be about reflection, alright? I’m supposed to be giving myself and him space. The last thing I wanna do is forget about him.”

The room is silent for a minute before Chuck scoffs and rolls his eyes. “You are so lame, guy.”

“Sorry,” he replies unapologetically.

Tendo stares at him, confused, and speaks with new respect for his old friend. “Newt,” he says, and Newt looks up at him innocently with those soft eyes of his, “I was joking before about you and him, you know that, but…you actually really do love this guy, don’t you?”

Newt shrugs and slumps back into the couch. He looks down at his hands.

The group falls into silence at the newfound realization, unsure of how to broach this unprecedented situation. They all look at each other for a clue before realizing that none of them know exactly what to do. In the end, it’s Mako that has the last word.

“Everything’s going to work out, Newt,” she says softly. “I promise.”

He nods and smiles at her, and even when as takes her hand in his she knows that he doesn’t really believe her.

…

Hermann sits at the foot of Vanessa’s bed where she’s passed out, limbs flailing out in all directions. He slips onto the floor gracelessly, cradling a bottle of cheap wine in his lap. He taps the same 10 numbers into the keypad of Vanessa’s phone over and over again, the only number he has memorized other than hers.

He’d tried calling Newt earlier, he really had, but Vanessa had noticed the vengeful glint in his eye and the way his innocuous, careless tipsiness had quickly turned into an angry, all-consuming intoxication and taken his phone away and hid it before he could get the chance. When she finally fell asleep he snuck her phone away and stared at it for a long time, typing the numbers in and then deleting them as quickly as he had begun.

He takes a big swig of the bottle that burns the back of his throat and presses the dial button with conviction. His heart pounds in his chest as the phone rings.

He almost drops the phone when he hears a scratchy, sleep-heavy voice on the other end answer groggily, “Hello?”

He finds himself surprised at the fact that Newt is asleep when it’s only 11 in California before he recalls that when he was with Newt he would coerce him into going to sleep as early as 10 in the hopes of putting him on some sort of healthy sleeping schedule. A smile crosses over his face before he can stop it at the idea of Newt keeping up his rituals like he’s still right there with him.

“Hello?” Newt demands, drawing Hermann out of his dreamy state. “Who is this?”

Hermann hangs up the phone and hastily erases the call logs and powers the phone down for good. He buries his head in his arms and falls asleep like that, at the foot of his best friend’s bed with her phone in his hand and helpless scorn in his torn heart.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this is like, super short, sorry sorry sorry, i guess i just want to get the conflict all over and done with as soon as possible so i can get back to the mushy gushy stuff and stop indulging my inner angst. hopefully i'll be able to get a few more installments in before school starts back up again.........i probably shouldnt be doing this instead of my summer coursework but, eh, whatever, senioritis starts freshman year i guess

“If you keep making students cry, at some point we’re gonna get the dean called on us,” Vanessa raises an eyebrow from her desk at Hermann across the small office as the door slams shut behind a distressed pupil.

“It’s hardly my fault that their grades are subpar at best,” Hermann sneers. “They should have asked help before they failed.”

“Well we can’t all be Hermann Gottlieb: Math Supergenius,” Vanessa mocks as she crosses the room to lean against his desk. “Speaking of your startlingly surprising lack of emotional intelligence, how’s the love life going, Gottlieb?”

“Spectacular as always,” he snaps, typing furiously. Vanessa rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.

“Is that why I found an unknown number that _I_ certainly don’t remember dialing in my call log four times in a row this morning?”

Hermann’s hands freeze over the keyboard before carefully resuming. “You were quite intoxicated last night.”

“So a certain someone didn’t sneak away with my phone in the middle of the night and in the midst of a drunken stupor go against my direct guidance and call up a certain rock star ex-boyfriend even though he _full well_ _knows_ how horrific of an idea that is?”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about it.”

“Do at least try to not be so painfully tragic, darling,” Vanessa sighs and pats his shoulder before leaving for the door. “The color has never looked all too good on you.”

…

“You’re _sure_ you don’t want to go out?” Tendo asks him again.

“Yes, Tendo. My answer hasn’t changed in the last five seconds.”

“It’s just—it’s hard to believe, is all. You used to be such a party hound. Now you barely leave the house.”

“I’m comfortable here. I know where everything is. Besides, I can’t just leave; school started a month ago. What if Mako needs help with her work? What if something needs to be done around the house? What if—”

“You miss a phone call?” Tendo raises an eyebrow. Newt sighs in defeat. “Listen, man, I’m not trying to tell you to give up or lose hope or anything, but the fact is, it’s been weeks, and still not a peep. I don’t like seeing you pine over a guy who doesn’t even have the common courtesy to reach out.”

“Not _now_ , Tendo, for god’s sakes.”

“Then when, Newt? When are you gonna get over this and stop wallowing in your own self-pity and get back out there again?” Tendo shoves him lightly and Newt falls back onto the bed in exhaustion. “I’m not telling you to give up hope or whatever, I’m rooting for you two crazy kids, I really am, you know I am, but it’s just—if he hasn’t called by now, maybe it’s time to at least…consider calling him first?”

Newt’s head shoots up so fast Tendo wonders if he feels dizzy. “Have you lost your mind? I can’t call him!”

“You can’t call your own boyfriend? Stellar relationship that must be.”

“Yeah, well, if you haven’t noticed, I already _know_ it’s not. Hence why I’m here, thousands of miles away, instead of in our apartment watching shitty Netflix documentaries and guilting him into buying the extra buttery popcorn.”

“You are _so lame_ , man.”

“Go tell it to the rest of the band,” Newt scoffs. “God knows they’re all already very aware.”

“You’re depressing the hell out of me, Newtie Patootie,” Tendo sighs. “I’m gonna go home to my loving wife and beautiful daughter, and before you ask, _yes_ , that was a not-so-subtle hint. Call your fucking boyfriend, you sad old nerd.”

Newt swipes at him but he’s already slipping out of his room. Mako waves at Tendo as he leaves and leans against the doorway to Newt’s room, her big doe eyes peeking out of her thick black bangs sadly.

“You alright, Mako? You didn’t have a nightmare, did you?”

“Newton, it’s nine PM, and I’m twenty. I don’t get nightmares anymore,” she giggles and crosses the room to sit at the foot of his bed.

“I know that,” he pretends. “What’s up?”

“What’s up with _you_?” she insists. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m awesome, Mako. I’m Superman, remember?” He puffs up his cheeks and flexes his biceps. “Look at that. Pure muscle, that is. Give me a car to lift, I swear, I’ll do it this time.”

“Newt,” she frowns and places a hand on his. “You don’t have to pretend to be okay for me.”

“What? I’m not. What are you—what?”

“It’s just,” she chews on the inside of her cheek, “I’m not a kid anymore. You don’t have to watch out for me or be brave for me anymore. I know this stuff with Hermann isn’t easy.”

“I don’t wanna bother you with this stuff, Mako,” Newt shifts in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. He avoids eye contact and she purses her lips together.

“You aren’t bothering me by talking to me, Newton.”

“Yeah, I know you think that now, but,” he sighs and buries his head in his hands. “It’ll open a whole can of worms, Mako, trust me, you don’t wanna get tangled up in all of this.”

“Of course I do,” she says, and Newt looks into her big, brown eyes for the first time and he actually feels the wind being knocked out of him. She’s so young and bright and so, so much more intelligent than he could ever dream to be and it makes his eyes well up because he loves her so much. He doesn’t see himself ever having kids or a family of his own but if this is as close as he gets, god, he’ll take it. If she’s the only family he’ll ever know that’s more than okay with him, as long as she keeps holding his hand like this and talking in that sweet, innocent, soothing tone of hers. This is as close to a daughter he’ll ever get, he thinks, as he angrily wipes a tear away from his eye. Even if Hermann never speaks to him again, that’s okay, he reasons, because he has Mako, and that’s all he’ll ever really need, in the end.

“Mako,” he says, his voice shaky and his hands trembling, “Mako, you know I love you more than anything, right? You know you’re like, the sun and the moon and the stars and all that shit to me, right?”

Her eyes are wet too, now, and that just makes him cry harder because he hates that he made Mako, his Mako, feel this way but he knows it’s all for the best in the end. “Of course I do, Newt,” she chokes out and draws him into a tight hug. “I love you, too.”

“No more acting like this, I promise,” he sobs against her shoulder. “We’re going out tomorrow, okay? We’re going out to dinner and drinks and dancing, if you want, or whatever it is you kids do nowadays.”

“That sounds fun,” she laughs and wipes at her eyes.

“It’s gonna be, Mako, I swear,” he grabs her shoulders tightly and forces the biggest smile he can muster. “We’re gonna have some good, wholesome fun that none of the tabloids can get ahold of and subsequently get me annihilated by your terrifying Robocop of a father.”

She laughs and throws her arms around him again. “Thank you, Newt,” she whispers as she rests her head on his shoulder.

“Don’t even mention it,” he says, smiling to himself. He realizes that this is the first time he’s really felt at home since he’s gotten home, and that just makes him smile even harder.

Mako falls asleep on his shoulder as they watch _Space Jam_ on his laptop and as the credits roll he takes a deep breath and reaches for his phone. If he doesn’t do it now, he knows he never will.

…

When Hermann wakes up the next morning, he sees his phone lighting up with One Missed Call. His heart thumps hard in his chest when he sees the familiar number glowing back at him on the screen.

He brings the phone to his ear with shaking hands and his breath catches in his throat when the familiar voice washes over him, like a wave gently flowing around him, hugging him tight before leaving him, cold and fragile and exposed.

“Hey, Hermann,” it whispers on the other end of the line, like he’s afraid of waking someone else up ( _What someone?_ Hermann’s mind rages with envy. _What someone? What someone? What someone what someone what—)_. “It’s, ah, like, nine PM here which means it’s…midnight there…you probably were just, uh, you know, sleeping. Or you ignored my call which—hah—yeah, nevermind, forget I said that. Not funny. I’m not very funny, but you already know that. Not my strong suit, as you always used to remind me. Ha. Whatever. Well, I just—I was just, uh, you know. Calling. To say hi. And to say I miss you. You don’t have to call back or anything, it’s, you know, it’s whatever. No pressure and all that. That’s not to say, _don’t_ call back. I’d love it if you called back. I’d totally love it. I miss your voice so much, you don’t even—sorry. God, I’m not good at this, am I? I—uh—okay. Just. To sum it up. Hello. I miss you. I hope you’re well. And…I hope to hear from you very soon. Again, no pressure. Tell Vanessa I say hi. Try not to kill your students.” Hermann laughs to himself. “Be good to yourself. You’re a good guy—an _amazing_ guy—and you deserve…so much more than I could ever give you. I see that now. Guess this is one of those rare times when ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ actually applies, huh? Right, right, right. You don’t have to tell me. Not funny. I keep forgetting. Anyway…if you never wanna see me again, that’s fine, I get that. But, uh, I just want you to know that really, truly, honestly—I wish you well. And I do hope you’re happy. Even if…even if that means your happy and my happy don’t coincide. So, uh. I don’t know. Bye, I guess.”

The line cuts off with a harsh beep and Hermann delicately holds the phone in his hand and stares at it with confusion, which quickly dissolves into rage.

What the hell was that?

Did Newton just break up with him?

Over a fucking _voicemail_?

The phone shatters to a thousand pieces as it connects with the wall directly opposite Hermann’s bed. He can’t even bring himself to pretend to care.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we can all just pretend like i havent totally just not updated this in almost 3 months at the most ridiculous cliffhanger plot point, right? i swear i had like half of this written but then i randomly got busy applying to colleges and pretending to be a good student and fighting the man. good thing i have horrendous conduct and a growing disinterest in drugs once again so i could spend my one day out of school suspension editing this shit. enjoy, i guess, if everyone hasnt already forgotten about this, that is

“You didn’t call me back,” Vanessa calls after him as she jogs to catch up with his unusually quick pace. “Hey, Hermann, slow down, will you? Don’t pull anything, for God’s sakes.” Hermann begrudgingly slows his pace to accommodate her, though it pains him, because he knows if he doesn’t she’ll just start running to make him accommodate her. “Did you hear me back there? I know you’re an old man at heart, but it’s still physically too early for you to be hard of hearing already. Unless, of course, you’re being impolite. Which I _know_ you wouldn’t do to me, your dearest friend who is so far the only person to consistently accept the _bullshit_ you put me through on a daily basis. _So_ ,” Vanessa quickly steps in front of Hermann and whirls around to stop him in his tracks. His cane stabs into the floor and he shuts his eyes, sighing in defeat. “Why don’t you tell me why you’ve been ignoring my calls and why you look like you’ve been crying all morning? Did you really think I wouldn’t notice, dear, you look like you’ve been run over by a bloody truck.”

“You know, most people are kind and consoling when a friend is in pain,” he snaps at her through clenched teeth.

“Yes, and most peoples’ friends aren’t total arseholes who ignore their friends’ well-meaning phone calls and think shoving their feelings under a rug is a healthy way to deal with heartbreak,” she retorts and drags him into their shared office before they can create even more of a scene. “Now, why don’t you act like an adult and tell your saintly, selfless, gorgeous, compassionate best friend what’s got a stick up your arse why the fuck you couldn’t even send a courtesy text to let her know that you weren’t dead in a ditch somewhere?”

“It’s hard to quell your insistent need for dramatics when one’s phone is smashed into little pieces.”

“You broke your phone?” she screeches, and he almost feels bad, before remembering that she’s not actually his mother; she just acts like it. “How on earth did that happen?”

“It’s actually quite easy to achieve, you’ll find, if you simply throw it against a wall. In my experience that seems to more or less do the trick.”

“You are a _child_ ,” she shouts and shoves him lightly before immediately grabbing him and stabilizing him and mumbling a second-nature apology under her breath. “Let’s try it in simple terms that even you can understand. Because you’re a child, get it? See, the bit carries on. It’s very three-dimensional. I’m quite proud of it. Why did you, Hermann Gottlieb, alleged genius with the emotional intelligence of a tantrum-throwing two-year-old, throw your _very expensive phone_ at a _fucking wall_?”

“Newton broke up with me,” he says in a small voice, looking down at the ground. He fights back tears with sharp nails digging into his palms and his teeth biting a hard mark into his lower lip. He breathes deeply and shuts his eyes tight, as if by blocking out all of his senses the rest of the world will just fall apart as well.

“Oh, Hermann,” she says breathily. She moves closer to place a soft hand on his cheek, which he instantly jerks away from. “Hermann, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“Don’t,” he growls. “I don’t have time to wallow in self-pity. I have a job to do, thank you very much.”

“Oh, what, so now you’re just going to throw yourself into your work after getting your heart torn apart? Real mature, Hermann, real groundbreaking stuff, you should start a fucking advice column, for Chrissakes, you’re the fucking Dalai Lama of Heartbreak Hotel.”

“I don’t want to talk about this, Vanessa,” he pleads and he sounds so weak, so she steps back and decides to cut him some slack.

“Okay. Alright. Fair enough. But,” she worries her bottom lip with her teeth. “What did he say? Like, what happened?”

“He told me on a fucking voicemail,” he laughs bitterly. “He couldn’t even wait for me to pick up the phone. He did it over _voicemail_.” He laughs again, and it hurts his throat so he stops, but he can feel the hysteria bubbling up in his chest and scratching at the confines of his mind so he has to shut his eyes and stabilize himself before he forgets where he is.

“Well, what did the voicemail say? Maybe I can help you through it.”

“I only listened to it once.” Which isn’t a lie. “I don’t remember what he said.” Which is a lie. A total fucking mind-blowing lie. _Your happy and my happy don’t coincide_ has been just about the only thing running through his mind all morning on a loop, not even pausing for a second to let another thought even nudge through.

“Okay,” she sighs and looks at the ground helplessly. “I don’t know—I’m sorry, Hermann. I’m very, very sorry. I know you really liked him.”

“Hardly.”

“I know he was important to you.”

“Only just,” he shrugs and his hand twitches at his side. “Only in the way things that are only barely necessary are important to you, like peppermint tea or an almost good novel. I’m fine, really. Never better. At least I know concretely where I stand with him. That’s what’s important.”

“Right,” she raises an eyebrow, unconvinced. “Well, when you eventually stumble upon your inevitable mental breakdown, I’ll be around. I’d say just a phone call away, but obviously that’s not on the table at the moment.” She pats his shoulder and kisses him on the cheek. “The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to be, darling.”

“You worry too much,” he says, letting his glasses intentionally slide down his nose to use his single inch of height to his advantage. “It is one of your more undesirable qualities, I must say.”

“Oh, gosh, you are so fucked,” she says, and she looks genuinely worried. “Which, consequently, means I’m fucked, too, because for some reason I decided to hitch my wagon onto the constantly indignant nerd freshman year like the idiot I am.”

“Don’t you have a class of students to bore with your nonsense?”

“We both do, in fact,” she gathers her things and moves to the door. She starts to open it for him but before he can walk through she blocks the doorway and sneers at him, looking him directly in the eye. “But don’t think I’ll be ignoring this obvious cry for help for long, Mr. Gottlieb. You’re full of shit, and it’s only a waste of time to act otherwise. I will break you, and trust me when I say,” she clenches her jaw with purpose, “it will not be fun for either of us. Because you can run from emotional trauma, but I’m sad to remind you that you can’t run from me.” She steps aside and stretches her arm out in front of her. “After you.”

He glares down at her for a moment before following her hand. That first step he takes through that door is the moment he knows for sure that he really is well and truly fucked.

…

“Newt?” Mako asks, peering over his shoulder and poking him for the thousandth time. “Newt?”

“Hm? What? Sorry.” Newt pockets his phone and ducks his head in shame.

“Checking your phone again?”

“No, no…I mean. Yes. Technically.” He pulls it out just an inch to peek at it again before shoving it deep back into his pocket. “I—I sort of. Called Hermann. Last night. After you went to sleep.”

“You _did_?” she asks, barely bothering to hide the excitement in her voice. “What happened? What did he say? What did _you_ say?”

“Nothing,” he says, trying to shrug it off. “He didn’t pick up. He was probably asleep. Whatever, it’s no big deal. I’m not worried about it.”

“Really? Because you look about ready to be swallowed whole by the couch to me.”

“That’s just my default setting,” he jokes half-heartedly. He bristles when she refuses to back down from the intense eye contact she’s dealing him and sighs a little in defeat. “I guess it’s just the _tiniest_ bit discouraging that he hasn’t called back yet.”

Mako hums and nods and slides in to sit next to him. She leans her head on his shoulder and wraps their arms together comfortingly. He leans into the touch gratefully and rests his head against the top of hers, happy to have some form of contact for the first time in weeks. He’s missed this, feeling close to someone, touching someone and being touched back, even in the most innocent of ways. He’s a very emotional person, which comes with its ups and downs, and constantly needing validation through physical displays of affection is not one of those things he’s particularly proud of. Mako makes him feel safe, though, at least. He knows that she’ll never mock or judge him for his feelings or sudden bursts of pathetic neediness. Mako is gentle and kind and comfortable in all the ways he so desperately craves.

“I miss him,” he confesses softly into the safe haven of her hair. “I just wish he missed me too.”

“He does,” she assures him with a squeeze to his arm. “I’m sure of it. Who wouldn’t miss someone like you?”

Newt smiles and bites back a sob as he pulls her tighter to him. “I’m so glad I have you, Mako.”

“I’m glad you have me, too,” she says gently in a way that makes Newt think he might not have been meant to hear.

He leaps off the couch and turns to her with his hands on his hips. “Okay. That’s enough sulking for one lifetime. C’mon, I promised you a day out and goddamnit, if nothing else, I keep my promises.” He pauses and follows up quickly, “Don’t tell your dad about anything that happens today.”

She leaps up clapping, her face breaking out into a wide smile. “All of our best adventures always start out like that.”

…

When he hears the doorbell once, he freezes and hopes that maybe, against all odds, he could actually trick Vanessa into believing he’s not home. When it buzzes again twice, he sighs and leans against the door. When it buzzes again five times, he gives up and presses on the intercom.

“Who is it?” he asks, as if he doesn’t already know.

“As if you’re flooded with incoming visitors, you fucking sod. Buzz me up or I’ll scale the bloody walls.”

He unlocks the door for her and flops back on the couch, like it’s some great tragedy. Vanessa all but kicks the door down, her arms loaded with an enormous bottle of whiskey and enough chocolate to make his mother go pale.

“Why, Hermann, thank you ever so kindly for doing something so simple as holding the door open for me. I _do_ have a lot on my plate, you are so keen for noticing. Don’t be silly, I’m not the best friend a sorry old mope could have! I’m just doing my duty, cheering up my good buddy, because he is _ever_ so good to me. What, this? Oh, this is just your favourite type of alcohol and chocolates, which I remember exactly to the brand name, no big deal, don’t think twice about it. Pay me back for it? Why, don’t be silly! It was only a measly fifty bucks out of my almost non-existent paycheck. All for my good heartbroken buddy, Hermann the German. Gosh, what a gentleman. What a man. What a guy! Thank god I’ve chosen you of all people to be my best friend, man of my platonic dreams, boy next door and the like. Whatever would I do without you, much less you without me?”

“Not that I am ever in the mood for your histrionics, per say, but I think you’ll find, and with good reason, that I am _especially_ not in the mood today of _all_ days, Vanessa.”

“Aw, Hermie,” she coos, and he winces at the familiar nickname that he can only now hear accompanied by a scratchy, melodic voice and mesmerizing blue-green eyes behind ridiculous crooked spectacles. She kneels by the couch he’s strewn across and takes his hand in hers. “Still all broken up?”

“I think you’ll find ‘mildly inconvenienced’ to be a better term.”

“That why you’re all holed up here, in his place?”

“It was _our_ place,” he says with quiet infuriation between gritted teeth.

“Oh,” she says, and lays her head down to rest on his torso. “I see.”

“I don’t want to stay here,” he tries to explain, “but I’ve nowhere else to go. And I’ve not been here for long, but I can’t shake the feeling that this place is home.”

Vanessa buries her head in his chest and they sit there in silence for a few moments.

“It comes to mind,” Hermann says, and her head raises to watch him intently, “the time when we were sophomores, and I was seeing a senior. Tom, do you remember Tom?”

“If that I could forget,” she snarls, her eyes glazed over with remnants of fury. “Snot nosed brat, never earned a goddamn thing for himself in his whole pathetic life.”

“Well, when I told him he was over, that I was done, he got angry. He tried to force me to…you know. Again. You remember that?”

She just glares at him, as if just the idea of it makes jaw clench and her skin crawl. “And?”

“ _And_ , I got away, and everything was fine, but when I told you, you left immediately. And the next day in Sociology Tom had bruises on his eye and couldn’t walk without a slight limp. And he never so much as looked at me the wrong way again.”

“Hermann, you know I don’t like to talk about this—”

“My point is, that there is conclusive evidence that when I get hurt, you get angry. Inconceivably angry. And in this case, I see no anger. Not even a trace. Only pity. My question is this: what’s different now, with him, than how it was with Tom?”

“I don’t know,” she shifts and chews on her bottom lip. “I guess it’s just…you’ve never been broken up with before, have you, Hermann?”

He purses his lips. “Not in the past.”

“See, you have a pattern,” she explains. “You get involved for pure animalistic urges. You use people, Hermann. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, because usually they’re using you, too. And then there are the assholes who don’t know ‘no’ from ‘yes’, and yes, in those cases, I get angry. But you weren’t using Newt, were you? You saw him, he liked you, you liked him, and he moved to New York for you, for Chrissakes. I guess the reason I’m not angry now is—when he left, did you even try to stop him?”

He folds his arms and looks away, which is all the answer she needs.

“You’re not used to people caring about you, Hermann,” she says softly, “which isn’t true, not really, because people care for you all the time, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, but you’re really just not used to caring back. The reason I’m not on the next flight to L.A. to kick his scrawny little rock star ass is because I can’t get mad at him for something that’s both of your faults.”

“He left me,” he cries. “And then broke up with me over voicemail!”

“And then you smashed your phone and didn’t even call him back to ask why.”

“This is ridiculous. I will not apologize for my good for nothing ex not even having the decency to look me in the eye and tell me it’s over. The only fault of mine was not realizing what a coward he was from the very start.”

“I guess this is over, then,” Vanessa sighs and stands up. “Whatever. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Hermann wasn’t humbled in an afternoon. You know how that goes.” She picks up the booze and chocolate. “Okay, so I have a documentary on the deep ocean and a documentary on space. Which do we watch making ourselves sick with chocolate and which do we watch drunk? Sorry, stupid question. Don’t even answer that. I already know.”

…

“No call yet?”

Newt shoves the phone back in his pocket. “Goddamn, Mako, I don’t even realize I’m doing it anymore.”

“I forgive you,” she sighs and sips at her drink.

“So, how was today’s adventure?” he says, slapping on a wide grin. “First time at a bar, eh? How’s it feel?”

“Newt, I turn twenty-one in two weeks. I’ve been to bars before. With you, in fact. Several times.”

“Not according to your father,” he says sternly. “And okay, but how many times have cute girls sent you drinks to your table?” He raises his glass to two girls who are staring at them and giggling to each other.

“Every time without fail,” Mako raises an eyebrow. She waves at the girls and they nearly faint right there. “And those drinks were for me.”

“Damn, Mako. What the hell. I leave for a few months and come back and all of a sudden you have better game than me?”

“All of a sudden,” she mocks him and hides her smile behind her glass.

“Yeah, but the zoo was pretty cool. Who else but your good old rock star pal could get you into the penguin exhibit at the last minute?”

“That was pretty cool,” Mako admits, unable to contain her child-like excitement.

“See! Look at that! I did something right for once. And maybe if _somebody_ wasn’t such a party-pooper, we’d have a few souvenirs to take back from our adventure.”

“Newt, I’ve told you before. We can’t steal penguins from the zoo.”

“But they’re so cute!” he pouts. “And they look so sad holed up in those little cages. I just wanna take ‘em home and build an ice compound and help train them to acclimate them into arctic life so we can set them free back in the wild.”

“Yes, I know all about your unfulfilled dreams concerning penguins,” Mako rolls her eyes.

“Well,” he frowns and stirs his drink with his straw absent-mindedly. “I guess ‘elaborate zoo heist’ will just have to be saved for our next adventure.”

Just as they’re about to get up to leave, a tall man with dark hair and brooding eyes that looks like the exact type to hang around this sort of trendy, gritty bar approaches them. He smiles lopsidedly and reminds Newt a little bit of a young James Dean.

“Hi,” he says, his voice light and breathy. “Sorry to bother you, but are you NEWT.?”

“Uh,” Newt ducks his head and looks at Mako for approval. She shrugs back at him. “Yeah. I guess I am, sort of.”

“Sort of?” the man smirks. “Well, I don’t mean to bother you, but I am such an incredible fan of yours. And I was wondering, perhaps, if I could even get your number?”

Newt raises his eyebrows. “Forward, aren’t you? Didn’t your mother ever teach you manners?”

“I have manners where manners are due,” he grins and bites his lip. “I just couldn’t bear if you left without me even attempting to ask you.”

“I’m flattered, dude, but I have a boyfriend. Sorry.” Newt smiles apologetically and gathers his jacket. “Have a nice night.” He presses his hand to the small of Mako’s back and starts to gently guide her out the door.

“I heard you two broke up!” he calls after him.

“Where did you hear that?” Newt whirls around. Mako tugs at his sleeve but he waves her off.

“Everyone’s talking about it,” he responds, and he seems much less charming now. “Perhaps you just haven’t gotten the memo yet.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m only being polite. I wouldn’t want you to miss an opportunity just out of some forlorn lovesick pining.”

“You know what? I take it back. Have the shittiest night of your life. Good luck in the real world, you boring, contrived asshole,” Newt spits and grabs Mako’s arm. They rush out of the bar as Mako desperately tries to calm down Newt’s seething rage.

“Newt!” she calls after him and tries hopelessly to get him to slow down. “Newt, please! Calm down!”

“Bunch of nosy _fucks_ ,” he screeches. “Bunch of no-good pieces of _shit_.”

“Newt, just stop, just for a second,” she pleads. “Just calm down so I can call a cab!”

He stops abruptly and she nearly crashes into him. She holds him up for a few seconds and checks that he’s still alright before setting out waving down a cab.

He leans his head on her shoulder and fights back tears. “Why can’t people just mind their own business, Mako?”

“I don’t know, Newt,” she says, like it’s an apology, and runs a hand through his hair soothingly.

“God knows it’s hard enough with Hermann just the two of us, let alone with the whole world getting involved.”

“Don’t worry about it. That guy’s not worth getting upset over. Don’t give him the satisfaction.”

“What, him? That guy’s a dime a dozen. I meet about twenty of him a week. He’s more than forgettable. I could give a shit about him, trying to mooch off some quasi-successful nerd with a wink and some artificial charm so he can get his face on a tabloid for a few minutes. I just care about the principle of it all, that my life isn’t really my life, you know, that I’m, like, some commodity to marvel at and poke and prod to see just how far I’ll go.”

“It’ll get better. I know it will.”

“What if it doesn’t?”

“It will.”

“I’d give up music if it meant he’d return my calls.”

“No, you wouldn’t.”

“I would, Mako,” he says, and lifts his head to look her in the eye. She puts her hand down and looks back at him, like she can’t even comprehend the thought. “You know why I started doing music? Because after I got kicked out of MIT and after rehab, I needed something to keep me stable, something I was invested in and something that would make me happy. And for a long time, music was that. But you know what? I’m not so sure it is anymore. And I didn’t realize it until I met Hermann, but I don’t think a musician is the only thing I want to be for the rest of my life. I’m barely 25, and I already have my whole life planned out in front of me. I have more money than I know what to do with and fans that would kill just to see me strum a few chords on the guitar and for my whole life I thought that would be enough but now here it is and it’s not. And I don’t mean just ‘love’ or whatever sappy romance bullshit this sounds like. If Hermann wants to dump me, fine. So be it. If he’s happier that way then maybe it’s worth it. It’ll absolutely destroy me, but I’ll get over it. But what happens after that? Then I’m empty and tired and alone and I don’t even have someone like him to assure me that I’m capable of so much more. No one else has ever made me think of myself as ‘more’. No one else has ever let me believe that where I am now doesn’t have to be where I am forever.”

She looks at him for a long time like she doesn’t know what to say. _Which, to be fair, what can you say in this sort of situation?_ he thinks to himself.

“I’m sorry, Newt,” and it’s so genuine that he doesn’t even try to fight it. He just nods and hangs his head and dutifully stands by her and doesn’t cause a fuss as she gets on the phone to call a driving service.

…

After they get home and Mako all but sings Newt a lullaby and tucks him into bed, she collapses onto the couch in exhaustion. Just as she’s getting ready to curl up and stake out the couch for the night, she hears a faint ringing from beneath her. She rummages around the cushions until finally she emerges with Newt’s phone. It buzzes intensely with an unfamiliar name lighting up the screen.

“Hello?” she answers timidly.

“Oh, shit. Oh no. I’ve called the wrong number, haven’t I? This is—that is—is this Newton Geiszler’s number? I’m so sorry to be a bother, I must sound insane, but I swear this was his number, I’ve called it a dozen times.”

“No, this is his number. He’s just sleeping right now. I’m his roommate. Who is this?”

“Oh, sorry. I’m Vanessa. Is this—I am such a pain for asking, but this couldn’t _possibly_ be Mako Mori, could it?”

“If I say yes this won’t be one of those things that comes back to haunt me later on, will it?”

“No! God, no! I mean, probably no. Maybe. I guess no one can really be sure.”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but why do you have Newt’s number?”

“He’s dating my best friend. Or, was dating, I guess, now.”

“ _Was_ dating? What do you mean _was_ dating?”

“He didn’t tell you? They broke up! Hermann only told me this morning. Came in all in a strop. Said he left a voicemail saying this are over.”

“When was this?”

“Just last night.”

“Last night?” Mako asks, puzzled. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“What doesn’t?”

“He just spent all day today checking his phone. All he can talk about is how much he misses him. Why would he break up with him and then not tell me, much less mope about not getting called back all day?”

“I have absolutely no idea.”

“What did he say?”

“I don’t know what he said. Hermann wouldn’t show me the voicemail. He smashed his phone into tiny little pieces, the child.”

“Is it…is it possible…I don’t know Hermann, so I don’t know if this is a ridiculous question but—is it possible that Hermann misinterpreted what Newt was saying? Because I know Newt’s very self-effacing and sometimes it comes off more pointed than he means to. Sometimes he says things without even realizing that he’s saying them or the tone that he’s giving off. Maybe he said something that Newt thought was comforting but was actually alienating to Hermann.”

“Come to think of it, Hermann _is_ an absolute imbecile,” Vanessa recalls. “You’re absolutely positive that Newt never mentioned anything about a breakup?”

“More than,” Mako assures her. “I just don’t see him finishing with someone and then spending all day crying over how in love with him he is. I’ve seen Post-Breakup Newt, and this is definitely not that.”

“I am so glad that you picked up the phone,” Vanessa sighs. Mako giggles on the other end, and Vanessa blushes. “Not like that! I mean, like that, obviously, you’re perfect and I’m totally obsessed—but thank god I have someone halfway emotionally coherent to help me deal with such colossal, gigantic, magnificent idiots.”

“I’m glad, too.”

“So this is, like, totally the wrong time to hit on you, right? Right before we’re obviously about to make up some ridiculous scheme to get them back together? I am reading this correctly, aren’t I?”

“I wouldn’t say it’s the _wrong_ time…”

“So, do you come to New York often?”

“Not right now.”

“Right. Of course not right now. Scheme first, flirt after. But…later?”

Mako grins. “I’ll think about it.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally a conclusion!!! i fixed it, don't worry...sorry for the delay but this chapter is a highly unusual 7k so i hope that makes up for it, also hope it's not shit as well but that's less specific to this chapter and more to to the work as a whole
> 
> just one more chapter left for the epilogue and then this monstrosity can finally be done with

“Newt?”

“Yes? What? I’m up.” Newt shoots up in bed, holding his throbbing head with one hand. “What’d I do now?”

“Nothing, you didn’t do anything,” Mako assures him. She hands him a bottle of water and an aspirin and hesitates before continuing, “Um…Hermann called last night.”

Newt nearly chokes on the aspirin and Mako has to motion for him to drink the water. He gulps it all down and asks in a scratchy, urgent tone, “He called?”

“Yes,” she stalls, chewing on her lower lip. _Vanessa had better be right about this_ , she thinks to herself regretfully.

“What did he say? Did he ask about me?”

“He said that you could come to the apartment next week to gather your things. He’ll be out of town on business.”

“Oh. Okay. Excuse me just sec.” Newt flops back onto the bed and calmly places a pillow over his head. After a short pause, he continues to let out a muffled, throat-ripping scream into the soft plush of the pillow and lays, limp on the mattress. Mako winces and digs her nails into her fist, hating herself for every iota of pain that she inflicts onto her friend for the sake of his forthcoming well-being.

“We could always send someone else to do it,” she starts, and kicks herself inwardly the second the words leave her lips.

“No, no, Hermann hates when people he doesn’t know are in his space. I wouldn’t do that to him.” His voice is hoarse from self-loathing. “I’ll go. Tell Tendo to book the flights next week, as soon as one is available.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” she asks softly.

“I’d like that,” he complies gratefully. “Thanks for being so nice to me, Mako. Even when I don’t deserve it.”

“Don’t mention it,” she whispers before shutting the door. She texts Vanessa a quick update and adds on the end as menacingly as a toneless platform of communication will allow, _If this doesn’t work I will never forgive you_.

 _Don’t worry_ , Vanessa replies almost instantly. _They’re far too cliché and catastrophically in love for it not to work._

…

“How are things?”

“As they’ve always been, thank you very much.”

“Could you be nice to me? For once? I’m trying to help you through this.”

“Though _what_ , exactly, are you convinced I need helping through?”

“You’re ridiculous. I’m not speaking to you anymore.”

“Oh, dear, what a travesty. Inform the fire marshals at once, something simply must be done.”

“You are an arsehole, you know that?” Vanessa crosses her arms. “Could you listen to me? If only for a moment, just listen to me for once in your life.”

Hermann makes a big deal of dramatically throwing his pen atop his work and gesturing toward her, as if giving her a cue.

“Thank you,” she snaps, and then straightens her back. “Your day off is next Saturday, correct?”

“Hardly a day off. I’m working a shift at Pacific.”

“Call Pentecost and tell him you’re not.”

“Pardon me?”

“Actually: don’t. I already have.”

“Vanessa—”

“I will lend you the cash if it’s that big of a monetary loss for you. Tomorrow I am coming over to your place and we’re going to work out how you’re going to move on from this breakup. We’ll go over your options, decide what you’ll say to him and how you’ll say it, and then work out damage control.”

“This is entirely unnecessary.”

“Well, if you’re not going to take care of your mental well-being, someone has to. I am giving you a chance at closure. Stop being stubborn and take it with _grace_.”

He clenches his jaw. “Since you’ve already called in for me and you have an extra key to my home, I suppose I don’t have much choice in the matter.”

“Lovely. You’re thinking rationally. For once.” She raises her chin. “I’ll be round at nine. Be prepared. I’m bringing a surprise.”

“I do hope it’s not one of those atrocious romantic comedies you tried to make me watch last time. I couldn’t bear another contrived melodramatic love affair conceived entirely of preposterous misunderstandings and overdone professions of adoration.”

She smirks at him knowingly as he turns his back to her. “Perhaps it won’t be a surprise after all.”

…

Mako and Newt are sitting at the gate of LAX for an early morning flight. Mako is dozing on Newt’s shoulder and Newt keeps checking his watch nervously.

“Calm down, Newt,” she says sleepily, wiping drool from the corner of her mouth. “They’re not going to leave without us. We’re right here.”

“Just…want to make sure we’re on time.”

“We got here hours before we needed to. We couldn’t be more on time.”

“I just don’t want to get there too late. We have to fly back tomorrow. I don’t want to risk…” he doesn’t finish the thought but just swallows heavily instead.

Mako sits up and holds Newt’s hand between hers. “It’ll be alright. I’ll be right there with you the whole time.”

He nods jerkily and rakes a hand through his hair. She notices a bright bag next to his small suitcase and nods at it. “What’s that?”

“Oh, that?” He touches the bag as if just to be certain that it’s still there. “That’s…that’s just a gift for Hermann.”

“Oh, Newt.”

“No, it’s not—I don’t mean—I bought it ages ago,” he confesses. “Back when we were still…it was a birthday gift. His birthday is coming up soon. I promised him a whole…. Anyway. It’s a star projector. It lights up your whole room with an accurate depiction of the sky’s constellations. And it oscillates in accordance to the world’s actual positioning, so each time your ceiling looks like the actual night sky. He told me loved the stars once. He wanted to be an astronaut.” He bows his head bites the inside of his cheek. “It cost me a fortune, and I’m never gonna enjoy it half as much as he does, so I just thought, why not let him have it anyway. He deserves it. It’s his birthday.”

“It’s a very nice gift, Newt,” Mako assures him earnestly. “I’m sure he’ll love it.”

“He’ll probably just throw it away. Or sell it. Why not, though? Why shouldn’t he? Worth a lot. He could use the money. Buy himself something more practical. He was always very practical.”

 _Not where it mattered_ , Mako thinks to herself. _Not when it counted_.

…

“Why do you keep fidgeting around? For god’s sakes, what is the matter with you?”

“Nothing, nothing, nothing,” Vanessa says, but her voice sounds far away and disingenuous. “I’m fine, perfectly fine.” She checks her watch. _Where the hell are they?_

“Sit down. You’re making me uneasy.”

“You don’t need much help with that,” she snaps.

“Lovely,” he sneers.

There’s a knock on the door and Vanessa nearly falls off her chair.

“You didn’t order pizza again, did you? I’ve told you, not after the last time. The last thing I need is another student finding out my address.”

“I’ll get it!” she exclaims.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Every time you answer for delivery you end up inviting them inside.”

“Hermann!” she calls out, but it’s too late. He’s already poised in front of the door.

“Honestly, Vanessa, I’ll pay, just hand me my—” When he turns to address his guest, he turns ghostly pale at the sight of Newt standing before him, looking just as shocked as he does.

“Did I get the day wrong?” he chokes out in a voice that’s hardly above a whisper. “I—I’m so sorry, Hermann. I meant to come when you weren’t around.”

This infuriates Hermann before he can even register his situation properly. “Oh, how very mature of you, Newton. Sneak attack at our apartment to steal back your possessions. How _very_ convenient for you.”

“What?” Newt asks, too overwhelmed to reciprocate any of the venom being unexpectedly thrown his way. “I’m sorry, Hermann. I didn’t mean to ambush you. I thought—”

“You thought you could just waltz in here and take whatever you like and avoid confronting the real issue at hand. You thought I might realize that you’re avoiding me, but not as much as you want your stuff back. Well, go right ahead. It’s all yours. You paid for it, anyhow. I’ll give you some time alone, if you’d like, to explain to it all why you left and how it’s not their fault at all and that mummy and daddy will always love them regardless. That’s what’s important, right? Far be it from me to separate a man and his _things_.”

Newt gapes at him incredulously. “What is your _problem_?”

“My _problem_?” Hermann screeches.

Mako stares daggers at a helpless, uncharacteristically silent Vanessa. She stomps her foot, unintentionally drawing both Newt and Hermann away from their slowly blooming fight to stare at her in confusion. She grits her teeth and glares at Vanessa, who won’t dare to make eye contact with her.

“You _said_ ,” she says slowly; menacingly. “You said. You _promised_. That this would work. You said that it wouldn’t _be_ like this. You _lied_ to me.”

Hermann and Newt’s gazes both slide, horrified, to Vanessa. Her hands tremble slightly and she folds them into an anxiety-ridden death grip.

“Pardon me?” Hermann asks her. “Would you care to elaborate, Vanessa dearest?”

“Don’t look at me like that,” she scowls. “You know damn well that you wouldn’t ever talk to him on your own. So I took alleviating this unnecessarily horrific situation into my own hands. You should be _thanking_ me for getting you two together in the same _state_ , let alone the same bloody _room_.”

“Did it ever occur to you that it’s none of your business? That my affairs are simply that: my own?”

“Did it ever occur to you that you have the emotional capacity of a seven year old? The only time you’ve ever done anything positive for yourself in your miserable life is because someone else was egging you on. Well, here I am. I’m egging you the fuck on. So why don’t you stop taking out your frustrations on me and deal with the shit that you’re afraid to face. We _all_ know Newt didn’t break up with you. You just took any vague phrase or circumstance you could to construe it like he did. Because you love to play that part: the jilted victim that was apathetic the whole time. Instead of acting reasonable and calling him back to discuss it, you throw your phone at a fucking wall. Like a coward. You destroy any possibility of contact he could make with you. All because you’re scared. It shouldn’t shock me at this point how oblivious and narrow-minded you are, but look where we are, yet again.”

When she finishes, she’s breathing heavily and her vision is blurred at the edges and Hermann is staring at her with a thin veil of rage actually concealing a deeper feeling of dread. Her eyes go soft when she realizes what she’s said and she’s about to apologize when Newt says meekly beside her:

“You thought I broke up with you?”

Hermann turns to him, seeming to have forgotten he was there. His voice cracks when he answers, “Didn’t you?”

They stare at each other wordlessly and Vanessa slowly steps around them and nudges at a stunned Mako. She whispers something about giving them privacy and heralds her out the door and into the hallway. When the door shuts, it only makes the tension in the room that much heavier.

“I thought you broke up with me,” Newt answers.

“I told you I wouldn’t,” Hermann says frantically. “I told you I’d never. I meant it when I said that.”

“Meaning something and doing it aren’t the same thing,” he says softly.

“You think that poorly of me?”

“Yeah, well,” Newt says inconclusively, dropping his hands to his sides, his whole demeanor physically dropping.

“I spent ages,” Hermann confesses shakily, “trying to trust someone as implicitly as I trusted you. I sought counseling, I read literature; I even tried therapy. I tried anything. But when it actually happened, when I actually had you, it was like forgetting how to breathe. I forgot who I was. The person that you met, the person that you’ve spent so much time with. I haven’t been that person in years. I’ve been trying since my late adolescence to be that person again. And I think what happened is that when I realized that I had to depend on someone else to be myself…that scared me. And I think that’s part of the reason why we had such trouble getting on after the beginning stages. And I think that’s why when you said you were leaving I got so irreversibly angry. I was afraid I’d made another wrong decision.” He frowns at his own words. “I do so abhor being wrong.”

“Why would you think I broke up with you?” Newt asks hesitantly. He takes a step forward and it takes all Hermann has to resist the urge to flinch.

“I don’t think I ever truly did,” he answers honestly. “I think it was just the easiest solution.”

Newt watches him for a few moments with raised eyebrows. “I didn’t,” he says. “Just to be clear.”

“Oh,” Hermann clears his throat. “That—that’s good to know.”

They stay overwrought with silence for a while before Hermann breaks it again: “So…what now?”

“I think…” Newt considers, “I think we just…need to agree that…that we can’t live and die for each other anymore, man. That was always our problem—or at least mine—from the very start. The first moment we met we couldn’t stay away from each other. We were like friction, like sparks flying and incinerating everything in our path.” His hands start flying as he becomes more and more confident with every word. “We did everything too quick; we started seeing each other too quick, we became exclusive too quick—almost immediately, in fact—, we moved in together too quick. I realized I loved you too quick.”

Hermann cringes at that confession, but Newt continues without hesitation.

“I feel like…as much as we might have been conditioned think, that’s not what romance is. I feel like we have to remember that it’s not healthy to become totally dependent on someone else, whether you’re six days six weeks or six months or six years into a relationship. I never learned that, and I guess you didn’t either…but that’s okay! Honestly, it is. Because we can learn it together. If, if you want, I mean. Which is good. Really; I’m not just saying that. Some people go their whole lives without learning something as basic as that. We’ve got a relatively adequate head start, really, if you think about it.

“And I know what this sounds like, but I’m not asking you to take me back, even though I didn’t even know we were broken up in the first place, truth be told. If you want out, that’s totally fine. You can have the place; I’ve paid for the next few months in advance just in case and I’ll even buy the whole floor if you really want it. I know how much you like this place. I don’t care about it. It’s all glass and ceilings to me. It’s nothing without you. I could buy and sell this whole city and it’d still be nothing without you.

“I’m straying, I now realize, from the original point. And even betraying it a little. I’m still learning. It’s a process. I’m working on it.

“I guess the gist of it is, I’m ready if you are. Even if you’re not, I’m still ready, whenever or even if ever you are. I know I get attached too easily. I know I have an obsessive personality. It’s who I am. I know you’re nothing like that. You’re composed, and patient, and brilliant, and remarkable. I’m none of those things. I’m difficult, and chaotic, and destructive. And I understand that I’m asking a lot, but if you try again…if you wanna try again, we can make it different this time. We can make it better. More stable. I can’t imagine in a million years wanting to learn how to coexist with anyone on this whole godawful, decaying planet that isn’t you.”

Hermann just blinks at him blankly.

“That wasn’t an ultimatum, by the way,” Newt assures him nervously. His stands start flying everywhere and he aggressively avoids eye contact. “That was just a—a—I don’t know what you’d call it, just a bunch of those dumb words that come flying out of my stupid dumb mouth without my permission that I mistake for acceptable and totally A-OK things to say. I’m just. I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Hermann asks, and Newt startles at the sound of it.

“Huh?”

“What are you sorry for?”

“I don’t know…I kind of lost track of what I said already. I sort of blacked out while I was saying it out of pure anxiety. But usually when that sort of thing happens I come out of it being slapped or with a drink thrown in my face. I’m just assuming I said something idiotic or offensive in some way. I’m not very conscientious of other people. I’m trying to be, I’m really trying, but…it’s hard. It’s a lot harder than you’d think.”

“I understand,” Hermann agrees, nodding his head solemnly.

“So, is that…” Newt stammers, “is that…do you have an answer? To my original question? Which I believe was something along the lines of—you know, are we or are we not…seeing each other? Or is that the answer? Is the omission of an answer an answer within itself? Should I go? Because I can send someone else to get my stuff, if it’s any trouble, I don’t mind, really—”

“Newton,” Hermann says, and Newt stops talking immediately. Hermann takes a step towards him and cradles his face with gentle hands. Newt breathes a sigh of relief he didn’t know he’d been holding back and leans into the familiar, soothing touch, his eyes fluttering shut. “Stop digging holes for yourself.”

“Can I take that as a yes?” Newt asks, and he can’t help it; a goofy, lovesick smile overtakes his face.

“Of course you can, you absolute fool,” Hermann says, and fails to hold back a smile of his own. “Like I told you. I’ll never tire of you, hard as I may try. I’d die first. Especially after a soul-bearing like that one. You are indeed a romantic in your own regard, Newton, without fail.” He brushes a loose strand of hair from Newt’s eyes where he’s let it get a bit overgrown and revels the feeling of carding his hand through that thick, carefully mussed hair that he’s missed so much. “I have trouble, too, with commitment, although it’s never been going too fast in the past as it has been me being unwilling to go anywhere at all. I suppose when I found someone of whom I was confident that I would be content to share myself with, I didn’t act as prudent as I should have. Instead I enabled your behavior and modeled my own after it, believing you to be the expert between us on interpersonal relationships, given your exceptionally impressive ability to charm everyone you meet. That wasn’t fair of me in the least. Idolization can lead to nothing but trouble and self-inflicted disappointment. I put too much pressure on you to complete me, but in turn felt daunted at the thought of completing you. We are not two halves of a whole. We are two whole individuals, with or without each other. But together we are, admittedly, better off than we are alone. I’m a better man when I’m around you, Newton. I feel safe to be vulnerable around you, which is something I’m not well practiced at. I’m willing to work on my shortcomings if you are. And though it will be extremely difficult for both of us, I am prepared to fight this unhealthy codependence that we’ve fostered if it means we can come out the other side stronger. Just as long as you stay by my side.” Hermann strokes his cheek adoringly and finishes, “And Newton? You may not be composed or patient, but you are brilliant. And you are the farthest thing from unremarkable that any mere mortal could possibly be.”

“Cool,” Newt chokes out and wipes at his eyes with the heel of his palm. He takes a deep breath and sniffs. “So…what now?”

“Now…” Hermann looks around the room and his eyes land on the door. He sighs. “Now, I suppose it’s our responsibility to tell our leading ladies that their juvenile little _Parent Trap­_ -esque plot worked, against all logical odds.”

“No way, you know the _Parent Trap_? I can’t believe you’ve seen a movie that didn’t require film and a projector.”

“Your wit astounds, as always,” Hermann sneers before he opens the door. “Congratulations, girls, it turns out that clichés actually _do_ hold true, who would have thought— _Oh._ ”

“What? What is it?” Newt jumps to see past Hermann. He shoves him to the side and immediately his jaw drops and his eyes go bright with ecstatic intrigue.

Mako and Vanessa stare back at them, bewildered, their arms intertwined in an embrace that’s too close to be completely innocent and hair and clothes in much more disarray since Newt and Hermann last saw them. There are distinct purple lipstick marks on Mako’s face and collar that match Vanessa’s messy lips just a hair too well.

Mako blushes and folds back in on herself shyly. Vanessa does the opposite, placing her hands on her hips and raising an eyebrow, as if begging them to say a word.

“What?” she snaps. “You guys were taking too long.”

“So you move on to your next project?”

“I’ll have you know that Mako and I have been talking nonstop for almost a week trying to fix _your_ ridiculous drama. So before you run off your judgmental little mouth, I’d take a long, hard think about who saved your ass from imminent heartbreak.” She smirks a little before concluding, “Besides. Why should you be the only one to have a bit of fun? You get your rock star; I get mine. It’s only fair, after all.”

“You’re a pillar for equality everywhere.”

“I do what I can,” she flips her hair over her shoulder and pushes past Newt and Hermann into the apartment. Mako follows behind her, smiling dreamily like a smitten schoolgirl. “Now, are we going to break open a bottle of wine as a reward for you two geniuses finally figuring out that those things beneath your noses but above your chins can be used for more than just decidedly unspeakable acts? I’m thinking red would be appropriate, since white is far too sanctimonious for you two certified sinners. Oh, shit, Bordeaux? Damn, Newt, you have good taste.”

“All wine tastes the same,” Newt murmurs to Hermann. “I just have my assistant stock up my place with whatever she likes.”

“I know,” Hermann pats his arm. “We’ll open the secret vodka once they leave.”

Newt smiles and allows himself to inch closer to tentatively take Hermann’s hand. Hermann looks down and then back up and threads their fingers together before smiling smugly to himself. Newt sighs contentedly and leans his head on Hermann’s shoulder, feeling all the weeks of built up tension inside him finally start to flood away.

…

After doing everything but dragging Mako and Vanessa out of the apartment by their collars, Hermann shuts the door and lets the forgiving silence wash over him at long last. He meanders through the apartment, pretending not to have a specific destination in mind. He finally catches sight of Newt standing in the living room, staring at an electronic picture frame that flips through pictures of Newt and Hermann together. Selfies, press candids that Newt had grown fond of, pictures of them in their ridiculous beanies and sunglasses, grumpy early-morning sneak-attack photos of Hermann before he’d had his first mug of tea, sleepy pictures of Newt peacefully dozing and drooling on the body pillow he’s cuddling, sickeningly domestic pictures of them kissing sweetly on their new furniture on the first day they moved in together. Hermann had turned it face down the first night he slept in the apartment on his own because it had been too painful to look at. Newt must have noticed and put it back upright and got caught up in all the reminders of their many mistakes.

Hermann sneaks up behind him and wraps his arms around Newt’s waist. Newt closes his eyes and leans back against him, holding his arms tightly as if Hermann will let go if he doesn’t. Hermann leans his chin on the top of Newt’s head and nudges his nose through his soft hair. They breathe together, slowly but patiently, as they both try to conjure the appropriate words to break the heavy silence.

“I missed you,” Newt says desperately, turning in his arms to look up at him with wide, watery eyes and a trembling chin.

“I missed you, too,” Hermann admits, pressing their foreheads together. He closes his eyes and traces Newt’s jaw with his thumb. “More than I had even known possible.”

“I’m sorry,” Newt sobs, wrapping his hands around Hermann’s hips and pulling him close. He nudges their noses together and lets out broken gasps as he fights for breath.

“Don’t be,” Hermann hushes him and brings his thumb to push firmly against Newt’s lips. “It was both our faults. We acted like children.”

Newt nods jerkily and focuses on his breathing. Hermann uses the hand that’s not cradling Newt’s face like it’s something precious to run soothing patterns up and down his back. He almost jumps back when he feels something wet against the rough pad of his thumb. When he opens his eyes his pupils dilate almost immediately at the sight of Newt looking up at him with a sultry look and his tongue flicking out of his mouth tentatively to tease his thumb. Hermann leans in closer and ghosts his hot breath over Newt’s cheek, his whole body shaking with pent-up excitement.

Newt sucks the tip of his thumb into his mouth and Hermann’s knees nearly give out. It’s been so long since someone else has touched him, not to mention how long it’s been since Newt’s afforded him the attention he so desperately craves.

“Newton,” he moans. Newt’s bright blue-green eyes pierce his mercilessly and he runs his teeth over the sensitive skin of Hermann’s thumb. He raises his hands to quickly grasp Hermann’s wrist and kisses the palm of his hand over and over again before moving his attention to suck the skin between his thumb and forefinger. Hermann groans and leans hard against Newt, his breath short and labored.

Newt moves to push him against the couch to slowly crawl over and straddle him. Hermann rests the back of his head on the couch, overcome by an intoxicating lust. Newt continues to tease and suck at his hand, fueled by the uncontrollable sounds of adoration tumbling from Hermann’s lips.

Hermann’s eyes fly open when Newt deep throats two and then three of his fingers. His mouth opens and closes in awe as Newt refuses to break eye contact with him, purposely gagging and moaning loudly around his fingers. Hermann’s hips thrust up against his own volition and Newt falls forward suddenly, groaning loudly against him. He cradles Hermann’s face and surges in to press a bruising kiss to his lips.

“I forgot,” he gasps desperately, “how fucking good this was.”

Hermann nods wordlessly and wraps his hands against Newt’s jaw to kiss him harder. Their teeth click and their tongues are too fierce and their lips are too aggressive and it’s like a war they don’t know what side to fight for but it’s perfect, too perfect, better than either of them remember it being.

Newt sucks Hermann’s tongue into his mouth and the sound of pleasure that it draws out is positively sinful. Newt cries back and grinds their hips together shamelessly. They rut against each other like teenagers and kiss like it’s the first and the last time and their hands have no start and end point and not a destination in sight.

Newt’s knees slam to the floor hard and Hermann pants and looks down at him with wide eyes. Newt fights to messily open Hermann’s belt, his hands shaking and unpracticed and entirely too excited. Hermann catches them and swallows thickly.

“Newton—Newton, you don’t have to,” he insists.

“I want to,” Newton presses on.

“You don’t need to make up for anything. I forgive you; I already said.” He sets a soft hand on Newt’s jaw. It shouldn’t surprise him when Newt takes his thumb back into his mouth and sucks. The delicious pressure effectively silences Hermann and causes him to gasp obsessively.

Newt presses a kiss to his finger quickly before proceeding. “I know you forgive me. This isn’t an apology.” He works his belt off and leans in close to his crotch, his gaze flicking from the tent in Hermann’s underwear to his darkened eyes. “This is a fucking benediction, dude.”

Hermann’s head falls against the back of the sofa as Newt envelops him, his head bobbing slowly with worship on his tongue. He comes almost immediately and floods Newt’s mouth but Newt can’t bring himself to care, can’t bring himself to focus on anything but how much he’s missed this, Hermann heavy on his tongue and clawing at anything he can get ahold of and saying Newt’s name like it’s a prayer.

Newt crawls up to kiss him again and Hermann shakes against him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I couldn’t last, I tried but I just couldn’t,” he swears between capturing Newt’s mouth to taste himself on his tongue.

“Chill out, dude, that was just about the sexiest thing I’ve ever fucking seen.”

“Really?” Hermann smiles against Newt’s lips timidly.

“Only second to your smile,” Newt laughs and rubs his thumbs over the light blush that falls over Hermann’s cheeks.

Hermann growls at him and brushes his hands over the painful-looking tightness in the crotch of Newt’s skinny jeans.

“You look about ready to burst,” Hermann smirks. Newt bites his lip and absolutely despises how hot he finds it.

“Why don’t you cocktease me a little more and see for yourself?”

Hermann grins and traces his fingers lightly over the seam of Newt’s jeans. “I just might, come to think of it.”

“ _Please_ , Hermann,” Newt begs. “I just committed full-on fellatio on your fucking hand—a sentence I never thought I’d get to say—please, for the love of god, just touch me.”

Herman snickers to himself before reaching forward to unzip Newt’s tight pants and free him from his overwhelming constraints. The look of pure arousal on Newt’s face is almost enough to get him hard again.

“This is…good, fuck, so good, I fucking—” He moans loudly as he ruts against Hermann’s hand, which loosely cups his still-clothed clock. “Once we get our energy up and I get over my jet lag we’re going to fuck day and goddamn fucking night, I’ll take a whole day where I just lock you in our room and totally take you apart—I’m gonna ride you first and then make you flip me over and have you fuck me into the mattress and then I’m gonna finger you until you make those sweet breathy sounds I like so much and then you’re gonna have to shove my face into a pillow so you can muffle me screaming your name, I’ll get on my knees in the shower and then do it again while we’re drying off, I’ll do whatever the fuck you want, so long as we don’t pull that stupid, proud, incommunicado bullshit again.”

Hermann leans in close and presses two fingers to Newt’s mouth. He takes the hint immediately and sucks them in, grateful for something to busy his overactive tongue with. Hermann groans at the immense pressure and feels his cock twitch beneath them. Newt manages to smirk even with his lips stretched around two fingers fucking their way into his mouth.

Hermann manages to collect himself long enough to graze his fingers along the bulge in Newt’s underwear. Newt gags around Hermann’s fingers and pushes his hips forward in a silent plea.

“God, it’s nice not to hear your voice for a change,” he murmurs with a grin and before Newt can protest he pushes his fingers past the waistband of his underwear and grips him firmly. Newt’s head rolls back and he gives out a muffled cry. Hermann moves his hand up and down the shaft slowly and Newt braces the back of the couch and presses his forehead against Hermann’s shoulder, making soft, satisfied noises that vibrate against Hermann’s fingers and make him shiver.

It doesn’t take long for him to unravel and when he does come Newt feels his whole body react violently and all the pent up frustration in him comes undone at once. Hermann extracts his fingers and Newt thanks him with silent kisses up his shoulder and neck and then slowly captures his mouth.

“I missed this,” he says softly.

Hermann strokes his cheek gently. “I did, too.”

…

The next morning Newt wakes up in bed with a start, unsure where reality begins and fantasy ends. But when he turns and sees Hermann laying next to him on his stomach, quietly dozing and drooling a bit on his pillow, his expression floods with relief. He crouches over Hermann, kissing a line up his back starting at the base of his spine and ending at the nape of his neck. Hermann groans in response and smiles uncontrollably into his pillow.

Newt noses fondly at Hermann’s neck and kisses at the side of it, leaving little bites on his jaw and throat. He nudges Hermann onto his back, who giggles as he’s being kissed awake. He wraps his arms around Newt’s waist and drags him closer. Newt groans into his mouth as his hardness is pressed up against Hermann’s thigh.

“I want to fuck you,” Hermann whispers coarsely and Newt’s mouth goes slack and he bites his lip. He rolls off of Hermann and lays on his stomach, shoving his face into the pillow.

Hermann kneels over Newt and runs his hands over his torso. He snakes a hand around to smooth it over Newt’s stomach and reach down to cup his cock through the thin fabric of his boxers. Newt pushes his hips up and moans into the pillow. Hermann kisses his neck and noses underneath the shell of his ear.

Newt whines when the warmth of Hermann’s hand leaves his cock and gasps when he rips his boxers off, exposing his backside to the cold air. He scrapes at the sheets when Hermann nudges a finger against the rim of his entrance, slick with a thick coat of lube.

“Yes, yes, yes,” he sighs breathlessly. He babbles on quietly when Hermann thrusts a finger inside him. He slowly opens him up, going unbearably slowly to fully prepare him and growing slightly frustrated at Newt’s abnormal amount of repression.

“Turn around,” he whispers in Newt’s ear as he pulls his fingers out. He breathes heavily just at the sound of Hermann’s lustful voice. “Turn around, I said.” Newt gives in and turns around, his eyes shut tight. Hermann strokes his thumb over Newt’s cheek and coaxes him to open his eyes. “I want to hear you, darling.”

Newt’s head rolls back and he cries out in response. “Fucking hell, Hermann.”

Hermann thrusts inside him without so much as a warning and Newt’s hands scramble to seize his shoulders as he yells obscenely. Hermann grins down at him.

“I wanted to see you, too.”

“I’d fucking kill you if you weren’t all the fucking way inside me right now.”

Hermann smiles as he leans down and bites at Newt’s lower lip affectionately. Newt wraps his legs around Hermann’s waist and pulls him closer.

“Fuck, God. God, you feel so fucking good. I forgot how fucking good you felt,” Newt rambles absently. Hermann kisses his neck and rolls his hips rhythmically. Newt keens against him and pushes his hands through the soft fuzz on the back of Hermann’s neck. “Harder, harder, harder,” he murmurs.

Hermann complies and snaps his hips back, bringing them forward to collide with Newt’s mercilessly. Newt howls and leaves scalding scratches on the back of his neck. Hermann mashes their noses together and breathes heavily against Newt’s lips.

After a few minutes Newt looks up to see Hermann’s face redder than normal and his breathing much more stunted than he remembers.

“Herms?” Newt traces his hand over Hermann’s sharp cheekbones. His other hand cards through his hair soothingly. “Herms, you alright?”

Hermann continues to thrust, but with less vigor. “I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“Is it your leg?”

Hermann hangs his head and sighs. He rests his forehead on Newt’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I just can’t. My hip is acting up…I thought I could handle it but I just…”

Newt shushes him and brings his head up to kiss him. He maneuvers them both so Hermann can lie down on his back. “Stop apologizing,” he mumbles against his skin and kisses his jaw. Hermann lets out a deep groan when Newt slowly slides back onto his cock, now straddling him. He brings his hands up to cradle Newt’s waist.

Newt grinds against him, letting out small moans and gasps as he fucks himself. His hand slides down to grip take himself as the sensations become too much but Hermann growls and bats his hand away. Newt opens his eyes in surprise and doubles over at the sight of Hermann wrapping his long fingers around his leaking cock. He scratches at Hermann’s chest desperately.

“Ask,” Hermann demands.

“Hermann,” Newt begs. He scrapes his teeth against Hermann’s neck.

“Ask me, Newton. Ask me to come and I’ll let you. All you have to do is ask,” he purrs into Newt’s ear.

“Please Hermann,” he says, his voice broken. “Please let me come.”

His vision goes white when Hermann strokes him to release and he falls forward, limp, onto Hermann. Hermann only has to pump into him a few times before coming on his own. He presses exhausted, open-mouthed kisses to Newt’s face and pulls his damp hair out of his eyes.

Newt smiles dopily and hums. “You good?”

“Yes,” Hermann sighs. “I apologize, Newton. I thought I had more stamina. I wanted to make this special. I know how you like it when I take control.”

“Are you joking? That might’ve been the best we’ve ever been,” Newt laughs, slowly lifting himself off of Hermann. “I feel kinda light-headed, in fact.”

“You mean it? You weren’t put off?”

“After weeks of absolutely no intimate, physical contact of any kind, I can safely tell you that lazy, depraved, spontaneous morning sex with you is better than anything else I could possibly imagine. You’re fucking brilliant, Herms, and I mean _all_ of you. Your leg _especially_ is brilliant as all hell, and I will hear nothing on the contrary.”

Hermann takes his chin between his fingers and kisses him hard. “Thank you for coming back,” he says sincerely, looking up at Newt through his long eyelashes.

“It’s entirely my pleasure,” Newt confesses, breathless in the face of Hermann’s sudden burst of affection.

“We’d best get dressed,” Hermann capitulates, pushing himself up with a wince. “You’re indecent.”

“Oh, right. A few minutes ago I was so sexy you had to take me the second you became conscious, but now that it’s all over I’m ‘indecent’ again.”

“You are so spectacularly perceptive, darling, really, you are.”

“You just know that if you call me sickly sweet pet names I’ll do whatever you ask,” Newt grumbles.

“No one said you weren’t predictable, love.”

“Ha, ha, ha, you are so awfully clever, aren’t you,” Newt wrinkles his nose at Hermann and sticks out his tongue. He crosses the room and kneels over his suitcase, bringing out a pair of sweatpants, clean boxer briefs, and a sweater.

“What’s that?” Hermann asks, motioning to the bag beside his suitcase.

“That’s my ass, Hermann, and the view is free all week, so you really don’t have to ask.”

“No, you delinquent. What is that next to your case?”

“What, this?” Newt blushes, becoming suddenly embarrassed. “This is, ah. A birthday gift. For you.”

“Oh,” Hermann says, only slightly taken aback.

“Yeah, I know it’s not for another week, but I got it ages ago, and the reason I brought it yesterday was because…well, I guess I just wasn’t sure if I would ever see you again and this was the only way I could think to get it to you. Better you to have it than me, at any rate.”

“Right. Of course,” he says, as if this is all very diplomatic. “So I suppose we should just…stow it away and wait another week.”

“I mean, I guess. If you want to. I don’t really care. You can open it whenever you’d like.”

Hermann leaps out of bed, quickly tugs on a decent amount of clothing, and then rushes to sit next to him. Newt raises his eyebrows and smiles fondly.

“Somebody’s eager.”

“Oh, shut up.” Hermann makes a face at him and reaches out toward the present. Newt grins and places the gift in his hands. Hermann enthusiastically rips apart the wrapping paper to get to the box inside.

“Calm down, calm down! Don’t break it, you four-year-old! That shit was expensive!”

“What is…” Hermann takes the box out delicately and stares at it in wonderment. “Is this…?”

“It’s a star projector,” Newt explains, moving to sit closer to him and point at details on the package. “It projects an image of the sky onto your ceiling using GPS coordinates to accurately depict what the night sky looks like based on the Earth’s location and positioning in the galaxy. Here, look. I’ll show you.”

Newt scrambles to stand upright, pulls his sweater over his head, and then sets about taking the projector out of its box, plugging it in, and closing the thick curtains to immerse them in blackness. He pulls Hermann up off the ground carefully as he stares at him in awe and then leads him over to the bed. After a few moments of fidgeting with the machine and nervous swearing, a whirring noise starts and the room is covered entirely with glowing projections of stars and planets and swirling bouts of color. Hermann stares up at his ceiling, his eyes blown wide and his mouth agape.

Newt crawls onto the bed to lay at his side, surveying the room quickly and then letting his gaze land on Hermann’s face. He breaks into a wide smile at his expression of total amazement.

“So? D’you like it?” he asks anxiously, nudging Hermann with his shoulder. Hermann turns his head to look at Newt with disbelief. His smile falters a bit. “I…I can return it if you don’t. It’s just, I know that you said once that you really liked space, and that you wanted to a pilot, or an astronaut, or something, and I just thought this might be something that interested you.”

Hermann rushes to take his face into his hands and kiss him deeply. He looks him in the eyes, his pupils wide, and says earnestly, “This is the kindest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. You are the most fantastic man I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. Thank you, Newton. It’s perfect. It’s more perfect than anything I could have ever imagined in my wildest dreams.”

“You really like it?”

“I love it. I can’t think of anything I love more.”

Newt blushes. “You can’t think of _anything_?”

Hermann smirks wryly. “Maybe just one exception.” He tilts Newt’s chin up and gives him a soft kiss before whispering, “But don’t let it get to your head.”


	27. Epilogue

**December 2015**

“That was the PPDC,” he says, his face completely white. Newt stares at him with his mouth slightly agape and his palms sweating anxiously. “They want to offer me a job. In their Hong Kong headquarters.”

“The _Hong Kong Shatterdome?_ That’s—” Newt starts, and he forces himself to sound excited instead of overwhelmingly distraught. “That’s awesome, dude! That’s what you’ve always wanted—what _we’ve_ always wanted for you, I can’t believe…this is amazing!”

“It’s for an indefinite amount of time,” he says. His voice is faint and he looks like he might fall right over. “They want me to train but after that…after that they’re prepared to offer me a permanent position.”

“Hermann, that’s fantastic,” Newt says, rushing over to him. He holds their hands together and subtly works to make sure Hermann doesn’t lose his balance. “It sounds daunting now, but we’ll make it work, I swear to god we will. I’ll write you every day, send you little care packages, we’ll talk on the phone all the time—we can make this work. I know we can.”

“I told them I wouldn’t even consider it unless they offered you the same position.”

“What?” Newt asks, and he takes a step back like he’s been physically hit. “You said what?”

“Not in physics, of course. In biology,” he says, as if he hasn’t just totally shattered Newt’s world. “They said they needed someone to lead their research division. I brought up your name, and within an instant they agreed that someone of your qualifications would be perfect for the job. You should receive a call within the next twenty-four hours.”

“You said…” Newt repeats, his eyes glazed over. This time it’s Hermann that’s holding him to keep him upright. “You said that—you said what?”

“I told them that you’re working on your doctorate right now in biology with a specialty in kaiju analysis. You have a personal interest in the field and you have a wealth of prior experience. I gave them an exquisite recommendation and they agreed with my choice wholeheartedly.”

“You said,” Newt stammers, twitching slightly. “You said…you said…you said what?”

“Newton,” Hermann says firmly. “I won’t even consider the possibility of leaving you for more than a second. I’m not going anywhere without you, much less all the way across an entire ocean.”

“Hermann…I don’t know if I’m up to this. I only started studying full-time a few years ago. I mean, the whole K-Science division?”

“I wouldn’t have given your name if I didn’t believe wholeheartedly that you were the only man for the job.” He straightens his back and raises his chin, smirking down at Newt cheekily. “And besides. I’ll be right there with you every step of the way.”

“You’re infuriating,” Newt grins wildly and fists his hand in Hermann’s shirt to drag him down into a kiss that’s more teeth than tongue.

“Shall I take that as a yes?” Hermann asks, his words muffled by Newt’s insistent lips.

“Of course you can, you pretentious asshole,” Newt laughs, his hands working his way behind Hermann’s blazer. “Even if it wasn’t the opportunity of a lifetime and not to mention my _dream_ job, there’s no way I’d let you go halfway around the world without following you to the very ends of the earth. Who knows what spry little Chinese pop star would snatch you up as a result? I wouldn’t even dream of risking it.”

“As if I could stand anyone else. You’ve broken me, Geiszler. All your hard work come to fruition. I’d like to think I had some say in the matter but I think we both know it would be for naught.”

“You’ve ruined me,” Newt says with a grin and knocks their foreheads together. “I hope you know that.”

“As if I didn’t plan the whole thing,” Hermann replies with a smirk and Newt smothers him with a kiss that carries on into the night.

…

The morning after the breach is closed Hermann rolls over in bed, his head pounding and his clothes from last night plastered to his skin. He throws an arm over Newt, who is already awake, unsurprisingly, and drags him closer.

“Morning,” he groans groggily.

“Hey, sleepy,” Newt snickers, his face mashed against Hermann’s hair unceremoniously.

“Hello, love.”

“Ooh, ‘love’,” Newt stretches out the word and moves to sit on his side, his hand propping up his head. He smiles down at Hermann adoringly. “You haven’t called me that in a while.”

“Yes, well, we’ve been busy, haven’t we?” Hermann stretches and groans. Newt’s eyes scan down the length of him and he bites his lip. “Giant monsters and impending doom, remember?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, jeez, how could I forget,” Newt responds, distracted. “Maybe it has something to do with how sexy you look all covered in blood and sweat and the way you couldn’t stop fucking me with your eyes in front of LOCCENT, the world, and God himself.”

“Oh, behave,” Hermann sneers and smacks him lightly. “We were in the process of stopping total world destruction. Is everything about sex with you?”

“Only when you’re in the room, babe,” Newt leans over him and grins. He cradles Hermann’s face in his hand and kisses him languorously. Hermann threads his hand through Newt’s unkempt hair to keep him from pulling him away and cleverly snakes his tongue past Newt’s lips. Newt smiles in shock and pushes Hermann onto his back, sliding over him with dedicated precision.

When they finally break away for air Newt stares at him, breathing heavily. “Jesus Christ. You haven’t done _that_ in a while, either.”

“Yes, well,” Hermann smirks, massaging the small of his back. “Now that we have the time.”

Newt grins and licks into Hermann’s mouth, kissing a line down his jaw and neck. He sucks a bruise into Hermann’s neck and starts to rock their hips together. Hermann leans his head back and groans.

“God, I’ve missed this,” Hermann says breathlessly. He scratches lightly at Newt’s sides. “I feel like I haven’t touched you in ages.”

“Maybe because you haven’t,” he whispers, pulling his loose tie off and tearing off his stained button-up, paying little notice to the tears he makes in the process. He braces Hermann’s hips with his knees and breathes heavily against his lips, his eyes shut as if in prayer. “Hermann, baby, this doesn’t have to be memorable or extraordinary or anything else, I just need you to touch me, okay? I just need to you touch me, babes, because I haven’t felt your long, gorgeous fingers on me in what feels like forever and I feel like I might die if you don’t bring me off this very second.”

Hermann cradles Newt’s face in his hands and kisses him carefully. He traces his one of his hands down Newt’s neck, across his chest, and then his fingers settle over the crotch of his tight trousers. Newt moans into his mouth and the sound vibrates through Hermann’s whole body. Newt pushes his hips forward and bites at Hermann’s lower lip.

“Yes, yes, yes, please, please, please.”

“I love it when you beg,” Hermann smiles deviously. His deft fingers unbutton and unzip Newt’s pants in one motion and he takes him in his hand. Newt’s forehead bangs against Hermann’s collarbone and he breathes heavily like it’s the biggest undertaking in the world.

“Just like that,” he whines. “God, exactly fucking like that.”

“You are so desperate,” Hermann laughs. “I’ve barely touched you.”

“Your hands are like the universe but eons more divine.”

“You know I hate poetry,” Hermann whispers into Newt’s ear.

“Then you must loathe looking in the mirror.”

Hermann captures his lips in a harsh kiss that’s almost violent and his hand speeds up in tempo. Newt comes almost immediately with a sharp cry and his hips buck against Hermann’s strong grip. He licks a stripe up Hermann’s throat and murmurs reverent nonsense against his throat.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” Newt says, shaking hard against him.

“I know,” Hermann responds smugly. He winces and pats Newt’s hip lightly. “Um. Newton?”

“Oh, fuck me, _fuck_ me, Jesus, Hermann, I’m so sorry.” Newt scrambles up to relieve the weight off Hermann’s leg. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he cringes and shifts in the bed. “You’ve made a mess, Newton.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know you hate when I get your clothes all dirty. I’ll wash them, I promise. I just can’t believe I get another chance with you.”

“Newton…”

“No, Hermann, I coulda lost you yesterday, and I said some really fucked up shit to you, and you don’t deserve that. And we never got the chance to _talk_ about it, it was all chaos and bright lights but—you are the center of my whole world, man. You are abso-fucking-lutely everything. And I’m so, so, ridiculously, _unbelievably_ sorry for anything I said on the contrary.”

“That’s lovely, Newton, but I know all that, remember? Complex neural bridge?”

“Right,” Newt laughs nervously and leans in to kiss him again. “You’re great. You’re so great.”

“Yes, yes, I’m aware, darling. Let me up now?”

“Right, right, right, obviously, right.” Newt nearly falls out of their tiny bed trying to untangle himself from the sheets. He massages Hermann’s leg obsessively.

“Right now I just want to take a hot shower try for some of that ‘serenity’ thing everyone is always going on about,” Hermann sighs.

“Oh, you don’t—you don’t want me to…before?” Newt asks, glancing at the tent in Hermann’s trousers.

“I was thinking maybe you could join me in the showers,” Hermann raises his eyebrow suggestively. “Perhaps wash my back? Among other parts?”

“ _Shit_ , yeah, _fuck_ , yeah, man, as if I’d rather do anything else in this beautiful, resilient world other than you.”

“Oh, be decent.”

“You don’t make it easy, sweet cheeks.”

“In times like these I almost wish that the world had fallen to giant sea monsters.”

“Oh, you don’t mean that,” Newt gushes, folding himself over Hermann’s back and crossing his arms over his chest and kissing his neck worshipfully. “You _love_ me, you big old Scrooge. You act like you don’t but you’re not fooling anyone, least of all me. And now that I’m in your head, there’s no hiding it. I can hear you even when you’re not speaking.” He peels Hermann’s clunky sweatervest off his chest and slowly undoes the buttons of his dress shirt. His hands slide over Hermann’s broad torso and noses behind Hermann’s ear playfully. “You _love_ me, Hermann Gottlieb, you horrible, horrible liar.”

“I knew I’d regret drifting with you.”

“No you don’t,” Newt grins arrogantly. “You _love_ me too much.”

Hermann turns his head to steal a kiss from Newt, tracing a pointer finger along his jaw. He bites his lip and pulls in the exact way he knows will shut Newt up.

“Like I said,” Hermann smirks. “Don’t let it get to your head.”

…

Hermann squeezes Newt’s hand for the thousandth time that day.

“Not that I don’t think it’s adorable, but you’re going to crush every bone in my hand if you keep that up, Herms.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Newton, you’re a biologist, for God’s sakes,” Hermann snaps, but his heart’s not in it.

“Hey,” Newt smiles and squeezes his hand back. “You’re gonna be great. They’re gonna love you. You’re the genius who saved the world, remember?”

“Don’t embellish,” Hermann’s voice shakes. “I was a miniscule part of the process. They won’t even know my name from a list of millions. And that’s how it should be. False idolization leads to nothing but—”

“Trouble and self-inflicted disappointment, yeah, yeah,” Newt rolls his eyes. “You can say that all you want, sweetheart, but it’s not gonna stop you from being a hero, no matter how hard you try.”

“This isn’t fair,” Hermann clenches his jaw. “This is totally and completely unfair. I am meant to be the composed one. I am meant to be calm and collected. You are the erratic one. Why is it that this so unbearably _difficult_ for me? Why aren’t you having the same trouble with this that I am?”

“Because I’ve seen it all before. Or did you forget?” Newt chuckles.

“Oh, could you be loving this any more?”

“Aw, Herms, you know it kills me to see you all torn up but what you don’t get is how ridiculously _unnecessary_ this all is. Whether you like it or not, you’re a hero now. D’you know how many kids are gonna have your poster on the wall? D’you know how many fictional characters are gonna be based off you? You’re the protagonist of a new generation. You’re gonna inspire all the kids who never got to save the world on the playground because their glasses were too thick or their legs didn’t work like everyone else’s or they needed meds just to get out of bed in the morning. And if that’s not enough to make you push back that curtain, I don’t know what is.”

Hermann crumples and presses his face into Newt’s neck. “I don’t tell you this enough, but—”

“I’m your everything, I’m your sun, moon, earth, and everything in between, I’m the one equation you can never solve, as if I didn’t already know,” Newt laughs and pats him on the head. “C’mon. Let’s go.” He stands up and holds a hand out to Hermann before nodding at the restless crowd. “Time to go be a hero, Hermann Gottlieb.”

“God, I’m going to hate you for this.”

“No, you won’t,” Newt kisses him on the cheek and scrunches up his nose. “I’m your rock star.”

Hermann savors the taste of Newt’s lips with a smile. “And I yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S OVER, IT'S FINALLY OVER. I FEEL LIKE DR. FRANKENSTEIN, EXCEPT SIGNIFICANTLY LESS IMPORTANT.
> 
> i wish i had more to say about this but my brain is fried from just sitting in bed watching friends all day and actively procrastinating studying for my mid-terms but basically this was the most fun thing i've ever written and i love this pairing more than one that i have in a really long time and i can't believe i'll have been obsessing over them for two whole years in just a few months, thanks for reading and sorry for the horrible posting schedule, i really hope this ending is worth it bc it's the most nerve-wracking part of a story to write and heaven knows i'm miserable now and i'm quoting the smiths so thats a sign that i better finish this off now okay bye thank you lol


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